Jumia

Monday, December 10, 2012

I Want My Husband To Get A Vasectomy So That He Won’t Have Kids Without Me

I’ve been pregnant a handful of times. Once was a miscarriage. The others resulted in my family: four lovely healthy children for my husband and me. At my last check-up, my doctor asked me what my preferred method of birth control was. I told her my husband would be getting a vasectomy.

I’ve been saying that every year since our baby was born. And our baby is now four years old. The facts are simple: my husband and I are in our mid-forties, and we feel our family is complete. I am not interested in complicating my hormones at this stage by going on the pill, nor do I feel it is necessary for me to undergo surgery in order to have my tubes tied. An IUD is not something I want to explore. I know everyone who has one loves it, but something about a piece of metal in my uterus creeps me out. Frankly, after giving birth four times, I think my body’s been through the ringer. I’ve done enough. It’s now up to my husband to be responsible for our birth control.


And so he withdraws. Yes, I am one of “those” moms. This method has worked for us for years now. My husband’s argument that he’ll eventually get snipped, but doesn’t feel it’s urgent, sort of makes sense. Every year I badger him about it, even threatening to withhold sex. But that doesn’t serve either of us very well. His younger brother’s gone through it, as have many of our friends, and still he resists. He even makes an annual New Year’s resolution – but fails to even call for an appointment, let alone show up.

He states we’ve been fine thus far. I know it hasn’t been a priority. He says he hasn’t had time. I say he’s petrified. He claims it’s me trying to control him. I claim it’s my way of keeping things under control. One thing I never say – ever – is the real reason I want him “fixed”: clearly I don’t want to have more children. But I don’t want him to have any. With me or anyone else.

We’re both healthy and fit, and hopefully will continue to stay that way long into our old age. Not to be too morbid, but bad things happen to good people, right? Also, it’s never a forgone conclusion that we’ll be together forever, though it is my fervent hope. And if something happens to us – or to me – I don’t want him biologically parenting any more children. I’ve seen it happen: man moves on, has more kids, originals are kicked to the curb. Sounds extreme, I know, but I don’t want my husband putting any other kids above – or even on par with – our own. I know he loves our children dearly, but I secretly wonder if his love is strong enough – or fierce enough – to put them first if I were out of the picture.

For now, I hope it is. And I’ll continue to push for that vasectomy, closing that chapter once and for all.

45 comments:

  1. blah blah blah why are you so insecured? Relax and enjoy what God has blessed you with and stop torturing the poor man into getting a vasectomy if he doesn't want it. How would you feel if he insist you get a Mastectomy so other men don't ogle at your breasts?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Insecured? Is that even a word?

      Delete
    2. It is also a very painful procedure. Swelling and all sorts

      Delete
  2. I don't get the point of this write-up cos u are certainly not asking for any advice. So u want ur hubby to get a vasectomy cos u are insecure. Okay. So???

    ReplyDelete
  3. I wud advise that u go for more reversible methods of birth control than the permanent types.If you don't like IUCD then u can go for implants some of which can last up to six years.Dnt know why this a big deal. Really wonder why u want ur husband to hv a vasectomy.kinda selfish dnt u think? Maybe u sud remove ur ovaries and then u wud understand wat u asking ur husband to do.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lets just say she doesn't want another woman to ever have a baby for hubby. Deal with your fears or it might just come to pass. Leave d man alone pls. Explore other options available to u. While u r at it, get rid of d jezebel spirit(controlling), and yes am a wife n mother of over a decade in marriage.

      Delete
  4. You are a very selfish woman. Well not every man who cheats has children and the children outside marriage aren't the issue .it is the fact that he actually cheated on you.

    ReplyDelete
  5. It really pisses me off when people with almost perfect lives send messages like this to the public!!! So only the children you have for your husband can be called "original" . What makes he think he doesn't have "original" kids else where? People are dying to have kids and u dare to complain? I bow to ur level of greediness woman!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kai! Bitterness in low places. You must be Bisi's partner in ensnaring married men.

      Konsigned

      Delete
    2. Abeg help me ask the funny woman o! What makes her think her husband didn't already have an "original" kid or two before he met her and produced 4 "counterfeits?" Perhaps her husband will be more willing to get a vasectomy if she will be willing to get her ovaries removed! Just silly!!!

      Delete
  6. you sound silly woman..have you heard of ppl who have lost all their children in one day..not my prayer for you though.get an iud.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I would suggest u check urself into a mental intstitution. U re mentally unstable walahi.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahahahahhaha thats too funny

      Delete
    2. double walahi.

      Delete
  8. I have actually thot of this a couple of times. Why do we as women have to go thru the birth control pills ( gaining weight frm that), implants (that causes bleeding for sometime) and IUD. Kilode

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. U actually dnt have to go tru them, just keep popping kids out!!
      Also IUD which i use isnt bad at all, u could also try knowing your cycle and avoid sex on ur fertile days....Finally dnt know why condoms cant be used!!!

      IfeD

      Delete
  9. u r nearly dumb! u sound sooo controlling i wonder how u speak to your man.push him and he will leave your punany and go else where to get some...
    using your hand to spoil your claimed beautiful marriage...mscheew

    ReplyDelete
  10. madaaam winchy u can simply kill him and inherit his properties. Selfish bit*h.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Rubbish. What of STDs? Instead of promoting condoms you are talking of vasectomy. Why don't you remove your womb?

