Saturday, May 4, 2013

Stop Trying To Change Yourself For A Relationship That Is Not Meant To Be- Oprah Winfrey

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that’s not meant to be. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can’t “be friends”. A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.


Don’t settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don’t stay because you think “it will get better.” You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you. Avoid men who have a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn’t marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently? Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man’s behavior. Change comes from within. Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are. Even if he has has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are. Never borrow someone else’s man. If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending… Compromise is two way street. You need time to heal between relationships. There is nothing cute about baggage… Deal with your issues before pursuing a new
relationship. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you. A relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals. Look for someone complimentary…not supplementary.

Dating is fun… Even if he doesn’t turn out to be Mr. Right. Make him miss you sometimes… When a man always know where you are, and you’re always readily available to him ~ he takes it for granted. Never move into his mother’s house. Never co-sign for a man. Don’t fully commit to a man who doesn’t give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Scared of being alone is what makes a lot of women stay in relationships that are abusive or hurtful: Dr. Phil says… You should know that: You’re the best thing that could ever happen to anyone and if a man mistreats you, he’ll miss out on a good thing. If he was attracted to you in the 1st place, just know that he’s not the only one. They’re all watching you, so you have a lot of choices. Make the right one. Ladies take care of your own hearts.




46 comments:

  1. Love is beautiful thing. If a lady/ guy wants you... nothing can keep them away... If you have to be soliciting for their attention, take a walk baby!

    Funmi

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @Funmi,very deep and very true...love truly is a beautiful thing;may actually be the most beautiful thing.What a tragedy it'd be to go thru life without ever experiencing what it feels like to love another and have it reciprocated...even if it's just once.

      Delete
    2. Your profile picture is offensive bro! @ Soledayo


      Funmi

      Delete
    3. Why you showing us your bended tool Mr dicktator! Smh

      Delete
    4. The dick is even just thin. go moor. Need thick meat

      Delete
    5. @Funmi,that's relative;to me it's just 1 of my body parts if i'm not touching it or doing anything sexual...to someone else it's a beautiful dick.To anon 23:13 it's thin,she needs thick meat . @anon 20:52 i'm showing u my bended dick in the hope that u'd help me straighten it if u're female :)

      Delete
    6. @Soledayo, all d@ mess can be done in ur privacy. Bt wen ur in public, u've gotta respect ur fellow man and stop all d@ offensive display.

      Delete
    7. @Soledayo, bro, if you think this is not offensive - go to court and show your part like this. Please come and tell me what happened to you


      Funmi

      Delete
  2. Multiple GBAM to this...so when certain people who congratulate and make excuses for men who misbehave and come back for marriage i just shake my head for them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Multiple gbam ke?!Dis arrogant 'i know everytin' oprah wanna turn every oda woman 2 a lesbo like her

      Delete
    2. I totally agree with you, it doesn't always work like that.

      Delete
    3. Don't mind dem there names r sorry,Ndoh

      Delete
    4. Anon 17:34 what has this got to do with lesbo?

      Delete
    5. Anonymous 17:34 replying is not necessary especially when you have only stupidity to share.

      Delete
  3. Opray has a way of making my day. I hope everylady had a moral lesson from here

    ReplyDelete
  4. Coming from sum1 who isn't maRried..abeg madam winfrey #parkwell..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. with few points she made, she's right but I disagree with most of the points

      Delete
    2. Well maybe she's taking her own advice....ever thought of that/

      Delete
    3. U need brains. Marriage doesn't define a woman or stops her from giving advice. This is my problem with brainless Africans like you. Grow up

      Delete
  5. This makes so much sense. #wordoflife Hits the nail on the head.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Please!! And all this is coming from woman who isn't in any committed relationship!!!!!! I agree wiv most things she said though, just feel that when ure in a marriage, some of these rules don't apply

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Even though she's not married, she's in a very committed relationship and has been with the same man (Stedman) for almost 30 years. You may criticize her for not solemnizing the union but the relationship is way more committed than majority of the so called marriages we have nowadays.

      Delete
    2. I dont think she was talking about marriage here....the truth is when it comes to love, there are no hard and fast rules...it is only about knowing who you are in Christ...

      Delete
    3. I guess the way life works is that we can't give advice/have an opinion on a topic if we haven't had personal experience about it....SMH

      Delete
  7. not bad. but there are no rules to relationship. Just follow your heart

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @ Anony 18.22, while there may be no rules to relationships; I believe any relationship that makes you feel less than you deserve should be stopped..


      Funmi

      Delete
  8. Men,Men,Men what about an article on Women?

