Sunday, June 2, 2013

Where Did I Go Wrong?

Hello Ladun,

I'm an ardent reader of your blog. Kindly help publish my story so I'll know where I got it all wrong. I'm sending this amidst tears and Insomnia. My name is Bola. I have been dating this guy for 10months now. In the last 10months so much has happened.

First it was the struggle of getting him to love me. It took well over 2 months for him to utter the words "I love you" even though he asked me out and we were already exclusive in the relationship. Next it was the struggle of getting used 2 each other. My bf is usually emotionless. Someone who believes showing affection as a man is a sign of weakness. He's always concerned about his ego. He talks me down, insults me in the name of advice and rarely does anything romantic.


I am a very independent woman ( I have my money) but he believes doin anything or giving me anything is a very big deal even when he knows I don't have (he knows how I spend my every kobo).

I loved him and took all his excesses for 8 months hoping things would change. We broke up for a week. During the break up, I got 2 hang out wit an old friend ( something I never would have tried if not for the break up) and I started liking him. He was single so I felt we could start something.

I missed my bf and I called him and we made up. I told him how I hung out wit somone and how I could have dated the guy. After we made up my bf became a better person but my mind was divided.

I continued keepin in touch wit my old friend and one day I left my bfs house and lied I was goin home but I was going 2 see the other guy. He followed me and caught me. I felt bad and begged him but I did it again. And he caught me still.

I NEVER slept with my old friend. Though I was already in love with him, I had to let him go. Now here's the PROBLEM! My bf accuses me of cheating everyday! Did I make a mistake by being plain with him about meeting another guy? Or why did he forgive me if he couldn't cope. I feel like a cheap prostitute now cos that's how he sees me. We just broke up cos I can't deal with somone constantly accusing me. Where did I go wrong pls?

201 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Hahaha best reply!

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    2. 1) men rarely say I love you that doesn't mean we do not.
      2) what do you mean by "struggle of getting him to love you" since he asked you out, overtime he will surely do...the reason why he was slow was probably he was still watching you.
      3) you actually had to hang out with that old friend because you wanted to get over him, that was too fast...
      4) I'm sorry to say this your emotions are multi-directional and seems you don't know what you want, within a week you were already in love with that old friend.
      Finally, your first bf that doesn't respect you, doesn't deserve you and you never proved otherwise. if he comes back, don't take him back coz he will never trust you again, and don't date the old friend because of antecedent, he may not trust you...move on and someone else will come, which might be me.

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    3. U are evil hahaha what a comment lol.miss thang never tell a Man U slipped off at some point tell ur girlfriends and move on now u need to find a new bf because this one will make sure he kills your self esteem with this thing

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    4. Loooool I laughed so hard hahahahaha!!!!!!!!!! Poster you need a job!

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    5. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    6. Is this a comment? Na wa o ....... Check out hot naija gist here

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    7. Anonymous 223:55, that's such a beautiful answer to her question. Best. You should start an Agony Aunt column in one of them papers/mags.

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    8. Lmao @ur comment/lack of comment

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    9. @anon23.55 GBAM!!

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    10. Una both dey crase o! Wetin gbam about no comment nah? Abi una get spiritual eyes?

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    11. LMAo and to think this is the 1st comment. 2 funny.

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    12. LISTEN TO ME SWEETHEART. YOU DESERVE BETTER, LET SLEEPING DOGS LIE AND MOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ON. IF YOU ARE THE TYPE THAT LIKES A MAN WHO EXPRESSES HIMSELF AND SAYS I LOVE YOU MUSHY MUSHY AND IS EMOTIONAL AND THIS ONE IS LIKE A PIECE OF WOOD, YOU WILL SUFFER IF YOU MARRY HIM AND YOU WILL CHEAT ON HIM BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT CONTENT AND YOUR EYES ARE OUT THERE.

      I WILL NOT SPARE YOU THOUGH BECAUSE YOU MESSED UP TOO AND IF I WERE IN YOUR BF'S SHOES THAT HOW I WILL KEEP ACCUSING YOU OF BEING A CHEAT. ARE YOU A LEARNER? HOW CAN THEY CATCH YOU CHEATING OR TRYING TO CHEAT MORE THAN ONCE?

      ANYWAYS YOUR EYES ARE ALREADY ELSE WHERE. LET GO OF THIS GUY FREE YOURSELF AND TRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY NOT TO CHEAT IN YOUR NEW RELATIONSHIP.

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    13. I will advise you to forget about him and move on with your life.
      Grab the latest gist here

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  2. U don't have any problems.... Rest!

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  3. forget about him, and move on....stop feeling guilty, if you end up with that guy, you might regret it, and it can lead to DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.

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  4. U r DAFT naa nii! U NEVER tell a man ur viable options u just allude to it. u never give a man the ipperhand of talkng down to u. you train him to understand u r aboveall hoes. You b mumu jabo and start again or pick ya feiend but u have bad esteem so....

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    Replies
    1. Men lik dis are EVIL. went thru disame thing! had to tell myself that..im done! He will still want to beg wen he realizes u TRULY are a gud person! Men are Just pure EVIL. God help us all!

