Each time I have the opportunity to counsel men on relationship and s*xuality, quite a large number of them want a decent, God-fearing, nice and financially-dependent lady as a wife, but not a s*xually naive virgin. They reason that such a lady will definitely be a thorn in the flesh on the wedding night. They compare the task of handling a virgin on the bed with that of teaching an elephant how to dance. Putting it precisely, many guys are not ready to start fussing with a s*xually-naive lady on their wedding nights.
Many argue that they are not ready to face another load of emotional stress after overcoming the stress that wedding preparations had put on them. They also dread the teaching rituals of every other night of the relationship. But this is actually the best part of the game. Why would you prefer some other fellow to help you act the lead role in the drama?. It is the person that acts the lead role that becomes the star and the super star.
Marrying a virgin wife should never constitute a s*xual nuisance or a challenge. Rather, the groom should have a good, loving attitude towards his bride. He should not make it mandatory to have s*x with her on the wedding night nor exhibit all the expert methods that same night. Even if the bride is not a virgin, it is very possible that she may not be an expert on bed if she has not been exceptionally s*xually active prior to marriage.
Start your lovemaking with a relaxed mind; do not look too serious. Just make sure you do the right thing at the right time. The groom should say something sweet and romantic to his wife before anything else as this will relax her more. The same goes for the bride; she should not appear as a saintly prey and the man as the merciless devourer. She should give her husband a reassuring look of acceptance and approval.
Help each other to undress and give room for both of you to refresh yourselves with a good bath. This is necessary to calm you down after the ordeal of the wedding ceremony you have both gone through. The physical, mental and spiritual exhaustion might affect you negatively if not well handled. It is, therefore, very important to be in a relaxed mood and not compulsorily focus your mind on s*x for the night; you still have all other nights to yourselves. When you finally commence, do not skip foreplay. You don’t need to be in a hurry; remember the wedding night is just the beginning of a lifetime of s*xual enjoyment together.
After bathing, which you can have together, change into something comfortable and nice. The bride should change into something sweet, irresistible, transparent and seductive; preferably a new lacy bra and undies with a good body perfume. The bride just has to smell very good. The groom should change into good pyjamas and make use of a good perfume and comb his hair neatly. The choice of the room should provide enough privacy and create a romantic atmosphere. Switch off extremely bright lights because dim lights are more romantic with candle-light. All these have a calming effect on the new couple and help to remove any anxiety and feeling of embarrassment. Dark light is not s*xually appealing at all.
You both can then graduate into holding of hands, staying closer and maintaining good body contact. The body contact should take a longer time in order to enable the lady especially to be more relaxed and prepared for the job ahead. Then, lovingly undress each other. It is needful for the newly wedded to undress in front of each other since it helps to quickly handle shyness. This is very important and if done rightly, it creates oneness. This, however, should not be done in haste. As the undressing goes on, hugging and kissing should also come in gently and at intervals. After removing one piece of dress, kissing and hugging should follow before removing the next piece. It is important not to give room for embarrassment at all because you are both now husband and wife.
Then love-play should follow by caressing each others upper body; for the bride, the breasts most especially, the nipples. The nipples should not be roughly fondled but faintly touched as a feather touches the skin; or on the other hand, let the man use his tongue gently on the breasts; it is very stimulating and exciting. The lady should let her husband know whenever he does something that excites her; this will encourage the woman to be more relaxed and have a loving attitude towards s*x and her husband.
Knowing that he cares for her feeling also is another boost. If a husband-to-be has this mindset, I am certain that having a virgin as a wife is worth the bargain.
Written by Rev. Mrs Funmi Akingbade