Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Help Us Become Real Men...Men Write Women

Dear Women,

First of all, we're sorry. We're sorry that although we look like men, we often act like boys. We're not even sure what it means to be men anymore. As we grow up, we learn that to be happy is to be self-indulgent and self-centered. We try to make enough money so that we can have the right TV with the right video games in the right home.

We want to date you and maybe even marry you but we are scared to focus on someone else instead of ourselves. Isn't it sad that we see committing to you as a potential threat to our happiness instead of a wonderful opportunity?Here's what we don't understand: True happiness comes from being true men.


We think and act like boys who don't want their toys taken away. We look up to "role models" in the media who teach us to get as much gratification out of life as possible. We may claim to be spiritual, or even firm atheists, but pleasure is the god that we worship, whether we realize it or not. Unfortunately, women tend to be just another part of our hedonistic lifestyle. Please know this: True men won't treat you like an irritating obstacle or s*xual convenience.

A real man understands that women are to be cherished and treated with care and honor. He sees marriage as the opportunity to be a real-life superhero—he leaves behind his old identity and becomes a new person, dedicated to serving his wife and children. Although he will struggle at first, a true man who marries eventually understands that he can't fit through the narrow doorway to happiness if he tries to carry all of his toys with him. There is just enough room for him and his wife, arm in arm, committed to their marriage.

Women, you can help us become real men! Most importantly, we want to feel admired by you. Help us to know that you love us just as we are, even if there is room for improvement. Do this by giving us words of validation; praise us for the things we do well. This means more to us than we let on.

In return, we will make sure that you feel loved and cherished by us. We will learn to talk with you so you can be heard and understood, not so that we can tell you how to solve your problems. We'll also try to learn to express how we feel without withdrawing or getting angry. With polished communication we can learn that what makes you happy makes us happy too! What a concept!

Once again, we're sorry. We are to blame, even though good male role models are hard to find these days. We've ignored our calling to become true men and instead act like we're in high school for as long as we can. Please trust that we are capable of more than this.

If you are frustrated with the man in your life, do your best to forgive him and start fresh. After a while, if it's clear that he will not become a real man, leave him. You deserve better.

A healthy relationship will make everyone involved feel happy. When we are happy, we are capable of living meaningful and fulfilling lives alongside one another. Thank you for your understanding and patience as we journey onward to find happiness and become real men.

Sincerely,
Men

51 comments:

  1. WHOEVER WROTE THIS..THANKYOU!! im goin thru torture in d hands of a guy iv givn my all..things are not working bcoz of HIM. Most of the things on here jst describe him. Its sad men are slow to mature, but wat du u do wen u try to help him grow, and think maturely and NOTHING jst seems to b working?!

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    1. Focus on yourself, not the man. It is easy to blame the other person! Grow up and accept responsibility for your actions and inactions. Quit trying to change your man by telling him what to do and not to do, a grown up man does not take kindly to attempt at being led.

      Men may be slow to mature but that's not enough to blame us, women mature faster because they get into the game earlier or how many men get "toasted" when they are 12??
      Take things easy and keep working on yourself, a good man that will appreciate you will find you in due season.

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    2. anon 10:58. U took it outta my mouth. Focus on urself lady. The right man that will traet u beta dan u ever expected will come. wen u say things are not working bcoz of HIM, im guessing he isnt acting right in evry ramification of that. so why still force things? move on and Give God a chance.

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    3. The bastard that gave me Herpes...I will still kill him. A relationship with nothing to show for...I'm treating herpes with more money than he ever gave me..I leave my pussy open all day so I can get healed...I wash my bump ridden vagina because of him every 6hours...I rinse my toilet with hot water every time I tak a piss/shit.. I will kill him...all men will die! And this one...I will do myself!

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  2. I praise my man, i motivate and encourage him, Yet, he treats me so bad. Uses Unkind words on me, makes me feel lik im not gud enof. I hope he reads this and hopfuli apologises for all. :(

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    1. For both anonymous's above. I sympathise with you I am a woman like you. But if a man continues to treat you like trash its becos you treat yourself like trash. Love urself first be whole. There is a limit or shld be a limit to everything. These men do it just because they can.