      Love from Texas

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  5. Hmmm dear, you need time to figure out what you really want.. Do you like your former friend or your new friend? If you really like the new one... you will not keep going back to the older one...

    Mayowa

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  6. errr..bola,first of all you need to grow up and take charge of your life and decisions..i mean, you sound like a child. Why did you stay with someone who wasnt making you happy..really why? If this old friend of yours made you happy and you felt you were or are in love with him,why not go for it? Now you broke up with the current guy and you are feeling bad..infact i dont even understand..how old are you sef??

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  7. Stop dulling urself...forget about your bf and start sleeping with your old friend. Life is too short...dick is very sweet.

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    Replies
    1. Hahahah! Omo oshi..you are one funny girl.. But hey, it's the truth..

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    2. Lmfao! ashewo oshi..Lmao!

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    3. @ omo oshi............you are simply omo radarada!

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  8. Ode nie Bola.Ode aiye ati orun.What are u looking for.1-there is no future with dis guy that talks u down and makes life miserable for u.2-why wld u open ur mouth to tell him there is som1 else.3- why did u call him bk to make up with him,why are u trying so hard.4-why did u nt stay single for some months before hanging out with a new guy.U need to sit down and think.I av bn thru dis kinda shit b4 bt I am wiser now so better wise up.Give d other guy a chance tho,maybe just maybe.I av given up on naija men tho.Peace.

    Sorry abt calling u ode o.o ka mi lara ni.

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  9. Where the did you go wrong? Read below in your own words:

    "First it was the struggle of getting him to love me. It took well over 2 months for him to utter the words "I love you" "

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  10. Men don't like competition.. You should never have told him about your old flame.

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    Replies
    1. just the truth...no matter how hard you convince him he can NEVER TRUST you.

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  11. And who's this first commenter? What's with the .......?

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  12. forget about your old bf. he is a loser. focus ur attention on the new guy.

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  13. Woman, u need to get ur head examined

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  14. I'm sorry to say but this story sounds so silly!

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  15. U went wrong in 2 areas
    1. Not telling him off before moving on to the next guy
    2. Its apparent u love ur bf nd not the other guy. I'm kinda in ur shoes and have learnt to move on. Forget that he calls u whatever. Leave him and move on to the next guy if he treats u better. Life is to short to be with an emotionless, stingy, hopeless bastard!

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  16. Your first and only mistake was getting or forcing him to love u.u can't force a guy to love you.he can pretend to and show himself at the slightest oppotunity

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  17. See question...he caught u twice buddy...n u kept apologizing when u knew u did absolutely nothing with this old friend. Besides, this ur dude obviously ain't feeling u like that(IMO)

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    Replies
    1. EXACTLY! He has Lost a good thing Bola, and wen he realizes it will be Too late. Move on with ur life. he probly wasnt feelin it dat much..or STUPIDLY feels too cool with himself, like he can get any girl he wants..smh! Girl Move on. Going thrun similar right now..but im done being a fool. A gud man is out der praying to meet pipl like us!

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  18. leave your bf, he doesn't love you but won't let you go because you allow yourself to be taken easily and without any effort from him. Listen to your heart and your doubts. Your gut never lies.

    You didn't do anything but soon, you will allow your situation to turn you into a cunning and untrustworthy woman.

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  19. U are a fool what are u still doing with him ? Walk away

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  20. you shouldn't have told ur bf about the guy in the first place

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  21. Abeg, break up with him.
    And keep your old friend as just a friend for now.
    You need a break to clear your head. And guys don't really forgive easily. If he feels you cheated on him, he's probably going to make a big deal of it till forever.

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  22. Ur story is senseless!!

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  23. Emotional Abuse. It will lead to Domestic Violence. you're better off without the him. Take time to read Domestic Violence 1&2 On stelladimorkus blog.
    its a must read. get out now before its too late.

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  24. First of all your bf don't love you
    He only got back with you cos he got jealous and don't want anyone to have you
    Love is a beautiful thing and no man is emotionless.... If he ain't giving you that emotion then he giving it to someone else
    Your partner should make u stronger not weaker... Should raise you up at your weakest and stir you to the right direction not the other way around
    2ndly I suggest you remain single till you can decide who treats you better and from your story your old friend does

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  25. Btw: you asked where did you go wrong? I think you know where ...
    The part where u lied and kept on lying... My dear is where u lost his trust
    Sadly if you stay you won't build it back
    My own two cents sha...
    Be happy

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  26. They are doig u frm yur village. You have a problem of indecision and ojukokoro. U beta mk up ur mind cuz ur bf obviously dosnt love u. Abi are u a learner ni? Tsheeeeewwwww

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  27. so if lying to see the guy is not cheating...

    then what is it called..

    Just imagine u were ur bf .. how would u feel?.. caught sneaking twice

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  28. Yes,u're a cheap prostitute. Your Bf caught u visiting another guy in his house twice,u must be an otondo.
    Ur whole life is wrong
    , & u even said u almost dated d guy so don't be stupid. Since u're into prostitution without pay can u come & visit me plzzz. Just click my profile & send me an email if u're interested,remember I said plz ooo.

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    Replies
    1. you are such a FOOL!!!!!!! May your whole life be wrong. Say Amen!!!!!!!!!!!

