Friday, January 11, 2013

Just In: My Husband Wants to Take a Second Wife

Please I didn’t edit this because I am in haste. The mail just came in. Thanks.

My name is Mrs Adelaja and I have been married to a wonderful man for the past 10yrs. We have a 9year old son together but after then I have not been able to conceive, we have been to almost all the churches in Africa for deliverance and we have also been to hospitals and I have taken all sorts of medications, yet we didn’t get the result we expected.


My husband’s family wants him to take another woman and he has agreed to it, but he is still denying it to me. I can’t have kids again that’s what the doctors said and my husband wants as many kids as possible, I can’t stand seeing my husband with another woman not to mention him marrying another woman. I don’t know if I am being self-centered but I am a Christian my faith does not support polygamy.

I know my husband loves and respects me but if I allow him to take another woman, I know one thing for sure and it’s that I am going to loose my home because right now we are having some financial crisis and he is suggesting I move in with my parents which they have agreed upon, while he rents a mini apartment until he can complete his building and I know that will hasten his steps in picking a second wife, honestly I don’t know what to do because I am close to 40 already.

78 comments:

Anonymous said...

This is a very serious issue. Polygamy can be very frustrating. After having 7 kids, my dad took a second wife. We all left the house for him. After a year, he chased the woman away and came to beg. All u have to do is pray and hope he changes his mind. U can talk to him.

Have you seen this news on GISTville where our own club chief revealed that that they have been using juju to make Super Eagles win? Na wa o!

mackielycious.com said...

Second wives are for war....take note!

horpey said...

Trust me u av not been to d church were ur breakthrough is,God knws abt wat u are goin 2ru. If u dnt mind I wld invite u to ma church nd ur story wld change

sexyboocalher said...

OMG!!! There is notin possible in God's sight n I no it 4 sure!!! Doc proposes,God disposes...go 2 him in prayas**sickface**

Anonymous said...

mtchewww

horpey said...

Trust me u av nt found d right church dats y. Your breakthrough is vewi close all u need is d ryt church. If u dnt mind I wld lyk to invite u to ma church

Anonymous said...

Madam, better don't move to ur parents house or anywhere. If he's renting a mini flat, go & stay there with him. I know somebody that rented a flat 4 his wife in d name of renovating their duplex. He sent his wife to d flat with his kids & married new wife. So better don't try it.

scorpion said...

You move out, you lose him.
Can't you or why didn't u adopt a child?
Surrogate nko?
Have u tried other fertility options?
U don't like polygamy for selfish reasons not religious reasons(just airing that out for u).
God's time is the best
You can't do anything except keep hoping n praying.

Didi said...

My dear sister,go 2 TB Joshua'§ church in lagos 4 prayers nd i tell u dat wit faith dat wld β ur last bus stop.it is well

Jacqueline said...

Madam there's nothing God cannot do there was a testimony in my church of a lady who got married at 42 and gave birth to triplets at 43 your case is not different God is no respecter of persons what He did for one he will do for all. Pls ensure to attend #5NightsOfGlory from 21-25 January 2013 4:30pm daily At Salvation Ministries GRA Portharcourt And Satellite And Viewing Centres Nationwide, or watch online at salvationministrieshc.org Be A Part Of It!! God will Bless You and restore your marriage in Jesus name.

ogechi okoye said...

Talk to God...

Anonymous said...

I know you're in financial crisis but u guys could consider an IVF procedure. Its done in Nigeria also. If he truly loves u he will be willing to go through this process. Many women have been successful in getting children no matter how old through IVF. So give it a shot.

baruch said...

Pls pray about it n ask for Gods guidiance n intervention. IMO, if he stl decides to, pls back out. Leave d marriage!

Anonymous said...

So sorry about this situation. But dear this is Africa. and poligamy abounds everywhere. so as sad as it may, if he finally decides to settle for a 2nd wife u have to find room in ur heart to accept and live with it so you dont loose out. Your son needs his father and needs harmony too to grow up and be the man you wish he becomes, so be d good christain you are and leave the rest to the Most High

Anonymous said...