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    2. anon 22:32 does he read this blog? if so how du u know? also dont u think if he reads d blog, he'll know who wrote this? but then again other pipl are goin thru similar issues, so maybe not..lol! a man dat loves u wont treat u d way u are sounding. focus on You and let go of rubbish. what is truly urs will come bak to u, bt if not, God will bring som1 way betta for u.

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  3. so you know

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  4. Well said bro.please let them ladies reply

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  5. Heaven will only help those who help themselves.
    The good nigerian.

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  6. Oya ibo men cum nd hear o!! Very arrogant nd self centered!!....yinkus

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    1. Like your so called husband. Bigot

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    2. Gbam!! Igbo men are self-centerd and proud! Thats wat ended my relationship..and i liked him. But his Damn Pride and Ego!!

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    3. mind ya own men na.. Yoruba men: always cheats and liars.. feeling sexy with their razz selves! nonsense!

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    4. @Yinkus, I'm suprised at your comment as you've boasted about your ibo husband in the past. Or is he only a prize when you want to belittle ibo women.
      @anon 1:46, pride and ego are part of the Ibo DNA. A proud and arrogant man is miles better than a mumu. As long he can back it up with manning up, its cool.

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    5. @Yinkus, I'm suprised at your comment as you've boasted about your ibo husband in the past. Or is he only a prize when you want to belittle ibo women.
      @anon 1:46, pride and ego are part of the Ibo DNA. A proud and arrogant man is miles better than a mumu. As long he can back it up with manning up, its cool.

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    6. hahahaha...tribal fight...oh how I so hate unnecessary pride...Argggh!!!

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    7. anon 13:30. U r a silly ibo man. U are also prideful and arrogant! it takes one nowhere!

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    8. Hian
      U're here talking bout d igbos nd yorubas
      Av u met d Rivers pple
      D ikwerre's esp
      Don't go dere o
      U go testify
      Pride in all colors nd shapes
      Walahi

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  7. The author has written well. The truth is nobody can help all the grown boys become men. They copy what they have seen growing up and there are so many other factors nigeria has become a pit of overgrown spoilt boys who lack wisdom. The ulimate goal for them in life is selfishness and disrespect for women and now women are doing the same and the cycle continues. If u want change be the change you want to be.

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    1. So true. My ex was selfish and lacked motivation - just like his dad.

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  8. That sermon described white men and few nigerian realll men.a typical nigerian guy because he has been groomed to be a "god" will take ur compliments n throw it in ur face.most nigerian guys cheat endlessly when they know u love dem and chase after a girl who doesn't care about them n shower her with gifts n all. So as for all d advices up there I think its an individual thing. If ur man appreciates compliments well give him all of it but if u r with one who start feeln like a god n doesn't appreciate compliments then Do Not Give him one.

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    1. Most Nigerian men cheat!! Thank God you now know but some of you girls are so funny..all men cheat, whether Nigerian or Korean. And by the way, Nigerian women cheat as well, as much as the men! This page wont be enough to write on this. Women? I fear una.

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    2. @Geegee. Its funny how u say naija men cheat, come to think of it Who do they cheat with? Their fellow men? I guess u know the answer to dat.
      We all are polygamous in nature, be it a man or a woman and stop claiming a saint

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  9. Thank u bros for this nice n wonderful piece.tnk u God for my hubby,he is such a wonderful person to b with.sorry to all d ladies going thru torture in dia r/ship,pray God wil b with u n help u find ur perfect match.

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  10. I'm sorry to say but this article could ONLY HAVE BEEN WRITTEN BY A WOMAN! I'm a woman, unapologetic about it, but honestly our brains process information in different ways and we express ourselves in different ways. This is a woman's interpretation of the male problem. A man would NEVER have been so quick to get to the heart of a problem involving "emotions" and "maturity"!
    LOL! They still need us to tell them where the problem is!