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  29. You have wrong written all over your post, you went wrong for real, the sanest to do now is simply trying every means to prove beyond that to him that you had nothing intimate with the old guy, that's all!

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  30. you went wrong by making me read your stupid n senseless story.

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  31. Are you for real?

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  32. You're an idiot and foolish girls like you deserve all the heartache they get. I don't think you love and respect yourself. That's why you will put up with man that won't say he loves you without prodding.

    You should break-up with your bf immediately! A man that talks down to you and insults you even before marriage will surely lay his hands on you once you're bearing his name. Run now while you can. God will provide you with your own husband that will love and respect you.

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    Replies
    1. why dont u give ur advice witout insulting sum1. dnt u know how important words are? wats d difference btw u and her bf? it is people lyk u dt use ur mouth 2 bring curse to yourself...... give your advice and STFU

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  33. relationship is not by false, if someone don't love you u can't force them to love u. you are a cheat accept it

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    Replies
    1. she made a couple of mistakes... that does not make her a cheat. please mind your language.... it can happen to any1..... some people including yourself may be in worse situations

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    2. Yesso aunty abi uncle it is really not by FALSE...I wonder where FORCE went to, that you just refused to use it

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  34. Go and be with the person you love and that loves you. If your boyfriend is emotionless and it takes him 8 months to say I love you and does not pamper you, he should not accuse you of any wrong doing.

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  35. Leave dt ur 1st boyfriend 4 gd abeg, relationships cn be beta thn w@ u r gettn 4rm him...

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  36. Your boyfriend doesn't love you neither is double dating good. Make a clean break from the two of them and search your mind deeply for what you really want. Don't ever force yourself on any man, he will never appreciate your value. Just concenntrate on being a better you and the correct bobo who will value you will come, this I'm sure of. Take care

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  37. Babes, you are asking a question you already have an answer to. First, you love your boyfriend of 10 months but he doesn't love you. Secondly, he is possessive! I have made mistakes in the past. Wise up and see if your old friend still likes you and move on with him.

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  38. You are on a longgggggg thing.......good luck to you. Bye bye

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  39. You would Hav been mature enough not to discuss your old friend with him. Also, why were u going back to your old friend when you bf has changed?

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  40. Nawa 4 some pple o. Y don't u ask him where u went wrong? How d hell do u expect us to knw? Abegi!

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  41. You shouldnt have lied to your boyfriend. Girl if he brings you down , you dont need him because a man that brings a woman down is going be the woman down fall.

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  42. You are silly Qed!!

    Ladun!

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  43. Hmmmmm.My bf is like dat.he hardly says he loves me.cos of ego.but he expresses his love to me,and dat I feel is more important......well sorry babes since u know hw ur man is,u wldnt hv told him abt hangin out wit anoder guy.give him sometym,he wld come around!Goodluck!

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  44. I'll advice never to go back 2 that relationship cos that's how domestic violence starts. Kindly visit Stella Dimokokorkus to hear stories of different women.

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  45. Bola,sorry Bou ur ordeal buh when will ladies/women learn not to open up all 4 dere bfs/husband..they tend 2 see our weakness And use it against us,pls u deserve true Hapiness,find that.Don't let any son Of a bitch Pull u down.He is kuku still a bf so u Berra run 4 Ur Laiv bfr u bcm one of doz Women on Stella's Blog writin bou Domestic violent#Nuffsaid...tolu

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  46. my dear you didn't do anything wrong. Any guy who refuses to show you affection isn't worth it. I've been there before...let him go and trust me if he's yours he will definitely come back to you. Give him sometime to rething. He pushed you to the other guy.

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  47. Ask urself now. Or didn't u go wrong. I beg waka. U hv messed everything up. This relationship can't work he can never trust u. U say u going to destination A and u are found in B. Haba if na u wld u trust again. In a relationship trust is everything. And u lost that with him. So move on as u hv done BC u will never be happy with him BC he will always remind U. But next times pls keep ur words as to ur movement. Good luck next time

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  48. Msheeeeew!kant u see ur bf does nt have what u want!u better leave him alone and let him go odawise u will look back and hate urself for wasting ur own time

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  49. Havin sex b4 marriage dats were u go wrong

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    4. Good answer. In a bf gf relationship,why cry or worry when you know full well that you fornicate pre-marital which is a killer . Try relationships without sex and how much he/she will trust and cherish you more. The trust gets stronger when no sex because your spouse will not be thinking of you having sex when he or she is not around you.
      It's a difficult decision,a relationship without sex is the ultimate.

      I have been in relationship with sex yet still single,you break people's heart and they break yours.
      You may not trust that partner that you have sex with always when ever you are apart from each other, because of what he or she crave for.
      I have met couple of ladies and all they want is sex even on the first date haba.
      I think one can initiate sex later on maybe after 6months or more,that is if you can't wait any longer,for me it's better to wait until marriage.
      Sex on the first date or weeks is just too soon for me. I am tired of random sex with just a girl you are getting to know. Let's take our time even though descipline is the fundamental thing here. We will try and let's try. Say no to pre-marital sex.

