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Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Why He’s Scared to Propose

Please read and let us know if you agree with the writer. So you’ve been having this ‘heaven-on-earth’ relationship going on with this guy for a long while now but despite the strong bond you’ve got going on, he doesn’t seem to be interested in mentioning the “M” word.

In a contemporary society such as ours, the male may see no need to make a permanent commitment.  As far as they are concerned, there’s still enough time, and who knows? Someday they may find that ‘perfect soul mate’ and settle down, but in the meantime, they seem to be enjoying themselves. The reluctant partner may not want to reveal his reasons for refusing to commit. As a matter of fact, he may not be aware of them himself, but chances are they’ll fall into one or more of the following categories:

He doesn’t want to lose his freedom

It’s been proven over and over, that females mature earlier than males. Ladies are ready to settle down and raise a family while guys of the same age are hoping to explore or achieve more out of life and sometimes, it may be wise to leave and let him get on with it. If he doesn’t do it before marriage, he’ll do it during and that can lead to tragedy for everyone concerned.

He’s afraid to take responsibility

When a guy seems reluctant, it could also be that he’s just not ready for a wife, kids, house, and all the sacrifices that come with that kind of life. For instance, if he’s had a bad experience with a former relationship, he’s probably not anxious to experience the pain again. While some people eventually overcome such circumstances, others just never find it easy to let go.

He’s too selfish

Yes of course, there are some men in this category. He probably wants to travel, to have an expensive car and to do whatever he wants, whenever it suits him, without being answerable to anyone. This way, his partner is expected to wait on him hand and foot, with the hope that it will lead to a ring. However, it is unlikely this sort of guy will ever commit.

He has other responsibilities

Possibly, he may be looking after some sick, elderly parents or have huge child support payments to make. He may be putting younger siblings through school and feel that he can’t handle any more expenses at this time.

There is a serious difference between religion or culture

More often than not, members of two branches of the same Church denomination can unite pretty easily, but two more contrasting groups, such as a Catholic and a Muslim, or an atheist and an Evangelical Christian may be a recipe for trouble and he is smart enough to see it.

He’s afraid to disclose his real or perceived disability

He could be illiterate, sterile or carry the inherited gene for a very dangerous illness. Also, he may have a close relative with a severe physical or mental illness, for whom he’ll be fully responsible at some future time. There may be some personal or family secret which he feels is too horrible to share.

Courtesy of Geneveive Magazine.

28 comments:

  1. If you are in a relationship and the guy doesn't talk about marriage at all, just mentally calculate yourself as being single and jejely open the door for other prospects. All these ones wey dey on top na theory. The first thing a serious guy thinks of before even wooing the 'girl' is 'hmmm...potential wife material'.

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    1. Well said scorpio. I m 26 n almst 27 n single bt my mum is wishin dat by April when I will b 27,I will b married bt sincerely,m single wt no man in sight. Smtyms,I feel its cos m quiet n an introvert bt I m confused! I see nasty uneducated n loose girls hv relatnshps bt as quiet,not d clubbin nor partyin type,I hv none. I pray n wish to be engaged nxt year tho.

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    2. first sensible thing you have posted.

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  2. Scorpion...... Your head dey there ,you have spoken well. God bless you o jare

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  3. @ scorpion ur comment is sooo on point! ladies stop deceiving urself and thinking u will give it time all in d name of foolish love....give urself brain and dont waste time...i'm not saying u should start pestering him and asking questions but there are ways u can know if a guy is ready to settle down soon....when u meet a guy and he doesnt tell u exactly what he wants from u up until a few months after, then start finding ur square root o cos dat kind of guy might not be ready and u mite just be one of 'his' especially if ur over 25 cos at that age there is no time to waste and u need to know where whatever relationship ur in is heading into....its ok if ur with someone with the hope of it leading to marriage and then along the line u realise u cant deal with somethings. be wise and back out quickly before it's too late! some foolish girls will stay there and keep praying dat he will change....

    i once made a mistake and dated a guy for 4 years before i finally called it quits a few months before my 25th bday....i really wish i had listened to my mum at 23 when she started talking about marriage...i would laugh it off and tell her to free me cos i was having fun....then i turned 24 and started thinking about my life and realised i couldnt change him...i wanted him to better his life and be more serious but he refused to change....he was shocked and couldnt believe it when i broke up with him before the end of the year cos i made up my mind i would not be going into the new year with him and def needed to get my life back on track and closer to God before i turned 25....he cried and begged and begged and promised all sorts but as at then my mind was already made up and i was tired so i told him to go n do the things i wanted him to do which he promised to, he even went to the extent of saying he wanted to marry me and dat im turning 25 soo so y will i leave a 4 year relationship blah blah blah...in my mind i thot i wont call it wated years, i'll call it years of learning....it's true what they say dat girls mature quicker than guys cos dat was d case in my scenario...i think i was waayyyyy too mature than him cos some of the things him and his friends were excited about used to disgust me at some point...things like looking fly, parties, expensive cars and making money etc...

    anyways to cut d long story short, after i broke up with him i was single for a yr and a half cos i needed to concentrate on ME, sort my life out and move closer to God....i remember praying to God that he should connect me to my husband and that i want him to fish me out from wherever he is cos a man should look for his wife and not the other way round....He answered my prayers....Last yr on my 26th birthday i got an email from an old friend who lives 6,000 miles away wishing me happy birthday...this is a guy dat has liked me since i was 16 and has always tried to get my attention all d years...i didnt give him a chance to move too close cos i was busy with my ex (lol)....anyways we reconnected and have been inseperable since then....I've known him for about 11 years and he ticks all my boxes and even more....he'd been telling me since we reconnected dat he wud marry me one day and i wud just laugh it off but i saw potential in him and can never imagine myself with anyone else but him...i thank God for reconnecting us again and he recently asked me to marry him with the most gorgeous ring ever! And of course i said YES!!! its not been easy cos its a long distance relationship but i wouldnt trade it for anyother cos tbh it doesnt feel like one...we're always chatting and he has never given me a reason to feel neglected....never felt love like that before....the only difference is dat we dont get to see each other often but we try as much as possible to see every 3 or 4months...seeing him again dis xmas and i cant wait!!!

    i think i digressed too much but what i'm trying to say is that ladies should move closer to God and give themselves brain before it's too late so u dont end up blaming urself...