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  11. When girls make noise about a guy treating them badly I shake my head because you should know yourself worth. If you have prayed and tried to make this guy a better man and it doesn't work then bounce. you are not GOd and can not change the heart of man. Please women know your self- worth and stop complaining that a guy is maltreating you. You should get what you give. You love a man and you give him your all and he gives you nothing in return but pain, then please do urself a favour n bounce. A week of crying to get over him is better than a lifetime of pain.

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  12. MEN, SO SELF-CENTERD, THEY DONT GIVE A DAMN ABOUT WHO IS HURTING AS LONG AS THEY ARE NOT AFFECTED I THINK THEY ARE THE SAME. AM MARRIED O.

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    1. lol...not all men are self-centered. Some just don't show their emotions

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  13. Wonderful write up, God bless whoever wrote this.

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  14. who run d world? "Girls" ... Men r lik babies when they mess up you clean them up...

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  15. Its impossible to help a man who doesnt want to grow grow! I dated a 38 year old boy who refused to grow up. no one told me to run after i wasted 12 months there.

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  16. @00:48,U MUST B VERY MAD ND UR SO CALLED FADA TOO IS AMONG D AROGANT BEAST AM TALKING ABT!! IF NA LIE,MAKE IBO MEN CUM TALK MAKE I HEAR AM.SMTCHEEW.89% OF I BO MEN ARE AROGANT ND SELF CENTERED!!..,.YINKUS

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    1. Illiterate go and die. Your husband must be pounding you daily to hate Ibos so much. Uncouth Ajangbadi ho.

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    2. sadly u are right!!

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    3. Wasted foetus and waste of breath. Illiterate bigot.

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  17. @00:48,U MUST B VERY MAD ND UR SO CALLED FADA TOO IS AMONG D AROGANT BEAST AM TALKING ABT!! IF NA LIE,MAKE IBO MEN CUM TALK MAKE I HEAR AM.SMTCHEEW.89% OF I BO MEN ARE AROGANT ND SELF CENTERED!!..,.YINKUS

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  18. Even though the letter reads like it is written by women. Let us at least give him constructive advice

    Dear Men
    Firstly be truthful to yourself and think of all the women you have hurt, arrange a time to meet with them and apologise to them with all honesty. If you have left her at the alter or left her with the children, or even left her sick, apologise and restitute as much as possible. If she is continents apart, write her an honest mail about it all. Try and forgive the ones who wronged you. Get a clean slate.

    Take some time in solitude and use that time to reflect in whatever you invested resources on in the past and realise that was what mattered most to you in the past then think of what will matter in 15years time. Work on your weak points.Its a slow process and nature tends to go back to a bad habit but you can overcome it, besides we all (men and women) are works in progress

    Read material that describe the behavioural and psychological trait of women. While reading such material, put them into practice. also bear in mind how the Nigerian society looks at women. Be sensitive and put yourself in her shoes, feel her struggle and pain. Empathise with her.

    Show love to the women around you (mother,granny aunties, siblings, that old lady even work colleagues or even ladies you see in the shops) you have no idea the burden placed on women, a 'how are you today' here, a show of appreciation there, pay for some items if you see she is struggling (yes even as a stranger an even without seeing her panties) help her if she is burdened with 5 kidss and luggages struggling to get a taxi, dont just walk past. Generally empathise with them. I do not guarantee that they all will appreciate but many will.

    If you have a wife, for the love of everything good, ensure you provide for her. Also learn about her sexuality, dont allow sex be a 3minutes affair. Read about ladies sexuality and make sex a pleasure for her too. If you have to ask if she has orgasmed, then you are possibly not getting it right.

    Treat women you meet as you would love to be treated (I would have said mother or sister but some of you treat even them so harshly)

    Make sure you love the woman in your life enough to show her attention and keep her safe, and if you dont please let her know and let her go so she can find her own man. DO NOT HIT HER PHYSICALLY OR EMOTIONALLY

    No one is perfect, so if you have a woman and you are weak with temptaion, let madam know your weakness so she can work with you and also decide if she can deal with it. If indeed you want to stray, make it very clear to the woman you want to stray with that you are not available you just want to have fun and ask her if she also wants to have fun, if she doesnt, DO NOT FORCE OR RAPE OR HUMILIATE HER. Respect the lady at home by at least using a condom.