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  50. Ode ni e...u said bf? Not even husband! Girl, u ve a very low self esteem....

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  51. girl u need 2 b spanked

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  52. ****Mufasa Said03 June, 2013 07:51

    Wat rubbish r u saying? My gosh! D blood in my eyes r bursting wt d pains of reading dis trash! Ladun, one student From surulere girls will just type trash on her phone n send 2 u n u choose to punish us wt her lame story! I'm sorry to say but D stupidity of some of u single ladies is d reason y a wise man will neva marry u! Look at her saying "I av my own money", she could b sellin bra in isale eko lik dat o, comin here to talk lik a don!I can't deal abeg!

    ****Mufasa Said

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    Replies
    1. how does your silly comment proffer a soln to d gehs problem? eh? abi u want Mike Adenuga or Aliko Dangotes problem to be posted b4 u reply? #howsenseless

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  53. U did wrong by telling him abt ur old frnd! Guys don't like bn told the truth no matter how much they pretend they wanna hear it. U shld have kept it to urslf since u didn't do anything with d old frnd. Dump ur sorry ass bf, cos he's gonna torment u for d rest of ur lives thnkn u r a cheat and since he can't bliv and trust you; then he doesn't deserve u. Sometimes we think sm1 is the best for us but dear we are so wrong!! All d best

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  54. kai.....ur story tho......just leave both of them and start with a neutral person...

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  55. kai.....ur story tho......just leave both of them and start with a neutral person...

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  56. kk....I think you have to workon yourself first, the way you handle relationships....It is not in a woman's place to struggle or work hard for a man's love....I think that's where you get it all wrong!!!.....Don't struggle, fight or work hard for love....forget all those stories of men not showing affection....LOVE is an action, if a man loves you...he can't hide it, he will care deeply for you as a whole{your soul , sprit , and body}....I feel you should let go of the both of them , and work on yourself...when a woman works too hard to get a man, or loves to aimlessly{without the men loving back}, that means their are issues you have to deal with in your life...Sometimes, when we don't love ourselves, we love and hold on to people desperately, and these people get choked up and tired of the love...So , sit back and think deeply,about why you don't like yourself....it's could be issues of lack of parental love, sexual or emotional abuses, past failures...and release yourself from all the burden...forgive youself....and learn, grow to love yourself....TRUE LOVE starts with you..when you love yourself..., you don't struggle for love from others, because you have a bit of it in you....A woman that loves herself might not be the most beautiful, but something about her is so attractive...and her life is so colourful..So just calm down, go on the journey of self discovery, love and pamper yourself, and be patient....when you meet a new guy..don't act desperate...Guard your heart.., until you are sure he loves and cares deeply for you!!!Wait for your own man, Whatever is yours is yours..you don't have to struggle for it....all the best!!!

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    Replies
    1. See the epistle "oloyan pandoro" is writing over a foolish secondary school girl's story

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    2. Gbamest! I once suffered from lack of self love, so I totally get what you are saying.

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  57. Msssssccheew ....pls make up ur mind on who u want to be with. U should have used the time spent on typing this long story to take dat decision. Ladun , next please.....

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  58. U visited another man and lied about it but he caught u, not once but twice. Doesn't matter whether u had sex or not, u broke his trust. That's where u went wrong.

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  59. You went wrong by making up with him...shikena!
    Struggling to maintain a young relationship shd av given u signs...hope u have learnt now

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  60. I think you have some self esteem issues....feelings in a relationship are meant to be mutual and shld come naturally, u don't force or beg for it otherwise you have to beg all the time to keep it which can be so frustrating....Your BF never loved you, you actually threw ursef at him and made him profess fake love......girl, you have to work on ur self esteem, be confident, keep ur head up with a good mental outlook.....Its not a favour for any man to love you or be with you. They have to want you as much as you want them on a 50/50 basis otherwise you are better of being single....if the new guy treats u right and makes u feel happy, then go wit him.

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  61. Honestly to me,this your story is pointless..

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  62. I think you have some self esteem issues....feelings in a relationship are meant to be mutual and shld come naturally, u don't force or beg for it otherwise you have to beg all the time to keep it which can be so frustrating....Your BF never loved you, you actually threw ursef at him and made him profess fake love......girl, you have to work on ur self esteem, be confident, keep ur head up with a good mental outlook.....Its not a favour for any man to love you or be with you. They have to want you as much as you want them on a 50/50 basis otherwise you are better of being single....if the new guy treats u right and makes u feel happy, then go wit him.

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  63. I dont mean to insult you but what comes to mind first is that youare a big fool for not being able to identify your wrong. Secondly, my dear you are independent so you do not need to rely on your old bf for financial support. So my advice is simple.....the new man in your life is single and so are you and you were even willing to risk your old relationship just to sneak out and be with him. All these point to the fact that you no longer love your verbally abusive egotistic bf. so my dear kindly maintain this second break up and make it final. Dnt call him and dont have any further contact with him. There is nothing worse than a proud egotistic partner whether its a man or woman. Go with your new guy and see where it leads. For now at least. But remember this.....new guy doesnt mean he wont have issues as well. Just be prepared. Good luck okay.

