Tuesday, November 20, 2012

I Married Out Of Societal Pressure, Now I Can't Take it Any More

Ladun i know my story might not go down well with you. But please help me post it. I don’t need advice from your readers because i know i need to get out of this situation. But i need advice from women who have passed through my situation before and how they got out of it. I have cried in the past but i have stopped crying. I would have loved to tell you my names because you know me. But i do not want you to feel sorry for me.

Ladies have a million and one secret you don't know. I call them the world's secret.  I am only two months old in my marriage. I married a man i do not love. Please don't criticize me. All my young cousins are married. My mother kept pestering me, the society won't let me be. I got almost fed up with life even though i am a successful lady taking up few family responsibilities.


I regret every action i have made. If not that i am pregnant, i would have walked away damning all consequences. I can't stand his touches. Our sex life is WACK, SMELLS, IRRITATING. My life has become more miserable. We fight every day. I told him to let us live separately and pretend to people things are fine but he refused. God help me have this baby in peace. I need to LEAVE his apartment. The apartment we got together.

We had a huge argument yesterday, and i am planning to run to England during Christmas and might not return. I don't have a stay but i am determined to mess with my passport to get out of his sight and that of my family (my mom). Thank God my brothers are supporting me in this. Including the born again one among them.

The truth is i need help. I used my own hands to scatter my life due to family and societal pressure. If you have gone through this before, please tell me how you got out of this HELL.

113 comments:

  1. DEEP

    THATS ALL I CAN SAY

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    1. By the time you get to london and join the league of single mothers suffering without paper, then you will really appreciate your husband. Remember as soon as you drop a child, your market value reduces due to deflation or sagging of the boobs.

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    2. That's d best advice you can give? U retard!!

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  2. Deep!
    You married because of presssure?
    Intresting.
    I'll sit this one out!
    All d luck in d world missy.

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    1. O ye libers u r here again! Bonario is d only faithful one! Smh

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  3. OYO call upon ur God and he will answer you.

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  4. I feel sorry for you thou, i was in this mess last 3years and thank God i was not pregnant and also Thank God i realized wat i was doing before the guys family turned me a graduate into their house keeper and baby making mama, I just finished my NYSC and i went to meet his family that i was tired and cud not cope with there brother , before they knew wat was happening i left town and never surfaced again . Well i hope you make the right decisions ,especially now you have his baby growing in you .

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  5. Girl i know how u feel. but pls b4 u run away think of the kid. i think u should just give it a few more months. its not easy at all but u may actually come to love him. well good luck whatever ur decision.

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    1. well, the child matters so does yur happiness. If u dont love him now, it wont change. Bringing up a child in an environment filled with hatred n quarel will affect him negatively. U can leave now or in years time with 2 or 3 kids

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  6. Thou am nt married but we re in similar situation being pester by my mum and family to marry I guy I do nt love ~i won't ~they won't be dere when d suffering starts sooo am taking one day at a time thou am 35 am nt giving up or getting married into a loveless marriage ~

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    1. I was particularly touched by your story. I've been there too. I'm in my late 40s. Will you consider contacting me? We might just be good for each other - johnct650@yahoo.com. Thanks

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  7. DIS IS A LESSON TO THOSE DAT MARRY DUE TO PRESSURE... HAVE YOUR BABY WITH HIM AND MOVE ON!! U NEED TO START IGNORING SOCIETAL BELIEVES AND GO WITH YOUR HAPPINESS... ALSO PRAY ABOUT IT THINGS CAN CHANGE....

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  8. It is well with you.in the name of Jesus.just pray for something to happen.running away is not gonna do anything is not gonna help.the fact is if its not working out then is not working.i can imageine someone you don't love trouching you....it is well.... I feel so bad for you..I believe you will make it.pray till something happens ..nobody is in your shoes so we'll never understand...good luck and may the peace of God be with you.Amen

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  9. Pls peeps, what is Ladun's email? I want 2 snd her an importnt story?

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  10. Marriage is not by force. I know a few people who have been in your situation and they did the right thing. From your post it seems you know exactly what to do to get yourself out of your present situation so do it.

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  11. your mood now isnt good for the unborn child.......ur idea of travelling dis December isnt a bad idea but u can go for sum tym nd cum bak, den think of wat next to do,pls dnt even think of messing with your passport....

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  12. 2 months old? And you have the guts to come and complain here. Why don't you try to be a good wife first of all, and see if the love comes in.

    Yes, you got yourself into this mess, but please try to be someone who makes something good out of it and not coming here to complain.

    If he irritates you that much, why did you even sleep with him, hell, why did you even marry him.

    I'm so angry at you, I feel you don't even deserve a man that will love you. Get out jor.

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    1. Who really hurt you Dammy? Did you even read the story properly or you're just blinded by unnecessary anger?

      Please go ahead and stay in a loveless marriage and please STFU.

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  13. Pele take heart
    I too am frustrated
    As hell that is why
    I am always mean on blog
    Leaving nasty comment to be noticed
    I am so miserable no one likes me
    Hence I move from blog to blog

    Billie Jean

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    Replies
    1. Lol ur a psychotic attention seeker! U better fix ur problems n dnt frustrate us happy blogers.

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    2. I don't like the real Billie Jean either but lady your shit got old 2weeks ago. Quit it.

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    3. Fake Billie Jean.

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  14. I am in the same situation.... But the truth is your love for God and the unborn child should keep you in the marriage.... GOD HATES DIVORCE!

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  15. Hissssssss
    -warriboi

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  16. Learn to love him and stop being silly. Forget all the negatives or stuff you do not like about him and just for once listen to him and see how it can get better.
    Both of you should start your life over again like you were not married. Go on ur first dates, do things that you would do with a guy you just met, to round up..... LEARN TO LOVE HIM

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    Replies
    1. Learn to love him? Wow you people just amaze me. We are talking the rest of her life here.

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  17. First things first; miss writer, you succeeded in saying a whole lot without actually saying anything. Like wtf are you talking about? You haven't told us what exactly it is ur going through in ur marriage or what the man is doing to u. I honestly can't contribute to this...makes no darn sense to me

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    1. @MissJay: my thots exactly. D story is jus all over the place gan. Hard to make head or tail out of it

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  18. Hello. And Bye.