Well i am a guy and i think your husband is dumb and funny since you guys already have a child and should be thankful for that... So i think him wanting to get another wife might have nothing to do with you no conceiving again and might have to do with his kind of person... So i think your best solution is to not move in with your parent and move into the small apartment with him since it's for better for worse, It's called standing by your man in hard time

Anonymous said...

Go to TB Joshua's church in Lagos. Its not over yet. Do not despair...better is yet to come

Anonymous said...

is dat y u r crying? watz wrong in that? e no kill u na.(ko pa e). my advice is that u suppport ur husby and pray 4 him to find a calm lady as 2nd wife so u all can live peacefully. tk care

Anonymous said...

You guys are having financial crisis, he cannot complete the family house, he wants to return you to your parents house, rent an apartment, marry a new wife and have more kids. My dear either your husband is planning to subtly divorce you and move on with a new wife who MIGHT(God gives children) or he is dumb and stupid.
Why can't folks realize that when it comes to children its quality not quantity. Why bring so much children into this world when you don't have the financial capabilities to take care of them properly.
My advice to you is prepare yourself for the worse and raise your child so that by Gods grace he or she will be equal to 10 children.
Good luck

Anonymous said...

Sorry dear ders noffn u can do!
Have u lot tried IVF thou?
But den again.. IVF is quite expensive and u lot hav financial crisis!
I wud hav said u shud pray but den again..how does dat help!
He wants more kids and I don't blame him...
Oh well
Wat abt adoption??
Goodluck dear!
P.s..ladun is it dat u don't find black ppl's pic 2 use on google??
Get pics according 2 wat u r posting!
*rme*
Billie jean

Anonymous said...

You're even lucky you have a child.. Honestly, unless a miracle happens and you conceive again, your husband will marry a second wife, that's just the bitter truth. Face it and live with it..

Anonymous said...

Do you want to wait until they kill you? Since he has made up his mind, move on so he won't have to marry the woman over your dead body. Believe me, the man has already planned all his moves and that's why he is telling you to move in with your parents. It happened to my mum. She gave birth to 2 girls and a boy and my father's family wanted more boys. My father also supported and started dating other women. My mum refused to leave until she mysteriously got very sick for 2 years and left the house on a strecher. Funny thing is that the woman ended up giving birth to 4 girls. Now my so called dad is seeking our attention but its not working. My brother doesn't talk to him. We really suffered but thank God we are all doing very well. Its not going to be easy but my dear, you are better off alive than dead. My mum is alive today because she left, if not she would have died in that house. I pray God sustains you and you would find peace and happiness with any decision you make.

Anonymous said...

U shld stay wit him wherever he goes.Try takin living bitter 4 ur system.

Anonymous said...

U shld stay wit him wherever he goes.Try takin living bitter 4 ur system.

Anonymous said...

it is not easy my sister keep on beleiving in God for a miracle.pls move into that one apartment with him God will see u thru

Inemesit Udoituen said...

Dnt agree o. Y dnt u suggest adopting children wit d moni he wud've used 2 marry anoda wife. Bt men nawa o. He doesn't hv moni 2 complete his house yet marrying 2nd wife is his priority. Smh

Inemesit Udoituen said...

Dnt agree o. Y dnt u suggest adopting children wit d moni he wud've used 2 marry anoda wife. Bt men nawa o. He doesn't hv moni 2 complete his house yet marrying 2nd wife is his priority. Smh

Anonymous said...

You are having financial problems,yet he wants as many kids as possible?...So wait,is it dat u can't live in the mini apartment he's about to rent?why do you have to leave Your home to your parent's house?(He's indirectly sending you packing).Go to the lord in prayer.only him can fight your battles.Madam,meanwhile,I hope you have a means of income for yourslf and your child.hope for the best and prepare for the worst! The Lord is with you!

Laduns House Boy said...

I hate to abuse peoples husbands but madam dont you think its your husband that needs deliverance? He is having financial crisis and he is thinking of marrying a new wife and having more kids. Why cant you move into a mini flat with him? Sincerely, i think you should take him for deliverance. He may actually be the one with the problem.

Anonymous said...