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  64. You went wrong from the beginning to the end of your story.
    1. Seems you are forcing yourself on someone who dosent feel the same way.
    2. Someone that talks down on you in everything you do has an underlying complex and insecure.
    3. If you are liking the new guy and it is reciprocal, move your ass away from the so called bf (sorry you have broken up with him sef), pick the pieces of your heart and MOVE on. No dulling.
    4. Sit down and think of the number of good tyms and happy tyms vs bad in your relationship, weigh it and make your decision. He who wears the shoe, knows where it pinches more.
    5. Good luck in your endeavours.

    Shyla

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  65. Nigerian girls and he must be my boyfriend by fire by force. He already puts you down and "you love him". Oya go and marry him now. If you start complaining about abuse. If you like don't read the signs.

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  66. Weep not dear, you did nothing wrong. Your biggest problem is you have insecurity issues. Given your description of this guy, I'm sure it would not have worked out eventually even if you guys got married. Truth is you are just not compatible.
    How long are you going to put up with all his "issues"? Thank God the situation has sorted itself out for you. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, move on and a good man will find you. Believe me, you are worth much more than this "ice fish" of a guy. On a last note, try to work on yourself too. You need to be more self confident.

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  67. move on. men dont like women after they've cheated.

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  68. Hiss,.. Abeg shift.. You clearly don't know what you want.. Go figure urself out.

    Kelly

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  69. pointless gist abeg! the story no get head am lost!! next pls!!!!

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    Replies
    1. asin my brother/sister, virtually dont get the story! onto the next...

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    2. dummies upon dummies........ which school una go sef? una no sabi read?

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  70. the First bf is just looking for an excuse so that people won't blame him for playing with yopur emotions. he dose not love or have any feelings for you at all, he loves someone else, am happy you found anoda guy, so ride on with him. just ignor the first one, and move on with your beautiful life.

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  71. babe, dump that ass of ur bf. he will never let that go and you can't live the rest of your life feeling like you owe him. at the same time, dont chase or call back the old friend. he will never respect you if you do that. just be alone. you'd def find someone better, maybe not today, but you should instead focus on being happy with yourself for now.

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  72. Her RoyalPoshness03 June, 2013 08:51

    boring story!!!

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  73. You better move on to some1 that makes you feel good about yourself. I smell emotional abuse all over your so called relationship!

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  74. you didnt go wrong anywhere...just go back to the old pal since you seem to click...leave the other scumbag that doesnt feel you deserve better and stop feeling pity for yourself...

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  75. he doesn't deserve you.u are emotional, he's not..u are loving and patience..he's not..just let him go..he's not 4 u

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  76. Wetin be the problem of all these girls sef? Na only when una get relationship problem una dey seek advice? Abeg, how market today?

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  77. The story seems incomplete.

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  78. I am actually trying to keep myself from abusing you. but seriously, you really went back to him?
    1. He only said "I love u" after you literally put a gun to his head.
    2. He is emotionless.
    3. He shows no affection.
    4. He abuses you and insults you
    5. His ego is larger than olumo rock.
    6. He doesn't give you money or take care of you at all.
    7. He accuses you wrongly always even when you are innocent.

    THEN YOU LOVED SOME1 THAT YOU MET AND LOVED!

    Make i ask you 1st, are you a learner? Did they jazz you ? if you are my sister, na cane u suppose chop for being a fool for this long. do you think he will change? next thing some pple will tell you to start praying, better know that not all crosses are meant for you o. But if you want to start your own carrying of cross, oya now. Just don't cry to us when he pulls a "K-solo" or at the extreme, an "Arowolo" on you. Better wake up o, love ko, mumuity ni.

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  79. You are just desperate and confused lady.

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  80. Wats d meaning of this story please? uv broken up with him ur still asking where u went wrong so u'll go back and correct it ehn? mumu!

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  81. Hiss! Very foolish story next time be feeling like miss honest don't u know secrets are sometimes good for a rshp?!

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  82. Ladun, enough is enough! Which kind yeye story be dis? Pls stop wasting my time over rubbish. Like seriously,is dis brainless girl expecting an answer? Whoever gives her an advice concerning dis pointless story must be her co-olodo. *kmt*

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    Replies
    1. you should be ashamed of yourself for the insults.....it is not by force to read the story or comment so carry ur stupid self to several seats, dirty mouth fool

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  83. Lol funny story with the pic too,why did you leave the second guy u claimed you were in love with when u broke up with ur emotionless bf??u tot the emotionless bf will be better the 2nd tym,girls make me laff.what to do is clean up dose eyes,forget about mr emotionless,hook up with d other guy,and if the other guy is not ready for anything. Serious,u move on,I don't think population of men has gone down to just "2"be urself,the right one will find u!

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  84. Lol funny story with the pic too,why did you leave the second guy u claimed you were in love with when u broke up with ur emotionless bf??u tot the emotionless bf will be better the 2nd tym,girls make me laff.what to do is clean up dose eyes,forget about mr emotionless,hook up with d other guy,and if the other guy is not ready for anything. Serious,u move on,I don't think population of men has gone down to just "2"be urself,the right one will find u!