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  19. Welcome to my world babe. I have kids now and cringe when he touches me I am repulsed. I can't even leave him cause the kids are his life and it would kill him if I left. So now am enjoying life with my ex on the side. He's married too, but we love each other more than we love our partners. Its your cross girl, pls carry it proudly.

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    1. You think you are enjoying life? Continue o. When Karma catches up with you, tears will finish in your eyes. I've been there.

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    2. You think you are enjoying life? Continue o. When Karma catches up with you, tears will finish in your eyes. I've been there.

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    3. Billionaire you really think your ex loves you more than his wife? Buhahahahahaha joker. My dear you're a side chick. That's all you will be darling.

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    4. People that cheat are scum. If things were really going that bad, you would have divorced. I wonder how you undress and show deflated boobs in presence of shameless lover! Smh

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  20. Hello. And Bye.

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  21. 2 months is too short to throw in the towel if he doesn't beat or cheat on u . .if he takes good care of u , then find a way to be his friend and vice versa. Let each other talk of things that turn u off like what smells . Just discover ways in which both of u can go out off ur way to be loving and nice to each other... Gradually u see d feeling growing. It can only work if the two work at if , if its only one person it won't work

    Also nothing is worth been illegal in another country. Don't even try it in d uk, remove ur mind from there.... Worse case play d america visa lottery and pray u win next year

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    1. Nice reply, antenatal depression is real though only postnatal depression is inthe limelight

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  22. my dear, hell can be made bearable sometimes. how is it this guy's fault ... u set out to marry him.
    why don't u try to see if you can work things out ...perhaps learn to like him, perhaps work on those issues that bother you like the sex. Ask that you have sex in the bathroom ... stuff like that .. reach out .. sometimes yes, we do make a mistake but running away is not always the best option. Women have more power than people think and can really bring about changes in a man. Trust me, you can have that man eating out of your palms (no be jazz o)

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  23. my dear, hell can be made bearable sometimes. how is it this guy's fault ... u set out to marry him.
    why don't u try to see if you can work things out ...perhaps learn to like him, perhaps work on those issues that bother you like the sex. Ask that you have sex in the bathroom ... stuff like that .. reach out .. sometimes yes, we do make a mistake but running away is not always the best option. Women have more power than people think and can really bring about changes in a man. Trust me, you can have that man eating out of your palms (no be jazz o)

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  24. good for you. do what you like. sort your life out yourself.

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  25. Hmmmm if Ɣ☺ΰ don't L♥√e sombody Ɣ☺ΰ can't love †̥h̶̲̥̅̊e̶̲̥̅̊ person with time especially †̥h̶̲̥̅̊e̶̲̥̅̊ one that his touch irritates Ɣ☺ΰ as ɑ̤̈̊ lady Ɣ☺ΰ can neva L♥√e such ɑ̤̈̊ ♍ɑ̤̈̊η and its nt his fault its urs for goining into it sö make it less painful for †̥h̶̲̥̅̊e̶̲̥̅̊ guy and leave him I̶̲̥̅̊n̶̲̥̅̊ peace †̥ find one who truly luvs him

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  26. @ Billie Jean you don't have to be bitter about what people think of you.know who you are and love yourself...people will always talk.I LOVE YOU

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  27. How am I supposed to advise you when you have not said anything? What exactly is the problem you have?

    He irritates you. So? You must have slept with him if you are pregnant so I guess there was a time he wasn't so irritating. You come across as a selfish, spoilt brat who isn't ready to work at anything! Every marriage has teething problems. I married my husband while still in love with an Ex. At a point, I couldn't stand anything about him but I was determined to make the marriage work. I might not love him in a smoke erupting passionate way but its a happy marriage now.

    Take responsibility for your actions and leave your Mum out of it. A lot of our parents married people they never courted and are still going strong several years later. Think responsibly and make lemonade with your lemons. I just wish your brothers are smarter than you and won't push you to fire.

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    1. Management marriage? This is what my parents always warn me about. Just wow.

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  28. Billie Jean, the good one, am glad u took my advice n registered ur name as a blog. Cool.

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  29. How do I know what you are going through abi what kind of aimless story is this?

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  30. How am I supposed to advise you when you have not said anything? What exactly is the problem you have?

    He irritates you. So? You must have slept with him if you are pregnant so I guess there was a time he wasn't so irritating. You come across as a selfish, spoilt brat who isn't ready to work at anything! Every marriage has teething problems. I married my husband while still in love with an Ex. At a point, I couldn't stand anything about him but I was determined to make the marriage work. I might not love him in a smoke erupting passionate way but its a happy marriage now.

    Take responsibility for your actions and leave your Mum out of it. A lot of our parents married people they never courted and are still going strong several years later. Think responsibly and make lemonade with your lemons. I just wish your brothers are smarter than you and won't push you to fire.

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  31. Y makin a mountain out of a mole,frm al I av read,u avent even ask 4God's intervntn,ur enemy mit later b ur bestfrnd,cal on God 4guidelines...help d baby in u,by nt growin him/her wtout a fadaly luv or care,try as much as possible 2luv ur hubby,I dnt bliv ur bn forcd by ur mum,u did d marriage,gt an apartmnt made luv 2him n yet u claim nt 2luv him,menh babez plssss check ursef,may God mks it easy 4u

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  32. Dis is a big lesson 4 d single lady's out dere. Dnt go in2 marriage becos of ur family or d society. Go in2 it in d name of luv. Ur mr. Right is dere waitn 4u regadless of time. As 4d writer, its 4better 4worse. U ve entered in2 it already. Pray 4God's grace n wrk 2geder wt him 2make d marriage wrk. Patience - d wrd

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  33. Like seriously, I don't know the head or tail of this story. What exactly is wrong with ur marriage? U didn't say anything

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  34. Still waiting for d concluding part of M&M story o. And as for this story, d best thing is to leave him and let him look for someone dat truly loves him and u might be lucky to get someone u love after having ur baby.life is funny. If he irritates u to d point of sex then dat means its over. And another thing is,if u leave u may not find someone again Lailai.

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  35. Oops! Sori 2 burst ur bubbles bt der is surely no exist in marriage, atleast dat was hw God designed it. U can work on it while askin God 2 help u.