B4 u got marid to him are u sure dat d marriage wa approved by God or u just decided to marry, if it was, U are a christian ryt! Den pray, ther is nuffn God cannot do, evn if he sends u bak don't loose faith, pray n ask God 4 an intervention and as long as u kip havin faith in him,mbok ull get d result no matter wat eya.... Wat is ur will mos def come bak to u no mara ow long it will tk.
#rock gurl#

Anonymous said...

While you cannot stop him from marrying a second wife, you can guard your own territory. Move in with him to the mini flat. He can get a flat for the other woman. Until he informs you officially, he still belongs to only you.

Concentrate on yourself, your child and business. Always look good. Stop stressing over the child matter. I hope you are engaged with a job or business. Anything can happen o. Start saving seriously.

Sista Caro said...

Egba mi? They(your husbands family) have finished matter. The day you move to your parents, kiss your marriage bye bye. Foolish man, foolish family. They act as if they don't have daughters and sisters who could be in your position. Just prepare your mind for the worst. But....... if you are a very prayerful woman, you would win them all and put them to shame. Some mens brain are like that of a pin head. And my dear, there is nothing wrong with you! They are the ones that have issues. Maybe he has a sugar mama that is ready to sponsor him and his hungry family and they want you out of the way. Bloody fools. Make sure you look after your self and your child. Trust me, he would come begging some day. Bastards.

happy yoruba bunny said...

sorry mama
speechless
peace is all u need right now

Anonymous said...

oh! What a dilema! What kinda advice do one give in dis kinda situastion?!*confuse*.

Abeke said...

Go to God in prayers, u shuldnt have believed the diagnosis of mere mortals, trust in God wholeheartedly and watch him take over

Deekay said...

Financial crisis yet he has money for another wife, and lots of kids. What a couple! Others don't even have one yet u guys do but are ungrateful. U both deserve each other. What a useless husband. Loves and respects u, indeed!!

Anonymous said...

Go on ur knees woman,talk to ur God,no one can help u here

Anonymous said...

go and pray

Anonymous said...

Well the writing is on the wall. He is returning you to your parents soon. If you cant take a second wife, divorce him and adopt a child. If you can, give him a go ahead, as long as he puts up a new place for the new woman.

Anonymous said...

Madam, i wish i was sorry for you but i am not sure you are speaking the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you God. So because of financial crisis he has suggested "you move in with your parents while he rents a mini apartment untill he completes his building" and your parents agreed. SMH!
Madam, marriage is not a do or die affair. If he says he is tired... let him go. As difficult as that sounds you leave me no choice cos you are contradicting yourself "I know my husband loves and respects me". If he really and truly loves and respect you, he won't think of making you unhappy by 1. suggesting you move in with your parents while he rents a mini flat. 2. By agreeing to taking another wife. 3. By not sticking to his marital vows... for better for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health.
Unfortunately, he is not a wonderful man simply because he knows of your medical condition and still wants to hurt you.
He has a son by you who bares his name. If na woman now i'll say isorrite. But you have a son shouldn't that count for something at least?
Shebi you are a woman of faith.... Don't stop trusting God. He keeps asking.. Is there anything impossible for me to do? Take you worries and cares to GOD! It is not all about deliverance. Are you praying amiss? Pray that God will heal your marriage! The womb and conceiving will fall into place when your home is truly happy.
I wish u all d best.

Read this and other women's comments.
http://ladunliadi.blogspot.com/2012/08/readers-mailadvice-from-single-lady-to.html#more

Anonymous said...

What can one say, go to God in prayers.

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Anonymous said...

Rubbish talk.

Anonymous said...

Y re uu all promoting churches naw...it dosnt matter wer one goes, all dt matters is the faith..so ve uu given up on urself,U̶̲̥̅̊я faith..i think its time uu lift evrytin up to God..let U̶̲̥̅̊я husband do whatever he likes, uu just cling to him as a wife and continually do U̶̲̥̅̊я duties, but forget not the God thou saveth..just renew U̶̲̥̅̊я faith ,it might be long but surely it will come to pass...

Anonymous said...

