We Are Aware Of Our Single Status And Most Of The Time We Don’t Like It! Musing Of A Spinster

I have always joked that my folks would one day marry me off
to some stranger who is willing to have me without so much as collecting a
dowry. Of course, I know my family members would never do such. They’ll defend
my honour till they draw their last breath. I am very sure of that.
Unlike me though, some women aren’t so lucky. Their folks
would practically marry them off to anyone who would have them. And sometimes,
these unlucky women don’t have a say in this matter. I have seen cases of women
who were forced to say “yes” to a loveless marriage, just because they’re
getting “too old.” And in some ways, I understand what they must have been
going through.

A few weeks ago, I crossed the threshold into the other half
of the 30s. And for the first time, the ‘you’re not getting any younger’ mantra
finally found an audience with my eardrums. Phew!
In less than a second, I took stock of my life and the men
that may have crossed path with me. I haven’t dated much, I found. And I still
don’t date! Worse is, right now, all I do is attract older men. Some even old
enough to be my uncles, to put it mildly. And as a very close friend jokingly
put it when I told him of the men, he said, “don’t mind them, they are only
being paedophilia.” I had to laugh.
I must say that back then in my 20s, the thought of dating
an older man seemed appealing. Romantic even. But not today. Not when
60-year-olds and above are asking for my hand in marriage. Come on! 
That’s not
Then a thought crossed my mind. What if I never find a young
man to marry me? I mean, what young man would be willing to marry a woman in
her 30s when there’s the distinct possibility that childbearing at that age
comes with some risks, when he could find alternatives in younger women? Even
if he was willing to live with that, would his family and friends find it
acceptable? And if they don’t, what happens?
And the truth of the matter is, a woman my age doesn’t have
the luxury of time to experiment with relationships. I only have a maximum of
six months to date and an extra two months to get married, right? At least,
that’s what I think.
And yet, no man is asking me out. I never thought I’d be so
scared for my future in my entire life. It looks dreadfully bleak. The best bet
would be to latch on to any available man who asks me out, find a way to fit
into his little boxes and get married. It seems like a reasonable enough choice
to make. Only that it is not.
May I add that all of these musings were really absent of
parental and extended family pressure? But as I said, I have a wonderful family
which loves me to the moon and back. The family members are comfortable with
all my decisions, although I’m guessing being eternally single isn’t one of
them. They will support me and even walk through difficult situations with me.
But other women out there don’t have this gift. Like me,
they’re plagued with fears of being single for the rest of their lives. But
what I have found is this: no one will want her mate. There’s someone for
everyone and the person for you is out there, waiting for you. I, like every
other woman out there, don’t have to settle for less. I am a working woman and
I take unabashed pride in my job. I, in fact, love what I do. I believe I am
making an impact on someone’s life out there. Although being married is one of
life’s joys and I really would want to be married, I should not be defined by
my single status, but by what I am contributing to make the world a better
That is why I respectfully ask folks out there to, please,
back off, at least,  a little. We are
aware of our single status and most of the time, we don’t like it. You’ve got
to see that. And we’re not going to allow ourselves to get pressured into
getting married, even when that marriage is not good for us, on the long run.
To me, it is better being single than be in a loveless
marriage.  So I am just going to say this
to the single people out there, stay strong. Stay focused – focused on your life’s
goal, on the kind of person you want to be and work at  it. Learn what will make you  become what you’ve always craved for and
prepare yourself for that kind of marriage you want. Confess your future into
today. Eventually, it will come to pass. Do NOT see yourself as a failure.
Don’t try to work it all out yourself – your judgments may be clouded and you
may fall.
As I said, it is better to be single than to be in a
loveless marriage.

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