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  36. Most of the people commenting here are soulless and lack empathy. Maybe due in to the hazy and near incoherent way in which you told your story.
    I understand what you are going through. How many people here have made love to someone they didnt love, heck like even? Stop judging so damn much.
    Don't mind these mini-gods, if you really feel that repulsed by him, odds are it's never really going to change....for the better. Leave now, if you are still young and can't cope, terminate the pregnancy. Bringing up a child in a hostile and hate filled environment can only produce vile children like the type you see on LLB and LIB. If only the sex is the problem and you can be friends, I'd say, give it a shot, but if you can't stand each other at ALL, then up and leave. That's the sensible and reasonable thing to do in the long run. My prayers are with you and know he that most if the sanctimonious sisters here are in loveless marriages. If you don't want that for yourself, be strong and leave. Xxxx.

    Swahili.

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  37. marriage is a journey of discovery so young woman work it out yourself...............

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  38. Someone said "God hates divorce"....well of course! Along with other sins we commit everyday!

    At the letter sender: I advise u leave because at this point, u gotta be selfishly happy for once. U lived ur life making everyone but urself happy....seize the moment and be happy! Forget what anyone says cos trust me, when time passes, this will be stale. Go away and pursue ur hopes and dreams...see the world and escape the box u live in where ur life has to be dictated by ppl constantly. life is way too short to be living for other ppl and society! I know y im saying this. I have seen many in ur shoes, and after alllll is said and done, they still leave (or live in misery). Those ppl u r trying to impress are not perfect themselves...they got shit going on in their own lives too believe me.

    Sooner or later u will leave...or cheat....or do something worse, cos if at two months u r already feeling this tired and disgusted, baby girl its a wrap!

    Naija is a very close-minded society so i know many ppl will be in ur ear chatting shit. But when u escape there and go abroad, u will see that life is much bigger than what u thought. U also do not wanna raise that baby in such a messed up environment. At least after having the baby away and recollecting urself again, u can make arrangements with ur (ex)hubby about the baby (ie who gets sole custody or whether to share custody of the baby).

    Dont listen to close minded nigerians especially the ones living back home cos they got my aunty in the ish she is in now (looong story...but if she would have acted on her initial instinct instead of listening to sanctimonious, self-righteous Nigerians, she wont be in the hell hole she's in now). Funny enough, i also had a family friend that her hubby used to beat the crap out of back in naij, and the pastor kept telling her to "behave better' and keep praying....what happened to her? The monster beat the sight out of her (she's blind now)...she ended up leaving after that debacle and the last time i went to naija i saw her, and i have never seen her look so happy and bubbly. The most ironic part is that the pastor advising her ended up divorcing his wife many yrs later (no its not okotie)...messed up huh? This is exactly why i say not to listen to shit close minded, self-righteous, unempathetic ppl will say cos when its their own turn, believe me; they will take care of themselves and not give a damn what anyone else thinks!

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  39. Someone said "God hates divorce"....well of course! Along with other sins we commit everyday!

    At the letter sender: I advise u leave because at this point, u gotta be selfishly happy for once. U lived ur life making everyone but urself happy....seize the moment and be happy! Forget what anyone says cos trust me, when time passes, this will be stale. Go away and pursue ur hopes and dreams...see the world and escape the box u live in where ur life has to be dictated by ppl constantly. life is way too short to be living for other ppl and society! I know y im saying this. I have seen many in ur shoes, and after alllll is said and done, they still leave (or live in misery). Those ppl u r trying to impress are not perfect themselves...they got shit going on in their own lives too believe me.

    Sooner or later u will leave...or cheat....or do something worse, cos if at two months u r already feeling this tired and disgusted, baby girl its a wrap!

    Naija is a very close-minded society so i know many ppl will be in ur ear chatting shit. But when u escape there and go abroad, u will see that life is much bigger than what u thought. U also do not wanna raise that baby in such a messed up environment. At least after having the baby away and recollecting urself again, u can make arrangements with ur (ex)hubby about the baby (ie who gets sole custody or whether to share custody of the baby).

    Dont listen to close minded nigerians especially the ones living back home cos they got my aunty in the ish she is in now (looong story...but if she would have acted on her initial instinct instead of listening to sanctimonious, self-righteous Nigerians, she wont be in the hell hole she's in now). Funny enough, i also had a family friend that her hubby used to beat the crap out of back in naij, and the pastor kept telling her to "behave better' and keep praying....what happened to her? The monster beat the sight out of her (she's blind now)...she ended up leaving after that debacle and the last time i went to naija i saw her, and i have never seen her look so happy and bubbly. The most ironic part is that the pastor advising her ended up divorcing his wife many yrs later (no its not okotie)...messed up huh? This is exactly why i say not to listen to shit close minded, self-righteous, unempathetic ppl will say cos when its their own turn, believe me; they will take care of themselves and not give a damn what anyone else thinks!

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  40. @anon21:13 she never loved him but only married him to please her family, and now she is living the reality of marrying someone she does not love/isnt attracted to. What was so hard to understand there?

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  41. My advise as a mother of 4kids married for 12years is: DIVORCE him!

    Please take good care of yourself and wish you a safe delivery.

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    1. Aunty married for twelve years, so easy for you to sit in your husband's house and type 'divorce' in caps. So if one of your 4 kids come to you for advice after being married for just two months, your first words would be divorce him/her? Aunty I feel sorry for them o. I feel really sorry.

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  42. Sorry o!just pray n have faith is only God that can do it for u.

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  43. WONU: I believe luv grows en urs can grow as well only if u ready to push it hard enuf en hv a lil patience. Am nt married but I understand wat u goin thru and pple alwys say d first year is d hardest. God will help u

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  44. just one advice for you; you are already married and you cant be unmarried, dont let ur brothers ruin your marriage cos years from now u'l be the lonely one while they'l be enjoying there own marriages.
    just pray by the time you bond with him longer u'l get to love him. nobody is perfect, ur worst enemy today may be your best friend 2mao.

