Is She About to Leave Me Again?


Dear Ladun,

I’m a 30 year old man. I have been in a relationship with a lady who happens to
be my childhood friend for almost seven years now. It has been a long distance
relationship because she relocated to UK  about 14 years ago. We started the relationship
when she came home for a holiday.

When we just started, just like every other relationship, it was sweet and we
were both in love. A year into the relationship, she complained about the
distance and suggested we break up and that was after several unreturned calls
and emails. I was just a 200L undergraduate then, it wasn’t easy, I dealt with
it and moved on. After the breakup, she still calls asking to be a friend and
stylishly asking what was going on with me and I will gladly tell her because I
still love her. After our break up I tried several relationships hoping they
will help me forget her, but no, the feeling won’t just go.

Two years after our break up, she got pregnant to a guy whom she later found
out only wanted to use her get his papers. They lived together for few weeks. After
she got pregnant, she sent the guy parking. She couldn’t confide in her family
because according to her, they pushed her into the marriage, so I was the only
person she could turn to. I gave her my time and listened to her because I felt
for her. There are times she’ll tell me she’s going to put the baby up for
adoption after she’d put to bed, which I advised her against. The baby calls me
daddy now because that’s what his mama told him.

Two years ago, we got serious again and she apologised, I agreed to take her
back because, I thought of the times and things we’d shared even when we
weren’t dating anymore, and I convinced myself that I still love her. I asked
her why she broke up with me in the first place. She said, she thought I used
something on her, because what she felt back then was too strong for someone
who was not physically present. So I asked,” don’t you think that the same
charm could still be the one working on you right now?” She said she
doesn’t care as long as I love her. She has met my mum, her mum knows me now
and everything seems cool.   

Here is my worry, after all these dramas; this lady still feels she is doing me
a favour by being with me. She’ll sometimes ask me, why do I still love her after
all she’s done to me? She’ll sometimes ask some silly questions such that not
marrying her will be the only option I have to prove myself that I don’t really
need anything from her except her love. We’d agreed to get married this year,
and our deal is she’ll move back home if she can secure a good job back home
before our marriage and if she couldn’t I’ll join her.

But the latest she’s pulling right now is that she’s trying
to get another job outside where she has the right to stay legally which will
affect my joining her if that is the option we are left with. I asked her if
she doesn’t think her plan will affect us, she bluntly replied, she doesn’t
care because she’s tired of her current job.

Unlike me, she is always in my plans, I won’t do anything that will affect us,
right now I’m so mad at myself as to why I’ve been foolishly blind. On the
surface, everything seems alright, but I know it’s only a matter of time before
she get the job she wants which will in turn be the end of us the second time.

I don’t want to wait for her to tell me goodbye the second time and at the same
time, I’m scared of saying goodbye first for the fear of making a mistake of
not getting my facts right. I’m so confused right now…pls what can I do?


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