STRANGE! Ra*e Festival Begins This Week In India

Men in India are already beginning to celebrate as the
annual Assam R*pe Festival is just days away. Every non-married girl age 7-16
will have the chance to flee to safety or get r*ped.
Madhuban Ahluwalia who heads up the annual festival told
reporters why the event is so important. “This is a long time tradition in
Assam dating back thousands of years,” says Ahluwalia. “We r*pe the evil demons
out of the girls, otherwise they will cheat on us and we will be forced to kill
them. So it is necessary for everyone.”
 The Assam Festival began in 43 BC when Baalkrishan Tamil
Nadu ra*ed everyone in his village of Doomdooma. Baalkrishan Tamil Nadu is
remembered every year at this event, in fact the trophy given to the man with
the most ra*es is called “The Baalkrishan”.

24-year-old Harikrishna Majumdar told reporters that he has
been training all year for this event. “I’m going to get the most r*pes this
year. I’ve been practicing all year. I ra*e my sister and her friends every
day. I will be ra*e superstar number one! I will get the Baalkrishan prize this
year for sure!”
12-year-old Jaitashri Majumdar told reporters she almost
made it through last year’s festival without getting ra*ed. “I came so close to
not getting ra*ed. I almost got to the ‘ra*e-free-zone’ at the edge of town,
but at the last minute 9 men jumped on me and r*ped me. Luckily I am just
recovering now so I can participate in this year’s events, otherwise I would be
put to death by stoning.”
34-year-old Brian Barnett from Toronto who is visiting Assam
on business told reporters he will be missing the festivities this year. “My
company did not tell me anything about a ra*e festival happening while I was
here. Are you serious, a r*pe festival? I’m getting the f*ck out of this
backwards country tonight.”

India is second in reported ra*es in the world directly behind
the United States, but this is so because most of their r*pe cases go

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