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  45. First of all, @ Dammy, you must be a fool!
    It is hard loving someone you do not like. Being creative and making the sex life better doesnt bring about love. when a woman is not happy, she isnt!
    I really feel for you! I am facing the same issue here. I am disgusted by my man and i find every fault in him. I dont wanna conclude I am JAZZED up but i feel what ever charms have been broken. I remain in this mainly because of my mother. while growing up, and watching my friends and cousins get married, its always said marry a man your mother loves n approves of. I never loved him from day 1. Every guy i dated, my mother hated. I decided to give in and go with everyones choice. things are so bad financially between us, I look at him and i wanna throw up. Never did I imagine i would marry or even date a man like him. no Finesse at all.oma se o! if not for the love i have for my mother. i am pregnant now and the world around me is so happy but deep in me, i am scared. Can i ever love this man? I have turned into a chronic lair when he ask if i love him, i lie and say Yes! i try to be nice to him but i snap alot and tell him its the pregnancy.
    My dear run if you can, people r going hurt but your happiness is most important.
    I am still in mine because my mum has a high BP. I want her happy always! SHe scarifies so much for us kids,

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    1. Wow indian girl...we r in the same shoes....tho my mum has high bp too..I had to leave mehnn cos I also got high bp cos of ds marriage...n for ur info if she's d one tellin u don't leave cos of my high bp..that's emotional blackmail n parents are good in doin that.so please do wat makes u happy.ur mum will b fine

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  46. i have been there and i can tell you im out of it and im very happy been a single parent to my child. i got married after all the pressure i got from my parent. All my friends were getting married n settling down. i fell for the wrong guy who just wanted to get married for the sake of securing his indefinite leave to remain in the UK n not only that he was very abusive, a cheat, liar n a thief. so get out before its too late. i hope he would also understand when you talk to him.

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  47. ladunliadi@gmail.com

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  48. The only advice i have for you is "Love who you Married, Dont Marry who you Love"... Learn to Love him just becos of your innocent kid and God. In a case like yours, its not his fault. doing all this will not make sense becos u will hurt him. he is not the person hurting u now but your mum who forced you to marry. #Fear God ooo

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  49. Sweetheart,pls,2months is too early to give up.u didnt say if the guy loves u or if he treats u right or not,if he does, pls hang on and try to make it work,several years of companionship and him treating u right will calm things down.i dissed a man i didnt love but who loved me to marry someone i really love n the feeling is mutual,10 yrs down d line i wish i could turn back the hand of time. Love alone is not enough reason to be in a marriage pls. If this guy loves u but the problem is with u, PLEASE WORK IT OUT. If u leave a man who loves you cos u dont love them back,few years down d line you would be weeping wishing u didnt. All d best dear.

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  50. OMG....this story sounds exactly like mine...ryt now as I'm typing this..I'm at home in my parents house waitin 4 my husband to sign the divorce paper.my own husband showd me so much love b4 marriage evn tho I didn't love him back,but my family thot he was the best for me cos he was on my case for 5years n said I shuld give it a try,preachin to me n all that.I finally agreed to marry him,then overnight this guy changed.he wasn't caterin 4 me as he is supposed to...he doesn't care about my progress watsoever,anythin I wantd to do..he showed no care...my skool got ruined,he promised to take me abroad..lies,promised to gv me capital for business...liess for one year I was sittin at home doin nothin until overthinkin n worryin caused me high blood pressure...that was when I knew I had to end this marriage...God knws I tried,I understand hw she's prgnant..I hate my husband but had sex with him a few times in one year n I took pills to prevent me frm gettin pregnant...I married him wen I don't love him n he has money but can't provide 4 me?wat am I gainin in d marriage biko?n other guys r always on my case wen I go out,tryin to toast me n all...had an affair with one..but wen I remembrd how angry God will be with me if I committed adultery...I decided to leave.my parents r askin if I wuld go back if he provides evrything 4 me...my answer to them was "even if he gives me a billion naira today,there's still no love"At the end of the day its all about ur happiness..love is very complicated.lol lemme stop here biko...I got so emotional I culd type for days abt ds issue.I feel ur pain dear...pray n let God guide u..follow ur heart!!!

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    1. So u married him 4 d moni n wen it didn't com u decided to leave abi? Good 4 u. Divorced or not if u sleep wit another man u r commiting adultry. And FYI those guys on ur case were there cos u were married none will come now ur divorced.

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    2. I didn't exactly marry him cos of money pls read well...I said pple thot he loveed me so much n will obviously take care of me n I will love him eventually...instd he changed wen we married.if there's no love n no money...wat do I hv na?if he was broke n I loved him trust me I will stay...I wanted to atlst manage one but he proved not worthy...fornication is difrnt frm adultery biko

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  51. Ladun where is my post?! Abeg u need to stop this rubbish cos i noticed u dont post my comments sometimes, which is why i dont bother coming here as often (among other fuckeries). When i posted here the comments were 38 and now its 39. I suspected u'll pull an ish like this which is y i came back to check.

    Thats y this place is dry like a dessert and ur avg comments are 10-15 or less. Foolish, razz-ass unserious goat.

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  52. Pla be patient, don't do what you will regret for the rest of your life. Marriage is a serious institution, you can't get out ones you are in, God doesn't accept divorce.
    Pls try to love him, don't have sex with him until you can love him. Your unborn child needs a father. Pray to God to lessen your burden.

    Plesaes don't leave. Pls try harder. You can find something to love about him.

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  53. I see comments here saying single girls should take note and learn? I am amazed. The same blog where i constantly read comments directed at actresses, singers etc commenting on their age and saying they need to marry. Hypocrites! You are part of the society that leads people into choices like this. Check yourself!

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  54. I hated my fiance when he started asking me out, I hated him with all my heart. His every move got me really angry. He still didn't give up, he was always coming after me. I told him he would hate me too if we dated, he said he wouldn't mind that we should try it first. So we tried and now I love him as if there's no tomorrow.
    I think if you really put your mind to it, you can like him back. Look past the negatives. I think you going to the UK for xmas is a good idea, U might miss him and when U start missing someone, feelings start to surface.
    Pray about it as well. God hates divorce, He will give U peace in your marriage.