    Please, please and please realise that Nigerian women are raised by family, society, religion, to be wives from an early age. So by at least 21 she is ready for marriage. This is not the same with Nigerian men. Realise it, empathise with it, and do not waste the time of a 30+ yr old lady if you do not want her for marriage. Do not play house, do not call her wife, do not ask her how many kids you both want, do not lie that you want her for marriage. Make everything very clear

    I just typed out my thoughts based on the common complaints against men, it doesnt mean women are perfect. If a topic comes about women I will type out as deem fit.

    Mena

    Do you think she is a mansnatcher?-> http://efemenaoreoluwa.blogspot.com/2013/06/can-you-decide-if-man-snatching-occured.html



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    1. I absolutely love this comment! Without meaning to sound smug or anything...I'm in a very GOOD relationship at the moment but obviously I've in been in some pain inducing relationships in the past but totally agree with this comment...GUYS make your views known from the onset and LADIES...ask him what he wants from the relationship, don't be scared,that he will run off coz at least in the long run...you've saved yourself time and for some of you money...#GBAM

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    2. I absolutely love this comment! Without meaning to sound smug or anything...I'm in a very GOOD relationship at the moment but obviously I've in been in some pain inducing relationships in the past but totally agree with this comment...GUYS make your views known from the onset and LADIES...ask him what he wants from the relationship, don't be scared,that he will run off coz at least in the long run...you've saved yourself time and for some of you money...#GBAM

      Delete
    3. I absolutely love this comment! Without meaning to sound smug or anything...I'm in a very GOOD relationship at the moment but obviously I've in been in some pain inducing relationships in the past but totally agree with this comment...GUYS make your views known from the onset and LADIES...ask him what he wants from the relationship, don't be scared,that he will run off coz at least in the long run...you've saved yourself time and for some of you money...#GBAM

      Delete
    4. I absolutely love this comment! Without meaning to sound smug or anything...I'm in a very GOOD relationship at the moment but obviously I've in been in some pain inducing relationships in the past but totally agree with this comment...GUYS make your views known from the onset and LADIES...ask him what he wants from the relationship, don't be scared,that he will run off coz at least in the long run...you've saved yourself time and for some of you money...#GBAM

      Delete
  19. Am ibo and very FEW ibo men understand d word Love, we re arrogant YES but still, wen we don't love u, it speaks 4m d get go! Some ladies see the sign and still want 2 play away there time with a guy who is not ready 2 commit, relationships re not easy, u shd study ur man and know his high and low moments, law of physics ' opposite attracts' if u apply this principles, trust me ur relationship will improve up 2 40% so long as he loves u... babe's 2 dey relax inside relationship wen they think the man is there's!!! Mba it doesn't work that way # competition is d key word# I be babe o

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  20. Intellectual piece! I really wish all men will act like real MEN and appreciate wot they have. Women are help mate and not trash therefore we deserve the best out of everything. My final words to men is that they should drop the wait and move on better.

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  21. @yinkus, if an Igbo man has jilted you before why not forgive and forget? You will surely commit suicide from the way you are going about the way he dumped you. Better still, go and beg him to take you back. Shikena!

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    1. na u go hang urself throway!olori ibu were!! 4 ur info,ma hubby is 4rm umuhu okija in anambra state,u hear?nd am very proud 2 hav ibo okija children nd we are stil very much togeda bt d trut must b told o o o!! Ibos are generaly arogant!c'est fini!!......yinkus wunyi okija

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  22. @Yinkus, now u are talking. Igbo men have ego, just like other men from all over the world. One thing is that they know how to treat their women well. Keep to your Igbo husband dear, he loves u more than anything. At least, he has not brought any strange woman to your house before and I do not think he will ever do that. Just be a good wife and you will be blessed.

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  23. @19:59,TNX JARE!! MA HUBY NO EVEN GET TIME 4 ANODA WOMAN XCEPT ME ND AM GRATFUL TO GOD.....YINKUS

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