    ReplyDelete
  9. As much as I my brain is telling me that what Oprah is saying makes sense. My heart keeps telling me Love isn't a strictly by the rule thing. U shouldn't judge other people's decision without first trying to walk in their shoes. When u are in a relationship some of this rules might just not apply. *my opinion*

    ReplyDelete
  10. I just woke up. Done trying:)

    ReplyDelete
  11. Nyc1 dats hw it shld b YOLO

    ReplyDelete
  12. I love that part that says All Men Are Not Dogs. This write up is a healing balm to women struggling in a relationship and those frustrated with marriage disappointments.

    ReplyDelete
  13. oh wow! i was just abt putting this on my blog. guess ladun beat me to it hey

    great news for d rectangle shaped woman now on my style blog. click to find out

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Liar! This Oprah's "advice" is like 100years old, what do u mean u "were about" after u saw it here! U can copy n jack n other things bloggers do but don't be feeling smart... Just about my ass!

      Delete
  14. easy for madam billionaire who can have her pick of any man she wants to say,although she makes some valid points about a woman knowing her self worth but then again a relationship is not like picking and choosing yoghurt or biscuit in a supermarket aisle its not perfect its 2 different people with different personalities coming together so obviously there ll be a clash of emotions until they understand each other and blend..
    we are quick to wish for the long marriages our parents/grand parents had/have but who is ready/patient enough to withstand and endure what they had to in order not to raise children in broken homes?
    i dont think she has examined her african american community and the high level of broken homes and how this has resulted in a high number of young black americans in different prisons everyone knows that a 2 parent home is always better for a child than a single parent home

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Says who??? I wld rather have a single parent home with peace than 2 bickering parents any day!!!

      Delete
    2. Mr ITK,a two parent home is NOT always better than a single parent home! What if there is violence or abuse occuring between the parents? Is that healthy for a child's development??? A child needs to be raised in an emotionally secure,nurturing environment. That's what is important, not just having two parents being physically present.

      Delete
    3. lol @mr itk
      obviously i meant a 2 parent stable home,statistics either in europe or the united states and canada has shown that children brought up in a stable 2 parent home always achieve their potentials compared to those from single parents..the main cause of the lost generation/social crisis mostly amonst african americans in the united states apart from drugs is single parenthood even obama touched on this publicly before and after his 2008 presidential campaign go to stoke newington/hackney,camden majority of the black boys you see on crime watch and in several jails serving time for murder are mostly products of single parents home

      Delete
    4. @anon 13;10
      true but using a balance of probability what are the chances though of one happening other than d other?
      its very well for a billionaire to say this she can comfortably support and raise a whole city of children single handedly but how many single parents who have kicked the man out can manage?

      Delete
  15. Beatiful !!! Really got that

    ReplyDelete
  16. Love this! If a man still cheats on me after 9 years of relationship, he has so lost me! Done enduring/trying to change him! So so done! Its Me-time now. Thanks Oprah.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I sooooo luv dis..I support 100%

    ReplyDelete
  18. Well said Oprah!

    obyazike.blogspot.co.uk

    ReplyDelete
  19. Well the whole she's never been married thing still gives some bias to her thought process. She is probably one of those who try to learn from observing, not experiencing.

    She still feels angry about her past and she also needs counselling. But I am tired about how every relationship advice is about what to see in the opposite number, no one talks about self-emancipation in relationships, and the ability to grow one's self through the experiences in and outside a relationship.

    No relationship is perfect, think it, our fore-fathers hardly dated, but those who were determined to forge a great relationship did it. It is a journey of forging two separate human beings into one. Even in chemistry, two different elements can't be easily fused (that's what causes nuclear reactions), talkless of two complex human beings. And the benefits can only be fully enjoyed not at Oprah's age, but usually much older with hindsight.

    The first thing everyone needs to know is their responsibilities, what am I bringing to the table for this man/woman. Most women out there never ever bring much if anything to the relationship table, that is why overtime, the beauty and charm fades and the man soon loses respect for them.

    You can't love when you have hate, anger in you. You might actually love the person, but wouldn't know how to love the person in a way that the person would appreciate or want. Deal with the ghosts of the evil past, forgive and u will learn how to live.

    And women need to grow themselves inside out, I know some 29yr old females, who still carry ideas of relationships similar to 19yrs old girl. You need to learn the right lessons of life and use them in your life.

    Oprah talks like everything is black and white in a relationship, there are no real theories to love. It involves God, work, prayer, faith, love, hope, self control, patience, discipline, forgiveness, wisdom...

    The question Oprah and all the females and males in here need to ask is, how much of the above do they really have

    ReplyDelete
  20. @10:27 honestly u hit d nail on d head. My husband will always ask what do u ave to put on the table in this relationship, it's a 2way thing. You don't expect something from ur partner wen U don't ave anything to offer.

    ReplyDelete