Monday, January 13, 2014

JUST IN: I Stopped Loving My Boyfriend After I Aborted Our Child! How Can I Love Him Back?

I started dating my boyfriend 13 years ago but somewhere along the line, he started cheating on me. I used to cry and pray and beg him to stop but it didn’t stop. 9 years into the relationship, I got pregnant and had to abort the baby after much persuasion from him.

After this incident, I realised my love for him started decreasing in fact I started hating men all together. 2 years ago, I finally realised I had little or no love for him any more so I asked for a break up but he begged me and promised to change which surprisingly he did.

But Ladun each time I try to look for feelings in me for him I only remember the pain and hurt I went through and the baby I aborted for him and how I might not make heaven because of the abortion. This makes me hate him more than love him. I have tried to break up with him many times but instead he ups his game and shows me more love in ways that can only be imagined.


After some fasting and prayers to God to help me handle the situation, I got some indications that he might just be sincere about loving me so I have decided to give it another try. They say the devil you know is better than the angel you don’t know so I want to give it one last shot but I want to make sure I put in my all my best with a clear heart and see how it goes.

Pls fellow LL readers, kindly help me. I will appreciate if you can give me tips on how to soften my heart towards this guy who has been my only boyfriend and help me love him.  God bless you Ladun and God bless all LL readers. It would also gladden my heart if you don’t haul abuses and curses at me and just help me as I have come here with a sincere heart looking for sincere advice. Thanks again.


75 comments:

  1. Who sent you. See her mouth like I want to love him back

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    1. We started dating when we were teenagers. We are both 30 now and he has gone to ask my parents for my hand in marriage since September last year. He proposed to me officially on 31st December but I told him to hold on that I want to pray about it. My parents are waiting for me to make up my mind on what to do. My parents dont know about the abortion and they arent pressuring me into marriage because they have sensed the resentment i harbour towards guys. For those asking why he asked me to abort, he wasnt ready even though I know we were not too young then to have kids. Though I regret not confessing to my mum back then because she suspected and I lied and looking back now, my parents would have accepted the baby. Now I am bitter and full of regret and hate. For those asking if he has really changed, the answer is yes. Thank you all. (poster)

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    2. See how comftable you are with carrying belle and removing it...that's what this should be about
      Aborting belle for a bf...just a bf...I do not care if you have dated since you were born
      Mtcheww

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    3. Dear Poster, i know your bf and i am telling you that you are on a very long thing. I know all yor story and i will tell you that he has been living with a different woman forthe past 3 years, u dont love him ba? leave him now.. i know everything that went down and its still going down, will speak in parables but if you know , you will understand and read between the lines.. take a grip of yourself, that one no b boyfriend na apa... i dont envy you at all.. And that is not love ok.... keep decieving yourself., een if yu eventually get married, you cannever be happy because the so-called guy is a piece of shit....... a word is enough for the wise.. STOP EMBAASSING YOUR SELF , STOP WAITING FOR ABROAD GUYS,...MUMU, LOOK INTO THE MIRROR AND ASK YOURSELF WHY U HAVE PUT YOURSELF THROUGH ALL THIS? I CAN GO ON AND ON TO MAKE YOU KNOW THAT I KNOW U 1OO% AND MAY GOD FORGIVE YOU FOR ABORTIING.. I HOPE YOU CAN STILL GIVE BIRTH.. GOODLUCK

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    4. Dear Poster, hope you come back to read this. If he has changed and you are sure he has changed. Give it a thought, yes give it a thought. But use your head, make sure you both are on the same page with regards to how you want to lead your lives in the future. Open your heart dear and allow yourself to love and FORGIVE. We all make mistakes but the ability to learn and grow from them is what counts. But don't get married to him with the resentment in you heart, make sure you free yourself dear. The person who came up with the saying, the devil you know is better than the angel you don't had a reason. Dwell in the good times and let go f the bad, stop sex for a while so your judgment is not clouded. Put God first, both of you. If after all this, you heart is still shut, then I guess you should move on. But I have a strong feeling that if you leave him, you might miss him in the future. God loves and forgives, you should too.

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    5. Let he without sin cast the first stone. She's asking for advice and you're here condemning. Are you God????? Why are Nigerians so stupid??? We are all fucking hypocrites! Give the woman advice, no.. Meanwhile you might have done 5 abortions for your sugar daddy's. Smfh!

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    6. Please who are you?
      Because you said you know me very and all the nonsense you just narrated now has nothing to do with me....
      Thank you(poster)

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  2. Plz...brk up with him or go on a break

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  3. Abortion after 9 years of dating??????!!!!!!
    I feel for you but I think you should have been more responsible with protecting yourself.
    Pray to God for forgiveness, mental and spiritual healing.
    I don't think you should marry such a person.
    Look for a husband elsewhere.
    Don't worry about starting all over with a new guy. There are better people out there.
    This your guy doesn't fear God and that's an essential component of a successful marriage.
    Take it from me.

