Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Dear President Obama, Goodluck Jonathan Must Be Invited To Washington- Pius Adesanmi

                                                               Pius Adesanmi  
Dear President Barack Obama,

Greetings. On behalf of the good citizens of the District of Columbia, who, in their infinite wisdom, entrusted me with the Office of the Mayor, I am writing to draw your attention to an issue of urgent municipal importance. Although my aides here in the Mayor’s Office are yet to crosscheck things with Mr. Jay Carney, your Press Secretary, after he issued a curious statement today, I have decided to be proactive by reacting to that extremely disturbing statement.

Mr. President, it would seem that you have convened a prestigious summit between your esteemed self and four Heads of State from the continent of Africa. They have been invited to parley with you in the White House in order to explore avenues of strengthening democracy in Africa. According to the statement released by Mr. Carney, “President Obama looks forward to welcoming President Ernest Bai Koroma of Sierra Leone, President Macky Sall of Senegal, President Joyce Banda of Malawi, and Prime Minister José Maria Pereira Neves of Cape Verde to the White House on Thursday, March 28.” The statement concludes that, “the visit of these four leaders underscores the strategic importance the President places on building partnerships and substantive engagement with sub-Saharan Africa, and our commitment to working with strong and emerging African democracies.”


Mr. President, this is obviously an unmistakable snub of the Nigerian President, Dr Goodluck Jonathan, who leads a country that prides herself as the giant of Africa. While we understand the fact that your administration needs to send a clear message of zero tolerance for corruption to the Nigerian President, who has acquired a reputation for running Africa’s most corruption-friendly government, we at the Washington City Hall would like to register our disagreement with your decision to exclude the Nigerians from next week’s parley in the strongest possible terms.

Mr. President, we believe that you have not been properly served by your advisers in this matter. We believe that the economic implications of excluding the Nigerians from this parley should have been painstakingly explained to you to help you reach an informed judgment. We believe that the economic wellbeing of a major American city should be more important to your administration than helping the people of one far-flung country in Africa deal with their corruption enabler of a president. At a time when most American city administrations are groaning under budget cuts, at a time when the ability of American cities to deliver basic services to residents is being streamlined to reflect the dire economic circumstances of the times, any opportunity for a massive injection of funds into any American city’s economy ought to be seized with both hands. Your administration is about to deny Washington DC one such fantastic opportunity through the hasty and wrong-headed exclusion of the Nigerian president from the forthcoming parley.

Mr. President, we believe that you are aware of the fact that the President of Nigeria does not travel light to foreign destinations. During meetings of the US Conference of Mayors, my brother Mayor Bloomberg of New York never fails to regale us with stories of the economic boom that New York City receives whenever the Nigerian president comes to town for UN functions. He and his wife are said to travel with a harem of presidential jets – some travel as advance delegations. The plane loads of raw cash and aides create an economic ripple effect. They stay in the best hotels, charter limousines, and spend days in shopping malls since they hardly ever attend the functions they came for.

Mr. President, you are perhaps aware of the fact that the 127th Assembly of the Inter-Parliamentary Union was hosted by our sister city, Québec City, Canada, from October 21-26, 2012. The word on the street is that the South Africans who arrived in Québec City thinking they had a huge delegation were humbled by the benumbing size of the Nigerian delegation. Almost five months after the event, I can tell you authoritatively, Mr. President, that Québec City, Canada, is still reaping the benefits of the economic boom created by the one-week presence of Nigerian parliamentarians in that city. Need one mention what the city of Dubai in the Middle East benefits from weekly injection of funds by Nigerian officials?

Mr. President, we urge you to seriously reconsider your decision to snub Dr. Goodluck Jonathan. It would be a great idea of you could even invite him ahead of the others so that he and his potentially large delegation could get to spend an extra week here in Washington. If he comes here with two or three jumbo jets, as is his wont, this translates to enormous parking fees for Washington Dulles Airport. He, his wife, and their aides are going to take over major hotels in the city and that would be a tremendous boost for our hospitality services. Our limo rental services are going to benefit immensely from the presence of a Nigerian delegation.

In addition, while Dr and Mrs. Jonathan spend time with you at the White House, two or three planeloads of aides are going to spend all that time in our shopping malls. Furthermore, virtually every member of the large delegation would take the opportunity to do a quick medical checkup. Since they have no medical insurance here, they would naturally be paying cash. Imagine, Mr. President, the possible cash inflow to our medical system in these austere times. We understand that Nigerian officials are fond of German hospitals. This could be an opportunity to showcase the superiority of American medical services to these petro-wealthy Africans.