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  85. Young lady, follow your heart. Go with the one you love... Your relationship with your bf (or now ex-bf) is not healthy. He will haunt you forever if you settle with him. If the old friend is still available, seek him and hopefully he will be good to you.
    You were wrong not to have been truthful with your movements and sadly, you did that repeatedly! But no biggies, dear. You have done the right thing by leaving the latter bf. Learn from your past, and be honest and focused in relationships.
    All the best...

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  86. life is 2 short gurl.....dats all i ve 2 say,go 2 s1 dats makes u hapi

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  87. You haven't done anything wrong my dear! He only accepted you back because he's confused,scared and perhaps love you at the same time (Love can fizzle out easily in his case, cos he doesn't love you deeply enough. It's just because he now sees you as been valuable and wanted by other men). There's something about you he probably cant get elsewhere at the moment, but it's just a matter of time my dear. Don't get me wrong people change and become better, but what's your love foundation like? I mean, it can only get better like it used to be in the beginning.Now what's your beginning like? No reason to feel bad about what you have done, you are dancing to the tune of your emotion, if the other guy is making you feel good about yourself and you enjoy his company, and your bf can't get you to that frame of mind, no matter what he does. Maybe he's not for you! Bitter truth>>>

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  88. My own bf is like that. Its even worse cus he is jobless. I know he loves meto pieces cus when I threaten him of breaking up he starts begging. I don't do that anymore cus one day I go threaten am and he no go beg! He is very emotionless. He talks to me anyhow and he snaps at me. But out of the blues he can become loving, cook for me. And do so many things. If he had a job things would have been better. As foryour own bf! He might actually be d best guy for u. While that ur old friend can be a chameleon.

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    Replies
    1. Ode. Na ur type deserve beating

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    2. I am sorry but you need to leave that relationship...he is an abuser.....he is only pretending to like you because he is jobless and is scared of being on his own.....if you guys end up marrying and when he gets a job it would get worse!.the insults and torture...imagine living a life of constant abuse?..it would derail you......get some self esteem

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  89. To start with i'm a guy and if i may say most men are prone to insecurity, especially when you are been caught red handed by us. Your fault it all happened because you wrote and i quote "After we made up my bf became a better person" that was exactly what you wanted in him and since he declined from his old ways, you should have cut lose any contact that will jeopardize your relationship. word of advice: - you have learnt your lesson, do not attempt to go back into this relationship trust me it will be a hell. just pray and keep your head straight.

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  90. My dear that guy does not really care abt u, pls move on. Just be strong u'll get over him. U make him feel like u can't live without him that's why he treats u like that.


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  91. Insomnia, ke? Tears ? lori okunrin? Tufiaaaaaaaaa! Did the guy charm you? Abeg leave his egotistic an ego-crazed ass. Nonsense and ingredient!!

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  92. I'll advise you leave this your boyfriend cos its obvious he will continue to abuse you physically, emotionally, psychologically and all. Though a break will be painful since you love him but you will stop hurting faster than you think. Its better to have a broken relationship and find someone later who is really worth you. THIS GUY DOES NOT LOVE YOU.

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  93. You broke your own heart. You broke up just for one week and you were already "on to the next one". To a man, that feels like the move was pre-meditated i.e. you planned to do that while you were still in that relationship.

    Trust is difficult, and takes a while to build, but it is very easy to destroy. Once caught cheating, it's best you move on especially if you admit to it.

    If you are in love with the "old friend" I suggest you take the risk of building something with him considering that he's still single.

    This is not to say he's a better person to your current bf or your bf is the best either. You wear the shoes, you know where it hurts.

    All the best

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  94. My dear, u've done the right time. A man who cannot forgive ur mistakes doesn't deserve u. U are beautiful, strong and independent, u don't need any lowlife to bring u down becos of his own insecurities. You deserve better, a man who would show u that love is a beautiful thing. 10months is nothing compared to the everlasting torture u would experience if u marry him. Omo Shine Ur Eye!

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    Replies
    1. how do u know she's beautiful, u don see her? *eyes rolling*

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  95. Ure very stupid!

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  96. U're confusing us.Madam we can't help u

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  97. You didn't ve to lie to him abt seeing d other guy. N he caught u twice????common babe, he has every right to call u a cheat! U sef, make up ur mind jare! Y stay with a guy dat makes u feel cheap?

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  98. The devil u knew is better than the angel u just met !!! Appearance can be deceptive. When u're neck deep in the new relationship, his original skin might surface, but it might be too late to back out!...or i might be wrong too!

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    Replies
    1. my dear... sumtyms you nid to FLEE from that devil you claim u know. and try d devil nextdoor.

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  99. Stupid! Where did you go wrong? By accepting the idiot back in, especially seeing as you were in 'like' with a better person.

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  100. leave the 2 niggas and get a life.....they will both always accuse you of cheating so forget them and start a new life.....and pls no bullshit about you loving any of them so cannot leave,,, we can always love again.......thank me later darling

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  101. If he treats you like this now, it will be worse when you MARRY him. Let him go, take you mind off any relationship for at least 3 months and ease yourself of man-stress.

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  102. you don't have sense.. that is all!