My dear, dis is really sad. In a relationship wit a man who cheats is terrible talk more of him gettin married to another. U will hate ur life. Pack ur bags, take ur son n leave. Dat marriage is over. D only prayer point u should have is 4 strength n grace to start over. If u still stay he will maltreat u. Men r terrible, once de r tired, de r tired. No going back. Move on. Move on. Move on

****Mufasa Said said...

My dear, do not move in wt ur parents, that will be ur ticket out of his life! Even if u are in some kind of financial ish, stay wt him, if he wants 2 rent a face-me-i-slap-u, move in wt him coz once ure out, u become a stranger to him. He no longer wants 2 pick ur call or see u. There is absolutely nothing God cannot do and I suggest u pray against that strange woman whreva she wants 2 rear her ugly head from!

Ladies pls no one is a saint but know that u kw d pains of d woman @ home, pls stay clear from anoda woman's husband.

****Mufasa Said

Anonymous said...

You n i share the same story. Mum had 7 of us, dad married another woman, we left him and he later came begging. The only solution to this ladies problem is consistant prayer.

kendra said...

Right now,the only solution to ur problem is God! He's the only one that can do what u want. Don't say u ve gone to the whole church in africa without getting any positive result,u are alive today cos of ur prayers. Some people are looking for that one child u have and they don't have it,and ur hubby is grateful for that. What makes him think he's gonna bear children with the other wife he wants to marry

He's going thru financila crises now,getting married should be the last thing on his list yet that's what he's thinking of.. Don't go to ur parents house,cos the day u go,that's the end of ur marriage.. Stay prayerful

If u don't mind and that's if u are interested,I'd like to invite u to my church. Christ link assembly. Its in Lagos,surulere,akenrela...

www.thebanquethall.blogspot.com said...

Madam,as difficult as your situation maybe, and I say so because you wear the shoes...one thing is sure, you have no peace. In the midst of these all, you allowed the devil steal your peace. You need Jesus, am not talking about going-to-church-cos-am-a-christian-Jesus. I mean having Jesus in your soul/spirit. The peace of God will give you rest and then you can pray in faith. Pls don't give up. How can you say, u've been to many churches yet nothing..faith never fails. Faith never says NO. Go back to God in faith and learn to talk right. Refuse to sound negative, no matter how hardpressed you are.

God can save your marriage and open your womb in Jesus name. Pls never talk defeat nor fear, cos that's what the devil wants you to do. You must resist the devil that's attacking your marriage and put God first. Learn to trust God in FAITH N PERSEVERANCE. Speak the right words n refuse to be afraid. Your marriage will be saved in Jesus name. Believe and pls visit my Non-religious but Christian blog, www.thebanquethall.blogspot.com Take your time to read all them messages, you need to. May God bless you and give you peace in Jesus name. Amen.

P.S., if you don't hv a job, get one..work has a way of helping with all this domestic stress. It's also good for a woman to have her own money.

Faith said...

You think its so easy to pack your bags and go? Our society is not receptive to such women. They would even castigate her before listening to her. There a lot of things that are happening spiritually. If every woman had to leave her husband house because of threat....... thats means no body would be married in Nigeria. We face all sorts of spiritual warfares from 'the other women', family members, friends etc. God help us. You just have to have faith in God and pray! Not running from one deliverance center to another. at the end of the day you are drained out because in 100 pastors that you meet 98% are Fake and your little savings, which you would need , would disappear. So you can do it yourself depending on your FAITH in God and the spirit of not giving up! Stop crying and start getting close to your God. Start from midnight prayers and see all your enemies scatter. Rather cry to him. And in the morning have a bright smile on your face because you would be spiritually charged. Leave God to fight your battle. Thank your God that at least you have a SON. Some are in worst situation. The only time i would advise you to run is if you are in an abusive relationship. Goodluck my dear. *Hugs*

Anonymous said...

the guy is having financial problems, instead of him picking himself up, hes thinking about a second wife and wants to have another child he can't afford.. talk to your husband to get his priority straight 1st...

Janded said...

Do not move out! No way! Stay and fight for your home. Lets hope and pray he does not take another wife.

Anonymous said...

what's the point of having a second wife you can't afford? Nigerians.. he will now be blaming his problems on his enemy, take care of the child you have.

Anonymous said...

i don't think he should remarry, he should just get a girl pregnant and accept the child

Anonymous said...