Mr. President, I could go on and on with details of the economic benefits of having the Nigerians here. Please allow me to say, Mr. President, that for the sake of the economy of Washington, DC, the Nigerian president deserves to be pardoned for pardoning corruption. He is of more economic value to us here than the four African presidents you are hosting combined. I therefore look forward to being able to host him and his lovely wife here at City Hall after their White House event.

Yours sincerely,

John-Smith Budweiser

Mayor of the District of Columbia



66 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. I see that many people fail to see the satire in this write up. some will end up abusing the writer while others will exhibit their `sophisticated ignorance` by taking him serious. Food for thot for all Nigerians as we continue to endure this 'God sent' punishment called Jonathan.

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    2. Meaning u are a moron n dickhead bastard!its only naked pics that u unstnd bt u can't read!ode!must u always talk.dis fool did a LOL on d victims of kano bomb blast survival story,wat a waste of sperm n ovary!

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    3. U don't know what it meansd cos u have nothing in ur brain!! U should spend more time studying so u don't come across as DUMB all the time.

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    4. Don't you get ....he is being sarcastic...nice one

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  2. Jonathan and his govt is now an object of ridicule i laff in french

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    1. As in! Serious ridicule the world over. God I'm so embarrassed, foolish government messing up this country all over the place,can you imagine the mayor begging Obama to invite this stupid man to come and waste more of our resources,God is watching them all

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  3. after reading ths i was too numb, God imagine a mayor saying he wants our corrupt president to come to his district just because of the mny he and hs boys are going to spend. God am ashamed of johnathan.

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  4. wow......imagine how our fund are spent carelessly on rubbish.....GEJ IS A THIEF

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  5. MY BROS THE EVIL GENIUS CALLED JONATHAN AND HIS ALI BABA BAND OF DISCIPLES SHOULD JUST BE LEFT TO FACE THE WRATH OF GOD WHEN THE TIME COMES!COME 2015 IF I AM ALIVE,NO PASTOR SHOULD FORCE ME TO GO VOTE FOR ROGUE/THIEF AS A PRESIDENT!NA WETIN DEM DEY USE TO CHEAT US*TONGUE OUT*

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  6. See desperation. Obama doesn't have to do anything.

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  7. SOME NIGERIAN MEN CAN TALK RUBBISH SHA.

    PERSONALLY I THINK OUR CULTURE HAS AIDED THIS. ALOT OF THESE NIGERIAN MEN ARE STUPID, PROUD, ETC.

    OF COURES THERE ARE EXPECTIONS..AND THIS COMMENT MAY COME ACCROSS HARSH


    BUT I AM JUST DISGUSTED.

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  8. Chai dz naija guy don see us finish. So cos of d economic boost his state wod get dats y his appealin 2 obama 2 reconsider his decision since he nos GEJ n his entourage will squander our moni on dz said conference or meetin...obama did A gud job by not inviting him n i wonda how dz cunt of A scumbag got 2 dat position of being A mayor of colombia! Naija mentality n yankee..God help us

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    Replies
    1. What kind of olodo are you?!

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  9. This is a best example of an oxymoron. Well done writer.

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  10. OMG!! See wash.

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    Replies
    1. Lol,no be small wash.

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    2. The wash mighty gan! The man jus spread us(o te wa) hehe.... It is well with Nigeria! :)

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  11. Umbelievable, CHEI!!!

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  12. Hahahaha!!! This is 2 hilarious, can't stop laffin!!! President Obama pls pardon our presidential thief, Dame P and d delegate of thieves abeg.... Hahahaha

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  13. it is such a shame that Nigeria is governed by BIGOTS who dont have the interest of their citizens at heart. they plunder the wealth of our nation with such impunity. There is so much that can be fixed in terms of infra structure, e.g ELECTRICITY.
    NIGERIANS WE NEED A REVOLUTION. WE NEED TO BE BRAVE

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  14. pius adesanmi has finished jonathan o loool
    funnier cause it is a satirical truth if all others forsake them they shall surely go to china,russia,venezuela

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    Replies
    1. happyhausabunny20 March, 2013 17:57

      A lot of Nigerians are not ready to hear/read the truth, ppl arealy insulting Pius, sigh. They don't even get it, that it's a satire...All that Pius wrote is the truth.

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    2. lol true burying their heads in the sand while GEJ and his people are ramming it up their behind
      most people dont get that its satire

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  15. this is a fake letter.

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  16. Very stupid letter. I hope Obama ignores his arse. So now we should be proud of how our government misappropriate funds by travelling with unnecessary entourage right? I am even ashamed for the people of DC for choosing this nitwit as a major. Rubbish!