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  55. @john you are in your late 40s so what are you doing a blogs you should be putting your life and family together not coming and asking someone's wife to contact you.plssssss mr John get yourself a life and leave blogs for the younger once ok! Don't let time pass you by you need to pass thru time honey

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  56. Why not try Prayers, see whether you can have a spiritual mentor (like a Pastor ur spirit accepts-could be a man or a woman, but be sure he's married-they understand better) things may just come around for you my dear. Also see if you can give urself a time frame to get out of this situation(say b4 d birth of ur "bundle of Joy") while u pray and meditate on the Word;the word works!
    See this from the positive side,challenges such as this might just be God wanting us to get closer to Him. Rmbr that God does not give us situations that we cannot handle. Chose to ignore his -ve sides and acknowledge his good sides(he sure must have a few good attributes at least) What u give comes bk to u. Rmbr u re pregnant, so u need all the strength you can get. Always pray for him.
    Watch the movie: FIREPROOF

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  57. First of all dear....it is a mans duty to love the wife and it is a womans duty to respect and submit to the husband. Men cherish respect and submission more than love. If your husband hasn't done anything wrong to you,you better sit your ass down in that marriage. You may decide to leave but remember you may meet smone you really love and yet he cheats and beats you up. The grass is always greener at the other side but mehn its not like that at all. If you want to leave ,run and leave oo. Advice to ladies: Marry a man who loves you and a Man you respect...simple. I'm outta here.

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  58. hi there, i'm married for close to 2yrs now and was in such a mess but i thank God for His mercy, He delivered me. so permit me to bring to your notice that we - ladies are responsible for whatever happenes in our marriage. pls my sister i beg you to meditate on these Bible messages - 1 Corinthians 11 vs 3, Ephesians 5 vs 22-23, 1 Peter 3 vs 1-2, & Colossians 3 vs 18.
    pls i pray you in d Name of God, no matter what we ladies think or what Satan and our society deceive us with, our responsibility is to ADAPT to our own husbands NO MATTER WHAT/WHO he is, and to bring and raise Godly children at home. Career life for us - women is d deceit/lie of d Devil,dont think i'm not working, i'm a grdaute of Computer Science and have been working for more than TEN yrs (i'll resign if my hubby says so) and i'm typing this from my office desk at Lagos, Nig; but i'm telling u d truth.
    also, u shuld not say that ur hubby's touch irritates you since u guys are married, u MUST allow him sex due to him wit love (1 Corinthians 7 vs 2-5). pls divorce is ONLY allowed in d Bible in cases of ADULTERY (Matthew 5 vs 32) . pls marriage is an HONOURABLE COVENANT, let us - ladies make ours to work - when we subject to our own husbands DESPITE issues at hand, we honour and odey Christ, our God, pld disregard any advice form d pit of hell NO MATTER whom d person is OR CLAIM TO BE - pastor, 'born again' or whatever.
    God bless. ..........Mrs. Sam

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  59. hi there, i'm married for close to 2yrs now and was in such a mess but i thank God for His mercy, He delivered me. so permit me to bring to your notice that we - ladies are responsible for whatever happenes in our marriage. pls my sister i beg you to meditate on these Bible messages - 1 Corinthians 11 vs 3, Ephesians 5 vs 22-23, 1 Peter 3 vs 1-2, & Colossians 3 vs 18.
    pls i pray you in d Name of God, no matter what we ladies think or what Satan and our society deceive us with, our responsibility is to ADAPT to our own husbands NO MATTER WHAT/WHO he is, and to bring and raise Godly children at home. Career life for us - women is d deceit/lie of d Devil,dont think i'm not working, i'm a grdaute of Computer Science and have been working for more than TEN yrs (i'll resign if my hubby says so) and i'm typing this from my office desk at Lagos, Nig; but i'm telling u d truth.
    also, u shuld not say that ur hubby's touch irritates you since u guys are married, u MUST allow him sex due to him wit love (1 Corinthians 7 vs 2-5). pls divorce is ONLY allowed in d Bible in cases of ADULTERY (Matthew 5 vs 32) . pls marriage is an HONOURABLE COVENANT, let us - ladies make ours to work - when we subject to our own husbands DESPITE issues at hand, we honour and odey Christ, our God, pld disregard any advice form d pit of hell NO MATTER whom d person is OR CLAIM TO BE - pastor, 'born again' or whatever.
    God bless. ..........Mrs. Sam

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  60. My dear the man is also suffering bcos you dont love him... no one should embark on a life time journey like marriage without love. because love is what you need to endure hard times in marriage. Just pray to God for guidance... He will guide you but be patient!

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  61. My dear the man is also suffering because U dont love him. No one should embark on a life long journey such as marriage without Love it is what you need to stand the hard times when it comes. Just pray for God's guidance. and be Patient!

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  62. I really feel for you but i think two months is too short to make such hasty decision. Every relationship has its own ups and downs irrespective of the people invoved. The only thing that's difference is the way those challenges are being managed. Running away might not be a good option because its like running from your shadow, and there lies some questions to be answered in the future.Why dont you calm down and excercise patience and by so doing both of you would be able to communicate your likes and dislikes to each other. To every problem there is a solution except in a situation when you dont agree that there is a problem. Make your mind to make it work especially when the man does not cheat. May the lord grant unto you the grace to make it work. It's well

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  63. my dear lady, nobody gets everything, a little of this and that is always better. You can't have it all. You are not loving your husband because you still love someone else (probably you ex) and you're comparing everything about him with your hubby. Its high time you stop fantasising and concentrate on your wedding, see the good in your husband and ignore the bad.Build on the good and you'll see what you have never see in him. Drop your ''i'm superior to him or he's a bush man or he looks local '' attitude and see him as your demi God. Try that you'll see how it works like a magic. Remember no body matters again in your marriage except you and him, be proud of him no matter how local or inferior you think he is. If you try this over a period of time (if he is not rigid and wicked) you'll be good to go, and remember no weapon is as strong as prayer, pray pray and pray.

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  64. Hmm,I can't believe women who are married and in there homes despite all odds still come here to advice someone to leave her hubby,its a big shame

    Single girls who are praying and asking God to send their hubbys to them are also advicing her to leave her home. I'm going to tell u the story of my cousin:

    She had the same problem like u,everyone was asking her to get married,she had a bf but who wasn't ready to settle down,there was a guy who wanted to marry her but bcos she didn't love him,she refused,her parents love this guy and they kept on disturbing her. After a while,knowing she didn't love him,but just to get everyone off her back,she married him.. They got married. Problems started. she ran out of the house several times but my mom and some other people advised her to go back.. There was no single love in the house,whenever I go to visit,its always one fight,quarrel or the other. She then took in and wanted to abort it but she was told if she tried,she would loose her life so out of fear she couldn't.. She kept complaining of how everything he does irritates,from the way he talks down to love making.. Then one day,my mom and I went to her house and spend a week with her cos she was in her first trimester and it was really distubing her

    While we were there,my mom sat her down and had a srz talk with her.. My mom told her it was bound to be like that since they didn't know each other,from no where,they got married. She doesn't know anything about him likewise him so it was gonna be difficult for her bcos she has to get to know him,then fall in love with him before she would be happy and she can't do it if she doesn't have an open mind.. She has to open her heart and mind to do it.. Then the journey started for her,she started getting to know him,they started out as been friends again,got to know each other,started dating and she began to fall for this guy so much.. They talked abt there likes and dislikes so every one knew wat nt to do and all..