Billie jean,I've always "liked" ur comments but with ur question"how would prayers help?"I think I'm a bit disappointed.
Please,don't include prayers as one of ur yabbing points.
Thank you.

Anonymous said...

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you are trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but all you do is sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit
Rest if you must, but don't you quit...
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out,
Don't give up though the pace seems slow,
You may succeed with another blow,
Success is failure turned inside out
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far,
So, stick to the fight when you are hardest hit
It's when things seem worst that YOU MUST NOT QUIT.

maya said...

Anon 12:39 u r jus a fool 4ur comment.put ur self in ha shoes u dog.yes m bitter

Anonymous said...

True talk and very mature advise Faith. Marriages are been attacked daily. It takes the Grace of God to survive. Please fight for your home. Also dont bother talking to your husband now because he's been tied up spiritually and he would never listen now cause he has subconsciously invited the devil without even knowing. You would be irritating him now. Give him time and space and things would turn around. Men can't handle their egos when things are not working financially for them. God would fight for you.

Funky said...

Exactly o! He has no money he's in financial crisis but he wants to marry another wife? He has money for that? Your husband is a liar!!!! He indirectly wants to send you away and that's his strategy. Don't fall in for it I pray God resolves this issue and fast. At least he has a child, I wonder what other married couple still looking for children should do. If tables were turned and it's the man that has issues, they'll beg the woman to stay and look after the one child. But now wey na woman, the man wan go marry another woman. He dey financial difficulty he is not using his dumb ass brain to think of how he'll use the money he has to raise the lovely family God has give him. Instead he wants to bring more children into the world that he can't feed!!! Stupid man ewu shior

Monijesu said...

Whether he informs her formally or not, she, the other woman and an intruder.
she is not his covenant wife. Nah housemaid she be, whom they would soon discard.
singing Obey...what God has joined together, let no man put asunder....chorus.......

Anonymous said...

Damn good advice!

Anonymous said...

The man has not even told you he wants to marry another wife, why are you stressing unnecessarily

Stay with your husband. Ignore the IVF, TB Joshua, different churches Ideas. Its too late at 40 to start running helter skelter. Cling to your own faith and mode of worship. Concentrate on things that make you happy. Look after you child. Start a business and save

If you have 100 children, your husband can still take a 2nd wife. Ignore the family gossips telling you things. Until your husband tells you otherwise, you are still his only wife

Anonymous said...

Sorry dear, May God Almighty grant you peace, wisdom and order your steps. It is well...

Sue said...

hurry to mountain of fire (mfm) prayer city or any of their branches,ask to see any of the pastors they would give u prayers to pray by urself...u would be amazed at ur testimony, someone gave birth at 48...ur case is too small for Gof

Buks said...

My dear you are so right , I just spoke with my hubby concerning this issue , I have a beautiful daughter , like anyone can create an eyelashe , aaabeg me I would not kill myself if he wants let him bring oooh I have one life to live , na person wey dey world dey talk , nobody knows how life will go it is only God , please let's enjoy ourselves

lara said...

Hahhaaaa, so true. Awon ole. Feju Feju

Anonymous said...

Naked yourself in a room and cry to God, remind hime this is how you came to this world and you are nothing without him. Beg him to save your home, pray against home breakers who want to steal your husband from you, do not argue with him and keep your hands clean from evil. Pray and God will answer u.

Anonymous said...

This tin happens everywhere madam.my dad married another woman bcos my mum gave birth to 5 girls can u imagine dat.men are wicked and so so selfish.funny enof the lady in question is yet to give birth to any child since 2 yrs of their marriage.pray madam,God will def fit 4 u.from Bukky

lucabracee said...

its really sad and archaic some men's thought process in this day and age,if the man was wealthy and had no financial issues then good for him however for a man who is barely scrapping money to get by and also with the added financial stress of building a house to think of marrying another woman is just insane…
throwing another mouth and possibly more kids into a precarious financial mess means he would most likely have to live from hand to mouth or might not even complete the house due to financial constraints..later when things seem to be stagnant financially they start to blame some poor old woman in the village as the cause of their travails..

i will advice the lady to just check herself first of all and try identifying any serious issues her husband might have about her,the first issue most times is appearance hit the gym and dress nicer and more in keeping with the age if thats what he likes,drop the iro and buba,and the boring old clothes and dress sexy chic and more in keeping with modern times

spice up the sex life,suggest outings like cinemas and stuffs and encourage your husband to be open with his feelings and you will be surprised what comes stumbling out

Anonymous said...