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    Replies
    1. Aha he is being sarcastic...

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    2. Anon 15:11, the Ȋ̝̊̅ƨ̣̣̣̇̇̇ an indirect message simply showing the extent of corruption in GEJ administration

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    3. Anon 15:11,that's a satire there.

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    4. Anon 15:11, stop exposing your stupidity na! Ahn-ahn!

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    5. Neenee. You are obviously uncouth. Why can't u be polite in your response? Anony abeg no mind Neenee he/she/it doesn't know the fist thing about manners.

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  17. loool, i luv this....sarcasm at its best!! 47vids.com

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  18. The earlier this mumu takes his head out of Jonathan's ass the better for him. What economic boom is he even talking about, in Quebec lol this guy is just silly. As a Quebec resident I can also authoritatively tell you that there was no ecomonic gain as a result of the said visit. Maybe Obama didnt invite the guy because he knows he can't have an intelligent conversation with him on something like the advancement of democracy in Africa. I honestly don't think we have democracy in Nigeria just pdp hegemony.

    My 2 cents

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    Replies
    1. Where were you when literature classes were going on at your school? Itibolibo!

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    2. i laugh in french at ur reply to his 2 cent.

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  19. Speechless infact. Polite Insult, well put together disgrace

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  20. Kai, just imagine I'm so pained

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  21. No comment.. Can I ask a question? Is Mr president invation about waste of nigeria resources.

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  22. Nice piece of writing

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  23. Many pple here r just illiterate I swear. Dis is a satire, he's begin sarcastic basically. Nyc sense of humour d writter has. But even GEJ no go understand am sef. Its way ova his head!

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    Replies
    1. Gbam,just shake my head for some pple here,it just goes to show.........................

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  24. u dey abuse the 'man that once had to shoes'?

    Oga jonaa,,,,arrest Him.

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  25. This is a stupid write up! Obama's invitation or not means nothing and will not add or subtract anything from us. It is the US that will lose at long run. I see this letter as an act of the opposition party to discredit Mr. President Dr. Ebele Jonathan. The meeting to see Obama is of no economic sense to Nigeria. If Obama wants he can visit Nigeria let us show him the stuff we made of.

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    1. Can you please tell me what school you went to?? Please, I don't want to advice my enemy to go there for any form of education.

      Apparently you can't detect or have no understanding of Satire or know what an Oxymoron is...

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    2. stupid errand boy like you... wht stuff are you made off... ofon

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    3. Biko,the letter is a sarcasm on Goodluck,no tear your vein Abeg ,and really Obama to visit Nigeria to know the stuff we are made of ,lmfao,okay oooo.

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  26. GOD HELP OUR COUNTRY NIGERIA. THIS IS TOO MUCH AN INSULT

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  27. Lol..... "pardoned for pardoning corruption".. May God help us in rebuilding our reputation.

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  28. By the way is this article by Pius Adesanmi or John-Smith Budweiser???

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    Replies
    1. Bless you jare.you are the only one who has asked the question in my mind.

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  29. Lmao! Witty!

    He speaks the truth!

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  30. Good Sarcasm... Nice piece Mr. Adesanmi

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  31. That's not the name of mayor of Washington dc

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  32. God some of you guys need a sense of humour injection.

    I think he is trying to be funny

    Personally I think its hilarious but then again hmmm

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  33. How about GEJ should do 'mogbo mo branch' and shame Obama for not inviting him the chief corrupt spender with no shoes of the Naija nation. He should just tell his looters en core to load plane and decend on Obama Nation and show them owambe status...
    Sincerely Pius, thanks for making my day with this realistic piece.. epo ko ni tan ninu gege ikowe re.. amin

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  34. Okay, is it that most of these people did not study the basics in English language to know what is called figures of speech? This is one of such and its known as satire. Pls, nobody is compelled to contribute. U can read and ask a more intelligent person around you for sth u miss and whr u r missing it! Don't bring ur dumb ass questions or comments here! Nawa o!
    By the way, nice piece Pius

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  35. The most disturbing part of this post is the illiteracy displayed in the comments.

    Nigerians cannot read. It is shameful that pple cannot read/understand/comprehend sarcasm. We need to focus on the illiteracy problem of naija

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    Replies
    1. They can read,they just cant understand the tone/obvious sarcasm behind the write up ni.it's a shame on us tho.

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  36. Oga Pius got more comments here than @Sahara Reporters where he normally writes and NVS. Oga o! His rare articles are published by Pa Ikhide on Word Press.

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