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  103. oro na ta koko...you have given him every reason to doubt you,he might have truly forgiven you but we do not forget.weigh your options

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  104. My dear,move forward jor. Its so obvious he doesn't want u so why force urself into it. Have bn dEre before and what I'd advice is to do is LEAVE. Its nt compulsory. Its nt like u are even married to him.
    P.S: this is one of d mistakes we make wen we r in a relationship. Later u get married to him and start complaining. Ladies be careful in choosing a life partner. So many divorce and so many separations. No lady ever prays for that ryt. So let's be wise.

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  105. you did nt go wrong for tellin him the truth, u did well, buh u went wrong wen u lied to him abt goin home wen u nt, dt little lie has spoilt the all big truth you have been tellin. It's ok dt u guys broke up cos he has nt yet forgotten

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  106. You are just a confused person... Hiss.. What's all this breaking up and making up. If u can't c a future with him, leave him. Ahan women sha, why would u even want to be with someone that dosent know ur worth and would constantly talk down on you?... Hiss... Esteem issues mehn... That's what you have... Vexing story.... Hiss!

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  107. story story STORY...abeg your story nor get head and tail, parkwell joor!

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  108. U be correct Maga. How kan u be crying over a guy in dis 21st century? U dey madt ni? Abeg look 4 sumtin to do wit ur life eg get an Msc or register in a gym, just get busy my dear sista n forget abt boys 4 now ohh nne

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  109. Ds story is annoying abeg

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  110. i think u hv learnt a lesson, men hate to hear some1 toasted me, i saw my old bf we get talking i.e. u hv taken d best option by braking up wit him, just move on wit ur life, i wish u best of luck.

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  111. Dis gal u seem very confused, how kan u beg a man to love n accept u? Sum gals get time sha o, he accepted u, u broke up wit him, u guys made up, yet u r not happy, u went to visit an old boyfriend, u got caught twice, wat does dat make u? A COMPLETE IDIAT. Clearly u love ur ex, why not go bk to him full time n forget dis ur present BF sinz u guys hv even broken up. Pls u dint do anytin wrong sha, just go bk to ur EX n live happily ever after.

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  112. You are a very confused human being. You are crying over a man that never respected you or loved you. You broke up with him, found someone better, went back to your bullying bf, still dating better guy and now you are crying...Abeg leave this place!!! Come back when you have grown up and have real problems

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  113. Sigh! Read your own story again. Now read it one more time. In fact, read it again, till you finally give yourself brain and see where you went wrong - in the very first paragraph of your tale - "First it was the struggle of getting him to love me"...YOU DON'T MAKE ANYONE DO ANYTHING THEY DON'T WANT TO DO! Now, move on with your life and find someone who loves you, will do the things you complained of with your ex - YOU are worthy of love, women stop selling yourselves short.

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  114. My dear leave him he's not for you and may probably give you hypertension

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  115. can u please make up your mind to leave your abusive relationship and quit whinning. You already know what to do.

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  116. First you went wrong by telling him about your other bf. As a woman, we should learn to keep some secret to our selves especially when it concerns us. I am equally giving this advice to my myself also because ladies like to show over niceness in a relationship with man by telling them everything that happened in the past even the bad ones forgetting that this men if not majority will always judge you by that. Honestly sometimes it is difficult, that is why we need to pray for the holy spirit to control our tongues not to say what we are not suppose to say.

    Secondly why did you continue keeping in-touch with your old bf after you both reconcile? This is very very wrong even if you must do that you would ve been so secretive about it, men are jealous too just like women. He caught you the first time you pleaded, he forgave you still you continued seeing him, it means even if he marries you, you will continue seeing your old bf. A man that you visit always and both of you stays alone, it is hard for people to believe that nothing happened even though it is very possible.

    Now that you both broke up may be you should go back to your old bf and pray things work out between both of you, but this time you have to be very careful.

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  117. My question for you is why do you keep seeing your old friend when you want you relationship with you boyfriend to work out. Why do you keep lying. Make your decision as to who you want to be with.
    www.davitzinc.blogspot.com

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  118. Dear Poster,

    I'm sure you've read so many similar cases to yours. What lession have you learnt from them?

    I think the mistake you made is telling your "bf" that you were seeing someone when you both were apart. Now he uses it to judge you every now and then.

    In short, he doesn't trust you anymore and a relationship where there's no trust is a disaster in waiting.

    Can I ask you this? What do you want for yourself relationship wise? Arth thou okay with this man distrusting your every move, motives and words?

    Arth thou okay with a man who uses vulgar, belittling and condescending words on you? Arth thou ready to live with such a man for the rest of your life?

    How do you feel after he insults you? Do you have this inner peace anytime you are together/think of your relationship?

    If you marry him, expect the following:
    1. You'll continue to beg for his love(you've already started already, isn't it?).
    2. You'll experience more of his abuses in whatever form like never before.
    3. He might make you stop working
    4. He might cut you off from family and friends.
    5. Send spies to monitor of your movements(might do it himself).
    6. Monitor your calls, chats, messages and social networks activities.
    7. The list is endless.

    Please take time to go through the following links and learn; please take your time cos you'll need it:

    *http://www.stelladimokokorkus.com/2013/05/domestic-violence-dairy.html?m=1

    *http://www.stelladimokokorkus.com/2013/05/domestic-violence-diary-part-2.html?m=1

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  119. Wen u lied.