Ha sista caro,u just got it,dt's d xact way my husband's head is..Pin head.
My dear Mrs...I beg u 2 ignore,I wldnt say move out,I wldnt say stay with him but concrete more on ur child and work 4 now n totally ignore dm,dis is happenn 2 mi now even with 2kids with a marriage less dn 7yrs,he started his rubbish some years back so I decided 2 av all my children,and now am doing well with my children n my job..don't leave dt house yet make sure u plan well,cos if u leave without any plans,d responsibility of dt child wld b on u.pls don't show him any mercy when d time comes.I am dating some1 else now and am having fun but no luv in my dictionary again. Ciao

Anonymous said...

And you are stupid for not being able to understand simple ENGLISH!!
How do you know I am not on her shoes?

Anonymous said...

So sad, pls do not move in with your parents. Once you move in with your parents you are out of his life for good. Have you tried the Bridge clinic in VI with Dr. Ajayi for IVF? My uncles wife did and thier son is about 7yrs old now as a result of the IVF. God will surely answer your prayers my dear. But pls do not stay in an abusive relationship. Marriage is not a ticket to heaven. Your son needs you Biko.

Anonymous said...

So true. He's just finding an excuse to get rid of her.

Anonymous said...

It's not too late at 40, what ignorance.

Deekay said...

Same bible says heaven helps those...etc...smh!

It's about time people started taking responsibilities for their actions/inactions.

Anonymous said...

You're wicked!

Anonymous said...

Una go don confuse this woman with all Ur comments n advice. My dear pray and follow Ur heart. Taking to too many people and getting different advice is the worst thing dat can happen to u. Point to note-people will tell u what they won't do. Noone can ever give u d right advice cos dey r not in Ur shoes. Pray and follow Ur heart. All the best

Anonymous said...

Bless you Deekay and Billie jean! You guys rock. I'm quite excited we have right thinking people like you lot and not brain washed zombies. She should pray?! Like she hasn't been praying? Hiss. Her husband has his eyes set on another woman. A man with financial problems doenst speak of marrying another wife. How is he supposed to cater for them. If he has sent her to her parents as his appartment is gonna get smaller, where would the new wife stay. Girl! Your man is speaking in double dutch. He doesn't want you anymore. You have one child (a boy as men love). Tell him you don't agree with his plan but if he insists move on. Get a house, start a business, live your life and be happy. Why latch on to a man who clearly has had enough of you hence all the flimsy excuses? And for whoever said be happy his taking a second wife and live in harmony.. Wow! Please do not be complacent. It benefits no one in the end.
-Swan

Anonymous said...

You have no problem, you only think you do. I will give you my own 2 cents:

Don't move out of your home. Tell him you are married to be with him both in rain and storm. That mini flat is a strategy to bring in the lady with him.

Stop jumping from church to church. You will only continue to meet disappointments. God is hiding or running helter skelter, so why look for him everywhere as if he is dead?

Hold onto your FAITH. Faith does not time God. Faith does not doubt. Faith does not tremble. It's the amount you have in you that speaks for you. The forgetting time is the Faith time. When you start thanking God for whom He is and all he has done for you. Then, He won't see you as an ingrate. He will then manifest. Also, Prayer, Prayer, Prayer.

Buckle up your shoes. Don't joke with your job/business if you have one. Expand your sources of income. Infact, think like a man!

Show your husband more love. Even if he is taking a new wife or not. Look better and more charming. Likewise your son, give him a lot of concentration.

Above all, he hasn't even confirmed to you, no qualms yet. Your mouth (Prayer) can turn things around. :)

Anonymous said...

Whatever the reason may be, I guess you don't need to air it out for her. There's nothing selfish about not sharing your husband with another woman ( just airing that out for you).