    2day,she's been married for 8yrs,she's more than happy and inluv with her man.. Every year,she makes sure my mom comes for her anniversary saying if my mom hadn't talk to her,she would have left.. If she had listened to her friends and some relations advice,she would have left but 2day,she's a mother of 3 and the man has been great... Everything she ever desired,she now has

    My conclusion is this:

    Don't leave ur man bcos he irritates u,don't leave because people are asking u to leave.. Sit ur ass back down and pray,call on God for understanding.. U and ur hubby should sit down and talk.. Have a long talk.. Get to know urself,it would take time but u will fall for him.. Your kind of marriage last if well noutured.. Trust me,u will love him if u open ur heart.. And besides,u don't want to be a single mom,my mom is a single mom,she works in a reputable oil and gas firm,earns a lot but she keeps telling me,been a single mom sucks and wouldn't wish it for anyone,that's why she tried so much to see my cousin stay in her marriage.. My mom keeps saying if only she had seen someone who advised her,she wouldn't have left her marriage,but at that time,everyone was in support of her leaving and she felt it was the best thing but as God would want it,non of them re married and 2day,they are dating again after 15yrs of been apart and they are now planning to remarry this dec,and as for ur child,the baby too would have his/her own trauma,its not easy for kids from broken home

    I hope u read this,I know its long but it might just help. I wish u well

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    Replies
    1. Pakistani Beauty21 November, 2012 18:40

      This is definitely a testimony! Thank u so much for sharing @Kendra

      Delete
  65. Below is a story I would like you to read.

    I grew up in a small town in a fairly typical American family. We weren’t what you’d call religious, but when I begged my parents to take me to church, they faithfully dropped me off each Sunday. I tried to refrain from doing the bad things and pursued good. However, looking back, I was just religiously house-trained.

    But when I was a teen, my little world changed one day when Dad’s picture appeared on the front page of the local newspaper. He’d been asked to resign from his very public job. The article hid his alcoholism, but the public humiliation escalated his addiction, and he began drinking all day. We finally moved out of town and fell into financial ruin. Dad couldn’t keep a job, so Mom had to go to work for the first time in her life, and my brother and I got part-time jobs after school.

    Then, my dad finally gave up on life the day of my high school graduation. Mom was awakened early in the morning by a call. My dad said he was going to commit suicide because he couldn’t stop drinking, and if he died, we'd get the life insurance money. I went to my graduation alone and cried through the whole thing. Over the next days, and then weeks, we waited to hear of Dad's fate. Mom was a wreck, and I turned to my high school sweetheart for solace. One night in a vulnerable moment, we fell into each other’s arms and “you know the rest of the story.”

    A few weeks later, Dad showed up. He’d been on a drunken binge. We were relieved he was okay, but the plans I once had for my life were about to end. A month later, at 17 years old, I learned I was pregnant.

    My homegrown theology assured me that I was damaged goods. I blamed my dad and questioned God: “Why did You let this happen to me? I’ve tried to be a good girl. If Dad hadn’t left us, I wouldn’t have made this mistake. Now I’m the one who’s being punished! I have to give up all my dreams of college and a rosy future.”

    I reluctantly married my boyfriend. After the grim ceremony and dinner with our disgraced parents, we drove to our tiny apartment near the university, furnished with plenty of cockroaches. My new husband went to college on a full scholarship while I went to work as a secretary. Within a few months, our baby arrived, and we were instantly in love! But the constant financial strain left little room for anything but survival.

    We lived under a gigantic cloud of stress and our lost dreams, but we pressed on for the magic ticket that promised us the American Dream: a college degree. When graduation day came, however, my husband took that ticket and headed out of town. The note he left told me he had to get away and find himself. I felt betrayed and abandoned once again—and figured God was punishing me. Two days later, that feeling deepened when I found out I was expecting another baby. I had to move home with my parents, and I hated my life.

    But then, right before our beautiful daughter was born, my husband came home a humble, broken man, weighed down with guilt and shame. He wanted to reconcile and make our marriage work. I reluctantly took him back, but it would be another two years before God changed me. It all began when my friend Harriet stopped by. After a brief visit, she took a gospel tract from her purse and began reading it to me: “Did you know that God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life?”

    I started to weep. When she reached the end of the tract, I prayed and received Christ as my Savior. My life moved from darkness into the light. Three months later, my husband received Christ, and God began to resurrect our dead marriage and transform our lives. This year, we celebrated 50 years of marriage.

    —Judy Hampton (Brea, CA)

    There are no clear similarities with your story but I think you can pull strength from the story and apply it to your own marriage. Marriage takes work! and a whole lot of it. Pray for Wisdom , which can only be acquired from God.

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  66. U did'nt say anything about physical abuse, so I will assume that he does not hit u. If u have been married for just 2months, then u have not even tried to make ur marriage work. Do u guys communicate? Have u tried telling him those things that irritates u? I have seen pple with same complaints as urs who went ahead to work on their marriage and now are so happy together. Commit ur marriage to God's hands and ask Him to heal ur marriage. I have seen marriages with all the right sparks pack up. Ur marriage may seem dry, but u can start from being friends. Learn to communicate with him n tell him those things that irritates u. U can make him a better person. The next guy might just be worse, so think very well b4 u make ur decision.

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  67. All these spiro comments shaa, issoria. I am single so my advice may not be the best for you my dear, however i dont think i will ever stay in a place where i feel suicidal especially if i have tried my whole best to make it work and it isn't working. My parents and uncles almost forced me into marrying one guy that i really didn't like, couldn't stand his touch, i also knew i will be sad if had married him.

    The truth is, make ur decision and stand by it. i could say u should give it some months and pray, if it doesn't get better, u know what to do. But if he beats u, biko run for ur life today today.
    REMEMBER THAT UR PARENTS DEY LIVE THEIR LIVES O, THEY ARE NOT SUFFERING WITH U, so dont think of what any1 will say, u gotta be selfish and think abt U. all the best.