    ReplyDelete
  12. And what if he already has other kids somewhere? Will u kill urself? Live ur life and put ur trust in God that nothing will go 'wrong'. God bless

    ReplyDelete
  13. I get your point you don't want a Obe/Melaye saga to happen in your home and I don't blame you. African men and making babies hmmm good luck with trying to get him to have a vasectomy.

    ReplyDelete
  14. What a controlling woman! God save her spineless husband.

    ReplyDelete
  15. FYI, the IUD feels more like a string in you, not a metal. You or your partner's dick will never know its there

    ReplyDelete
  16. What a controlling woman! God save her spineless husband.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Just another selfish woman,there is no big deal about IUD !can't be inserted for years and you won't feel a thing. Radiantdrop

    ReplyDelete
  18. Madam ure selfish o! How sure are you he doesnt have kid(s) outside already? Put ur trust in God and pray for the best.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Too much GRAMMER!!! If ur hubby na broda n by error I hear say u dey threat my broda 2 go kill him manhood say bcos, U no wan mk e born 4 outside, I go... Abeg go dey tnx ur GOD!!! Na by force? Orda mthds dey na! Kilode...

    ReplyDelete
  20. haha, this woman is mentally derailed jare. Next!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Women are sooo stupid. All of you talking,I bet if your husband asks you to tie your womb or he leaves your ass,all of you will rush and do it abiii. Yes she comes across as selfish but I still suggest no party should make any one do what they don't want to do. Neither the man suggesting IUD or any form of birth control nor the woman. Why must the woman be at the receiving end of the stick by messing with her womb while the man goes around DICK FREE? Marriage should be joint effort if each partner.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. you sound so stupid. idiot.

      Delete
    2. Lol kid.ask God not us while he gave women the uterus.

      Delete
  22. My Aunty had 3 kids with her husband and she went iud(against her husbands will, he wanted her tubes tied, did not want any more kids from her, he wanted a permanent solution) , she had a lot of difficulty in her marriage, the man physically assulted her and tormented her daily cause she made more money than him.
    One day after he had beaten the living day light out of her and left the house to visit one of his jump off, she took her kids and ran for her life, at the bus stop she met one of her customers in the bank she worked at and after explaining her ordeal to him he drove her to her uncles house.
    To cut long story short she remarried the man she met that night but still the ex kept on attacking her spiritually and she lost her son by accident. any way God just blessed her with twin boys last year at the age of 45.
    The point of the long story is if she had listened to her ex as at the time he wanted her to do something permanent she would not be blessed with the two new angels

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow! A set of twins... God is good

      Delete
    2. Children are indispensible. A new child cannot replace your previous ones. As for Naija men and dia selfishness - i wont even bother.
      On a side note - vasectomies and salphingectomies can be reversed or better still go for IVF if u decide to create more kids.

      Delete
    3. Yes children are Indpensable but pls tell that to God who replaced job's kids

      Delete
  23. Reading this write up, I can tell that this lady will not be nice to her step children if she ever has any. "She doesn't want her husband putting any other kids above or even at par" with hers.

    Jeez, I am a mother too. No woman ever wants her husband to have other kids but sometimes, things happen. Even if I am bitter and angry, I will never take it out on innocent children from another woman who did not beg to come into the world.

    Just relax. If your husband doesn't want a vasectomy, don't force him. Sometimes, some unfortunate things happen. I remember some years ago in Nigeria, a couple lost all their kids in a plane crash. I pray this will never be your portion! No one can predict the future so just take each day as it comes. Trust your husband and leave the rest in the hands of God.

    ReplyDelete
  24. There is nothing wrong in what this woman wants. Its her husband and not yours!

    ReplyDelete
  25. This lady sounds demented o, pardon my words. Seriously, you are complaining about giving birth, didnt you know that will happen before you got married? i have one word for you, SELFISH! Some1 just told you about some loosing all the kids in one day, i dont pray for such for you but wat if? Abeg go remove your womb if you like, rubbish. You think children outside wedlock are threats, how about ur hubby's siblings? U can kill them off too so only u and ur kids will enjoy ur hubby's wealth. SELFISH SELF CENTERED WOMAN!

    ReplyDelete
  26. Ok..is that all? Send ur address so that we LLB readers can come and man-nap your husband to the doctors...u r a silly ass woman!

    ReplyDelete
  27. go and work on the trust issues in your marriage and forget all this dumb talk.

    ReplyDelete
  28. You are a big FOOL, the thought of an IUD creeps you out, but you want your husband to get a vasectomy..........oloshi, bloody selfish ass woman........common gerraout from here jare......hisssss tewwwww

    ReplyDelete
  29. Stupid selfish ignorant bitch.
    So you respect your body more? You don't want the IUD because it scares you! Yet you make a personal and physical decision for your husband.
    Ugh. You sicken me. It's his body, you moronic cow. You are clearly the heartless one. You have no love for anyone but yourself.

    Your fear is that other women may cause your husband to love your kids less, yet, you are the one with a limited amount of love in your heart, and you talk like other kids should never be on the same level with yours.

    If he were to bring another child into the house, you would most likely maltreat this child. How can you say you don't want any other child above or even on par with your "original" kids? How can a seemingly educated woman say this? Did you come here thinking you would garner support? You probably thought you would come out victorious here, and that you would show him this post in an effort to bully him into compliance.

    You are a bully.
    Get your fucking tubes tied, THEN, you can ask him to get a vasectomy.

    ReplyDelete