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  4. Abortion after 9 years of dating??????!!!!!!
    I feel for you but I think you should have been more responsible with protecting yourself.
    Pray to God for forgiveness, mental and spiritual healing.
    I don't think you should marry such a person.
    Look for a husband elsewhere.
    Don't worry about starting all over with a new guy. There are better people out there.
    This your guy doesn't fear God and that's an essential component of a successful marriage.
    Take it from me.

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  5. I think you are on the right track. Just keep praying. God bless,you

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  6. Please leave him. 13 years???? Are you mad? And still he ain't ready for a baby??? Girrrl, u better be out! #deuces!

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  7. You two need to go for counseling. He has no idea you resent him and you need some assistance getting rid of your emotional wounds. Good luck.

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  8. Ladun u sure say no be u need advice?

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  9. 13yrs kwa? Do u intend on getting married? I'm speechless

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  10. You see he showed you what he is like already...only you know what you've been through...he still hasn't married you all these years??? How old are you??? Men rarely change no offense.. If he has really used his game..why isn't he proposing and basically single handed lay planning a wedding to really convince you... Choose wisely girl

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  11. Awww. I had one for my bf then, now hubby. Infact, i changed my mind about him as soon as i did it. I asked him to leave. I stayed away from him but he noticed n started over loving me. I stayed. Now we are married. Maybe u shld give him another chance n if he messes up again, walk away.

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  12. Stop forcing yourself. If it doesn't fit anymore, then don't force it. Everything God created obeys their sixth sense in times of danger-everything except man. Obey your intuition.

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  13. Pray 2 God and ask him 4 4gvnss. He's d only1 who can restore all u've lost back 2 u. {Goldie}

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  14. A guy who puts pressure on you to abort is not worth the effort. I am not surprised your feelings for him waned. This kind of guy is not going to walk with you through thick and thin but will sacrifice you for his reputation first. Why would he put pressure on you to abort after 9 years of courtship- which I think is too long by the way? To save his face? Perhaps you were both indulging in premarital sex and it went wrong and he wasn't man enough to face up to the consequences? . He has probably realised that he hurt you by asking you to sacrifice both yourself, and his baby. Guys can like you put it "up their game" . You actually seem to know he is putting up a "show" for you-you probably do not know why yet- and your gut feeling is telling you to walk away. But you are not listening. You will be hurt even more later on. Just obey your inner feeling. Your prayer has been answered since day 1. For you to be asking for help now tells me you are simply forcing yourself. Why? Forced love cannot stand the test of time. Just let it go. Let it go. Let it go. As for not making heaven, ask for forgiveness from God and forgive yourself. Gods forgiveness is complete.

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  15. Don't give it any last shot. The guy has been cheating on you? Then you got preg and he asked you to abort? Abeg. Walk away. Stop wasting your time.

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  16. My dear, God is not man! He does not condem pple. Am sure he knws he regret ur actions. Pls ask him for forgiveness! Pray about u and dis guy too. Most of all hatred is a total waste of time, pls forgive, love him its will cost u a lot. Dnt let that act rob u of God's blessings. All d best

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    Replies
    1. 2nd best advice. Ppl r so mean. The girl said please do not abuse. D 1st commenter went ballistic on her. U guys r so disgusting! N u wonder y good things r not happening to u? That is the answer. My dear, ask God to work it out for u n remove the hate.

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  17. use your discretion

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  18. Dear Poster,
    Having read your story, I do feel sorry for you .
    How old are you and your boy friend now?
    If you two have been dating for 13 years, you at least should be in your late twenties.
    From what I have read from your story so far, you seem to have made up your mind on what to do.
    I'm not in the relationship with you, I can't tell you your decision is right or wrong.
    All I have are a few questions for you to answer to yourself.
    1. Why did he persuade you to abort the pregnancy the first time?
    2. Was it fear, lack of funds, disinterest in being a father, unwillingness to be tied down in marriage to you?
    3. Are you sure he has positively changed, in answering this question, you have to look beyond the material gifts he showers on you, but instead look to his character, words he speaks out unconsciously etc.
    4. Does this relationship have a future?
    5. Are you two in agreement with what that future is?

    After honestly answering this questions to yourself, I think you would have determined If you have made the right decision or not.

    Good Luck.

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    1. U are so thoughtful.

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    2. Nicole most inteligent response, see all ds sinners casting, condeming as if they are God and not understanding d situation and position the guy and the lady where in...smh nicole pls I need ur contact, let's go out for a drink

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    3. Now this is one of the best comments. Let the other fools sit n abuse her instead of giving mature and objective responses.

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  19. In addition, when you have learnt to forgive yourself for what happened before, when you have truly and sincerely sought forgiveness from the Almighty God and when you have truly forgiven your boyfriend for encouraging you to abort your baby, only then can you love him again.

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  20. Darling what is done is done....and how can u date a guy 4 13yrs and not married him, if he is not ready for marriage, just leave him.....but if he is ready, m sure ur heart is already soft......take care dear....pele

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  21. All you need is to learn to forgive him...that is just the secret.