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    1. Well spoken my dear!!! In a similiar position with you (past and present)but my present BF is a divorcee and i dont hear him talk about marriage but rather he would make comment like "ur kids will be beautiful" ( he has kids from his previous marriage). I have laid it all down at the feet of Jesus. Thank you for sharing.

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    2. Why did you cut it short na? You should have collected extra pages to add more to your headache-inducing long story. Elejo wewe oshi.

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    3. madam anonymous 16:46. it must be really sad and lonely to be u sha... i pity ur life!!!! u better learn and go and think about ur life....im sure ur one of those girls wasting their time on a guy and deep down wishing he will pop d question one day. learn to give urself brain and wise up...beef dog oshi...

      anon 12:11 thanks for sharing jare

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    4. Anon 12:11...I love ur story, it reminds me of my life...I wish you all d best in ur marriage...*hugs*

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    5. LMSAO @ Elejo wewe oshi. I don't know what the fuck it means but will be glad if someone can translate it for me.

      Single ladies moving closer to God to get a husband have you honestly followed his conditions 100% or you are still leaving in fornication and believing God for a husband... your knees never begin de peel na why you still de worry GOD? It really doesn't work like that. Read your Bibe or Koran again.
      Secondly, Do you guys honestly read your Bible? Bcos if you do, you'd see where one of the apostles talked about the singles ministry...... which he said is a better way to serve God as you have no worries...(or something like that).
      Before God, he don't care if you are married or single. All he is looking for is those who will worship him in spirit and in truth.
      I don't know why single ladies are quick to quote the Bible passage that suits them. Men are supposed to look for a husband and not the other way round... blah blah blah.
      Women should by now realise that guys will always be guys.

      @The story teller, please, when you see your bobo, RESPECT GOD. If you and your BF don't have sex until he leaves.... he is your husband. But if he wan do.... my dear run cos you are back to square one. And since God knowns your secret which is to only come close to him cos you need a husband.... he will punish you small! So enjoy your prayers answered with wisdom.

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    6. ***Men are supposed to look for a wife and not the other way round... blah blah blah.***

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  4. Its not easy on us young men as for me with right amount of money I am good to go.

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  5. Yawwwwn

    Ladies, shine your eyes and use your common sense. All these textbook epistles won't help you.

    Ladun, learn how to write or "copy and paste" in a tidy manner na. Number the subtitles or highlight them, to make the prose easy to read.

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  6. Am man talking abt marriage doesn't gurantee he will marry u...its hard to detect the truth dis days...may God help all d single ladies...AMEN

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  7. A man talking abt marriage doesn't gurantee he will marry u...u hardly kw truth 4rm a lie...may God help all d single ladies...Amen

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  8. Any girl older than 21 shud not date a guy who is not serious about marriage. Trust me 21 is not too early cos before you know it time flies. I am not saying get married at 21 but the whole courting and dating thing shud start at least.

    If the guy does not mention marriage after a few months, what are you doing? U r just branding urself with him cos no guy will come near you and he can move to anoda girl weneva he likes. So dump him if he is not making serious moves like introducing you to his parents n family, meeting your parents n family, finding out what you want to do with your life or telling you what he wants to do with his life.

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    1. Ur getting it all wrong...meeting his family or urs doesn't still gurantee anytin...men...they can be so wicked...am talking 4rm xperience...so just play ur part n don't expect much..

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    2. sorry 21 is a bit early. that's a child. from 25 yes.

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    3. age doesnt have anything to do with maturity... there are 21 yr old women and der 26 yr old girls

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  9. Ladun's biggest fan05 December, 2012 16:36

    What of the spiritual angle? Incubus, succubus, the ones that their mothers have tied to their apron strings, the ones that other women have "sekped" for them? I hear and read all sorts these days. If there's an absence of all these textbook theories and he's not budging, then what?
    I second that yawn.

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    1. I dey fear you oh
      Incubus, succubus chills lmao

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    2. lmao @ anon 20:19.d grammar too much!

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    3. I'm really laughing here...but pls explain those words u have released for us..i vaguely believe it means spirit wife..abi???

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    4. Ladun's biggest fan06 December, 2012 23:43

      Correct Ma. Spiritual things.

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  10. Funny thing is, its not all about single ladies these days, there are some nice and responsible young men out there, who end up with the worst of all wives, I think it swings both ways o, both male and female should pray to God for the best spouse.

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    1. Tell me about it. My brothers (I blame my mum for raising them soft) have suffered.
      Their wives are indescribable.

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  11. talking about men that end up with the worst of all wives, u need to find out if they chose looks over personality. i'm a big girl in terms of size, and while i meet men all the time, i keep hearing d same thing. things like ur husband will be a lucky man, u r a nice person, u'll make a good wife but then end up picking d skinny girl for marriage. i have lost count of how many men on my bb message me saying they wished they had taken things further with me and moan about how lazy and self-absorbed thier wives r. but who do u blame wen u were looking for a model/trophy wife?

    so while ur happy to say women r bad, the men were stupid enough to let thier brain cells go on holiday wen picking thier partners.

    this is not to say all fat girls make better wives and all skinny girls make bad wives. just pointing out a different angle based on personal experience.

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