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  68. Billionaire my dear, your ex doesn't love you, if he did he would have married u instead of his present wife. You guys are enjoying your romance is there is something sweet about stealing sex. It makes me sick when I hear women say I don't love my husband that's why I cheat, it's disgusting and insulting. After all you had a choice, you can't marry a man because you want to feel big and answer madam since the one you truly would have loved to marry bailed out ou turn to the next available man and marry.
    It's a different ball game if you fell out of love with him over the course of time because of personal reasons i.e he cheated etc but not barely 1 yr .
    Right now I have a man who wants to marry me but he isn't d kind of man for me physically n I posited said no to him my reason is because I not want to wake up next to him and scream out of fright or cringe when he touches me n I have told my family .
    Society will not make me marry who I don't like because society will not follow me into my matrimonial bedroom, the society will not stay with me late at night.

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  69. I really feel for you but i think two months is too short to make such hasty decision. Every relationship has its own ups and downs irrespective of the people invoved. The only thing that's difference is the way those challenges are being managed. Running away might not be a good option because its like running from your shadow, and there lies some questions to be answered in the future.Why dont you calm down and excercise patience and by so doing both of you would be able to communicate your likes and dislikes to each other. To every problem there is a solution except in a situation when you dont agree that there is a problem. Make your mind to make it work especially when the man does not cheat. May the lord grant unto you the grace to make it work. It's well

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  70. I really feel for you but i think two months is too short to make such hasty decision. Every relationship has its own ups and downs irrespective of the people invoved. The only thing that's difference is the way those challenges are being managed. Running away might not be a good option because its like running from your shadow, and there lies some questions to be answered in the future.Why dont you calm down and excercise patience and by so doing both of you would be able to communicate your likes and dislikes to each other. To every problem there is a solution except in a situation when you dont agree that there is a problem. Make your mind to make it work especially when the man does not cheat. May the lord grant unto you the grace to make it work. It's well

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  71. I really feel for you but i think two months is too short to make such hasty decision. Every relationship has its own ups and downs irrespective of the people invoved. The only thing that's difference is the way those challenges are being managed. Running away might not be a good option because its like running from your shadow, and there lies some questions to be answered in the future.Why dont you calm down and excercise patience and by so doing both of you would be able to communicate your likes and dislikes to each other. To every problem there is a solution except in a situation when you dont agree that there is a problem. Make your mind to make it work especially when the man does not cheat. May the lord grant unto you the grace to make it work. It's well

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  72. Nice one Kendra

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  73. I was going to say go and divorce him because I believe children shouldn't be the only reason to stay married
    If you and your husband are always fighting what kind of life will you provide to your children? They are going to need more than food and clothes
    BUT Kendra has a point
    You are angry right now and you're the only responsible for your situation
    Since you got married without thinking at least give it a try
    Being single is very tough have you forgotten already? Instead of complaining abut a dull sex life well talk and teach him what you like
    Stop whining and work on that marriage before giving up
    Good luck I wish you a safe delivery

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  74. God bless you Kendra

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  75. anon 23:37 and all u other myopic minded Nigerians. She CAN unmarry.She WILL NOT end up lonely! She WILL be happier!

    I have a huge abhorrence for close-minded, ignorance folks like u! Its ur kind that will remain in a miserable marriage just to answer a "mrs". Even if u're crying urself to sleep! Others are in happy marriages or happily single enjoying this very short life we have, and u'd rather "suffer and smile" just to save face?! I will never wish that ish on my worst enemy cos i've seen people who listened to ignorant folks like u and ended up disfigured, emotionally shattered, miserable, dead, or came to their senses (after a loooong time of listening to nonsense) and left and have never been happier!

    Also, has it occured to u that marriage is not the air we breathe? Life is much bigger than that.Only get married to someone u absolutely love and see ur self tolerating...not someone u will manage just to save face. I really dont understand how some of u think. I thought naija ppl were beginning to get more enlightened.

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  76. anon 7:39 *round of applause* Gbam!

    So many hypocrites and wishy washy people! This is why im telling this poor girl to FOLLOW HER HEART AND LEAVE NOW!!!! All these ones advising her to "never marry who u love, but love who u marry" (WTF?!), and that she should pray and not give up will be the very ones lined up to taunt babes in their late 20s and 30s about still being single. They alllll contribute to this f*cking sickness and it pisses me off cos i've seen so many pple destroyed for this same ish.

    These same wishy-washy pple will do exactly what their hearts please when its their own turn and not give a damn what anyone thinks...but when it comes to others they wanna be all sanctimonious and preachy and ish!

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  77. anon 9:58....seek a pastor's counsel enh? Who can the Holy Spirit speak to much more about urself, if not u?

    Pastors are just as human and still have problems like us all! Alot of these american/foreign pastors u lots oogle over are divorced themselves and some are on their 2nd/3rd marriages. Its less rampant in naija cos ppl will rather suffer and smile/its more stigmatized. But even Okotie who was notorious for telling people who to marry and whom not to, isnt he twice divorced? A family friend of mine was getting beat up by her hubby and everyone kept telling her to endure and her pastor told her to behave better and pray harder....years later, this same pastor got divorced from his own wife!

    Any small thing, Nigerians will run to pastor to pray as if Jesus only died for pastors.

    Abeg, everyone has their own wahala, and its about time y'all stop placing human beings on pedal stools as if they r the answers to ur solutions.

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  78. anon 13:53...i agree! Ur action will not raise ur mother's BP any further than her diet or heart conditions etc. Nigerians are quick to associate stress with high BP but it isnt even the core reason for it.

    My mom tried to blackmail me too. She is veryyyyy extreme with her tribalism and swore up and down that i must marry and igbo man. I dated all igbo/delta igbo men all my life and finally found someone that i connected with in such a surreal way and she fought tooth and nail and even accused me of resuscitating her illness.lol...and even threatened to remove me from her life insurance and will. I gave her the sidest eye and was like woman, u aint serious at all! My man is white american.lol. I bet she'd wish right now for even a yoruba man sef hehehe. Tehy will be ok abeg...this will not kill her, dont buy too much into corny ass nollywood movies.lol

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  79. People are still saying that there are ups and downs in every relationship. R u people daft? There is no relationship here whatsoever!