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  120. This is d most confusing story i have read for a while..... Gurl get ur priorities straight.. Ur confusion and confusing story is confusing me... Abeg make i stop before i talk anoda tin

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    Replies
    1. na you no sabi english fake ass dude....what is confusing you about the story? go back to sch mumu

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  121. over to the elders

    amazing stuffz on my style blog when you visit www.soladunn.blogspot.com

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    Replies
    1. You never tire to dey hawk dis your blog. Blog hawker.

      Delete
  122. Bola abeg go sit down 4 gutter...rubbish!!! Since u new u wer nt ready 2leave ur so called bf y did u 4all in luv wif sum1 else nd y did u lie 2 him twice bout goin hme don't u c anyfin wrong in all dat..if u tired of ur bf make up ur mind nd move on stupid gal

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  123. First of all,stop crying cos to me u ve just gained freedom from above.it is wrong to marry a guy who doesn't give u money even though u r Bill Gates n he is a pauper he shld be able to show u love by buying u gifts,telling him how u spend ur every penny is a no-no even if "na ur husband;never ever marry someone who would destroy ur self-esteem cos it can lead to depression.wipe ur tears n be merry cos the guy doesn't deserve u .

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    Replies
    1. perfect.. God bless u Lami

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  124. In addition, please also read this for more insight and wisdom:
    http://www.wivestownhallconnection.com/2013/05/i-cant-do-this-anymore.html?m=1

    I wish you well.

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    Replies
    1. Shut up jare!

      How many resource documents will you refer us to over this lame gist?

      Delete
  125. Ladun where is my comment? Huh

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    Replies
    1. scroll up n u'll c plenty anonymous.....they r all urs

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  126. you dont have a problem, he just cant cope with a pson like you and you cant too, so just cool off ur mind, relax and pray, i believe God would lead and help you. and again, dont be too desperate, guys sense and smell desperacy, so they take every little advantage available...just be cool abt having another asap and if u r feeling cool and comfortable with ur old friend, play safe then cos u never can tell where true love would come from.

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  127. heehhehehe..........warris this?? the fact that there re pple actually answering to this even surprises me more. babe, yu no get wahala. just go find food chop, sleep. shuoooooo!!!!!

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  128. you did the right by walking away...you need a man that appreciates you and not tolerates you....if you are sure that you didn't do anything with the other one and you've explained to him and he wont still hear then so be it...don't care about what your ex says....men would always be men.
    PS.... don't beg your ex boyfriend back...if he cannot see what he has lost then forget about him and go on with your life....

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  129. Hi Bola. First of all, you went wrong by thinking he fell in love with you.... HE DID NOT!!! There is no point going over things you did when you broke up with him and feeling so bitter about them... You were in a state of confusion and needed some help emotionally...(I'll say you dint handle it so well by thinking you were in love with the new guy)... YOU WERE NOT!!! You only had his listening ears... Never confuse pity for love... Try to pick the bits of your broken emotions and try to make yourself stronger...(You can only help yourself)... A lot of young ladies out there are going through even worse things. The birth of a relationship matters in its life.... Start one with the fear and love of God in your heart n friends(boyfriends) heart... Don't focus so much on falling in love with a man right now. Focus on yourself and the love of God. Hang out with friends that wont rub things in your face. Friends that would bring back smiles..(They don't have to be guys)... Live a very easy going life knowing your set goal of being happy and loving... When you love others, you'll def find love. That ex bf left cos God loves you... Love God back truly... Most of all... Always commit all you do in God's hands...

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  130. confusing
    www.nagist.blogspot.com

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  131. LOOOOOOL is this shit for real here is my comments and advice to you
    No 1. You are a dumb bitch for posting your issues online
    No 2. You claim to be an independent chick, so why would you need his money in the first place
    No 3. You must be stupid to think someone will tell you he loves you within the first two months of you dating. What fucking planet are you from?
    No 4. You sound like one of those loose bitches who gives it up after 3 days of dating.
    No 5. Am sure you must have fucked your friend that is why you feel guilty
    No 6. The only way a female will feel like a cheap prostitute is if she is one and the sound of this letter I see the rational in that.
    No 7. Make up your fucking mind on who you really want to be with, because based on this letter you truly want to be with your friend and not your boyfriend.
    No 8. A word of advice to all you idiot who post their drama or life history online for individuals like myself to critic stop it! You only get insults and no solutions

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  132. jing ming ify03 June, 2013 20:33

    My dear. when u break up with one; never go back to him so long the fault aint from you. Though, you were too fast in seeing another. but when u made up with your first; why still see the other. that's one issue with ladies mostly Nigeria; you all think you are smart trying to date two or having a back up plan just becos you are afraid of being hurt. My dear, I would advice you remain single for now so you can get your head up and running. take a break so you can learn from your mistake.

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  133. Na wa for you o! just settle down and re-arrange your love life, it looks scattered to me.

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  134. I can't believe this was even pu

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  135. You need to be patient and let love grow naturally, dont force things to happen, dont overdo things and pls hold on to a guy, one at a time

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