    In some middle eastern parts, girls are forced to marry their rapists...many of u here sound like u will encourage her to stay and pray and work it out if a girl in that position were to come and cry to u about how miserable she is in the marriage! And please don't tell me that this is a different matter o! smh @ the goat that said people should not marry who they love, but love who they marry.

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  80. I absolutely understand what you are going through cz i wlda bn in that kinda situation now...... as i write this, my dad hasnt bin talking to me, he dznt wanna see me, has asked me to leave his house severally cz i have refused to marry a particular man he and everyone in the whole family wants me to marry...... Why should our family be putting us thru this? wld they live in the house with you? NO....... absconding isnt a good thing yh buh trust me its better than going insane cz i know how bad this is. i know how irritated you feel when he touches you...Still you shlda thot well before you atleast allowed it na choi! Jes take it easy and pls be more prayerful now.. God help us all esp the IGBOS...

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  81. The rate at which marriages collapse now is assuming a social symbol status in our society. In no- time, people will be throwing divorce parties and invite friends and well-wishers to celebrate their divorce anniversaries; they will choose aso-ebi, hire a hall and popular musicians & what have you. Even a question like "So when are u getting divorced?" will become commonplace. If u know u can't handle the weight & pressures of marriage, please remain single. If u don't know what marriage is all about, please remain single until u do. If u are getting married because of the things u desire or hope to gain from the other person please remain single. If u know u can't be faithful, remain single. If u can't endure insults from one another, pls remain single. If u can't forgive one another's wrongs, pls remain single. If u can't place ur spouse above every other human being, pls remain single! Don't get married out of desperation."Al l my friends are getting married" is d most foolish reason to get married! If u desire a successful home, but ur choice of friends are forces not to reckon with,think again. Be very mindful of where you go for advices, Many would give, but not many mean well! Guys, if u know u can't put ur wife ahead ur ego, pls remain single till u're mature. Ur woman is your priority and EVERYTHING else including u comes last. You are the teacher, the guide, the bodyguard,the role model - u are not a deity or God. So do not expect to be worshipped. You need respect, earn it by being responsible! Ladies, if u know you can't be submissive please don't go into marriage so you're not turned to a punch bag! If u know u can't stand being corrected, please remain single. Mr/Mrs I know it all!!! Ladies check ur domestic scorecard - if u r score is zero, pls remain single.... (y)

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  82. The rate at which marriages collapse now is assuming a social symbol status in our society. In no- time, people will be throwing divorce parties and invite friends and well-wishers to celebrate their divorce anniversaries; they will choose aso-ebi, hire a hall and popular musicians & what have you. Even a question like "So when are u getting divorced?" will become commonplace. If u know u can't handle the weight & pressures of marriage, please remain single. If u don't know what marriage is all about, please remain single until u do. If u are getting married because of the things u desire or hope to gain from the other person please remain single. If u know u can't be faithful, remain single. If u can't endure insults from one another, pls remain single. If u can't forgive one another's wrongs, pls remain single. If u can't place ur spouse above every other human being, pls remain single! Don't get married out of desperation."Al l my friends are getting married" is d most foolish reason to get married! If u desire a successful home, but ur choice of friends are forces not to reckon with,think again. Be very mindful of where you go for advices, Many would give, but not many mean well! Guys, if u know u can't put ur wife ahead ur ego, pls remain single till u're mature. Ur woman is your priority and EVERYTHING else including u comes last. You are the teacher, the guide, the bodyguard,the role model - u are not a deity or God. So do not expect to be worshipped. You need respect, earn it by being responsible! Ladies, if u know you can't be submissive please don't go into marriage so you're not turned to a punch bag! If u know u can't stand being corrected, please remain single. Mr/Mrs I know it all!!! Ladies check ur domestic scorecard - if u r score is zero, pls remain single.... (y)

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  83. @fumzyO
    Thank you for sharing this story and may God bless you.
    And it touched me in some way.
    Maybe oneday I can share some story......
    Thank you.
    Smile#

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  84. @ ME....How exactly is single life tough?

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  85. I'm facing social pressure too in some families it can be tough
    I can understand what she went through though I'll never do it

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  86. To all those that cursed me, u're all worse than me.

    Sipping bubbly on my hatch...

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    ReplyDelete
  88. A loveless marriage is like being in a cage!

    Many married women overcome the challenges in their marriage because of the love they have for their husband because love covers a multitude of sins.

    A woman irritated with her husband's touch speaks a lot, because sex is the most beautiful experience in a marriage especially with someone you love.

    If they continue to patch the marriage and it leads to verbal or physical abuse it is still we same Nigerians that will ask why did she stay?

    She is crying out for help now and only to be advised by some people to stay put in a loveless marriage? Even the book of Deuteronomy 24:1-4 talks about Divorce; 'IF A MAN MARRIES A WOMAN AND LATER DECIDES HE DOESN'T WANT HER, BECAUSE HE FINDS SOMETHING ABOUT HER HE DOESN'T LIKE, SO HE ALSO WRITE OUT A DIVORCE PAPERS, GIVES HER AND SENDS HER AWAY...........{Good news bible}

    I repeat myself again, DIVORCE HIM! Set him and yourself free.It is so painful when love is not reciprocated, and he will be hurting. Let him go, so that he will find another woman who will love him back.

    Take care of yourself and wish you safe delivery.

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  89. My dear I am presently in this situation and after 10 years i can tell you its not been easy.
    First and foremost i share your disgust my husband also irritates me, smells and disgusts me like 70% of the time he has bad breath and body odour. I didnt love him when we got married i needed to settle down and wanted a man that was well of and had money.
    But afetr listening to the stories of friends that married cause of love and the treatment they get from their hubby i decided to ride out my marriage.
    To ease my suffering i make my hubby clean his teeth and take a good shower b4 gettin close to him so it make life bearable for me. I tell myself that since he is available i might as well make use of his presence and chat with him and atime laugh. I have a good network of friends so i dont have to talk with him all day.
    So the long and short of it is marriage to the one you love or not Aint easy. Whatever situation you find yourself in make do with it and pra that God gives you love for you husband, I'm still building love for my husband and its been 10 years and I cant even start to tell you the hell we have been to together. The one thing i hold on to is the positives in his behaviour. My husband is not my kind of man...but i am gradually starting to open up to experiencing love with him. The lord will help you my dear, take heart.

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