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  22. Ok give it a try*u arnt d ist to abort ok

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  23. Ok give it a try*u arnt d ist to abort ok

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    Replies
    1. N y are your boobs on display? Dont you have proper home training that u r embarrasing your parents like this? Or are you related to Cossy? Or maybe u dey find man here. No worry. U will reap d result.

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    2. Lmao! Nigerians..Ahn Ahn

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  24. Your only boyfriend? Isorai! # continues with my temple run game#

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  25. Well since you said and pray i soul suggest you go and meet your pastor and if you don't go to any church I stuggest that you both go to a Christ Embassy Church for counselling and the Lord will heal you , restore you to genuine repentance and grant you a happy home.......
    In Jesus Name,Amen!!

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  26. First of all,you have sin against God by killing someone,what you cannot make is what you have killed,The best thing is to leave the guy because what is the assurance that he is not going to ask you to abort another one.He doesnot want to leave you perhaps you spend for him or he wants to make you a magga for life,Just pray that God should remove his thought from you and face the future,a man is out there to love and cherish you more.

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  27. Leave the guy and run away for your life,he does not need you.You are third born of the devil,i dont want to insult you,just move on with your life.

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    Replies
    1. Lol. Who b dis mumu abeg. U sound like they just discharged u from yaba. What is 3rd born of d devil?

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  28. Has the guy repented? Has he prayed and fasted for partaking in killing of your foetus? Has he truely repented from cheating and infidelity? Will he repeat any of these again? Please look very very well before you leap because you will be at the recieving end again if this guy messes up the second time and this time, you may not recover so easily. We have decent and faithful husbands around talk more of boyfriends so you can be lucky to have one if you choose to walk away. Please be very very careful while making your decision.

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  29. Has the guy repented? Has he prayed and fasted for partaking in killing of your foetus? Has he truely repented from cheating and infidelity? Will he repeat any of these again? Please look very very well before you leap because you will be at the recieving end again if this guy messes up the second time and this time, you may not recover so easily. We have decent and faithful husbands around talk more of boyfriends so you can be lucky to have one if you choose to walk away. Please be very very careful while making your decision.

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  30. my dear,u nid jesus!

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  31. Go ask toke now.. Why are some ladies not always sensitive? You dated him for 13yrs are you mad

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  32. Mistake most women make is dat dey feel dey must end up wit d guy dey dated d longest. Y not try some1 else, wat if d guy just feels u are his comfort zone, u were there to accept all his shortcomings, the other ladies are probably not dat patient dats y he's sticking wit u, is dr assurance dat he won't go back to his old ways wen u are married, wat if he only changed so dat u can marry him.
    Babe u need to be careful don't continue a relationship u are not sure of, u want to stay with d devil u know, av u tried d angel u don't know b4 concluding

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  33. Good thing was sweetening you then,now you want help,just go to third mainland bridge and kill yourself or better still swallow poison and die because you have blood in your hands already.

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    Replies
    1. Olakunle, you are a demon from the pits of hell

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    2. Yaba left things. Im sure things r not moving well in ur life n dat of ur family members. That is why u hv such wickedness in u. N mark my words... things will not improve till u become a more positive person.

      Delete
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  35. I hate you for the abortion.

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    Replies
    1. U A̶̲̥̅̊я̲̣̥ε̲̣̣̣̥ talking as if u A̶̲̥̅̊я̲̣̥ε̲̣̣̣̥ a saint.

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    2. Lol. Who cares if u hate her? R u God? As if how u feel makes any difference. Common go to school n write ur exams.

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    3. You hate who kwa?
      Who are you again?

      Keep on judging someone.

      Delete
  36. U dnt gt married out of pity,dis guy mite juz change cuz he wotz u 2 b wif him n mite stil go bak 2 his vomit.gal search ursef if d luv is nt der animore I wil advise u quit instead of gtin marid out of pity dat u wil latr regret,rememba marriage is a life contract

    ReplyDelete
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  38. I absolutely dislike commenting on issues concerning these immature childish individuals..
    it is patently obvious that whoever this poster is should not be in a relationship because her mental and emotional capacity is too low to handle with the stress and responsibilities..

    A guy forces you to have an abortion,your conscience which is like your subliminal warning button is telling you what to do but because of for greed for material things you ignore the warning signs now you are looking for people to validate you for peace of mind?

    what in the hell is the meaning of "but instead he ups his game and shows me more love in ways that can only be imagined." did he give you his kidney or heart? or swim through kuramo beach in honour of your love?

    you have already concluded what you plan to do as obvious in this paragraph "After some fasting and prayers to God to help me handle the situation, I got some indications that he might just be sincere about loving me so I have decided to give it another try. They say the devil you know is better than the angel you don’t know so I want to give it one last shot but I want to make sure I put in my all my best with a clear heart and see how it goes"

    yet you are looking for jobless blog readers to massage and assuage your overblown ego….

    It is not a curse but i am 80% sure that you will still bring an updated version of your epistle of jeremiah some years down the line on how he has changed after marriage and the jobless people on here will follow you in cursing and abusing every Nigerian man not knowing you were aware of the signs..
    There is no indication of your ethnicity but pls find out from a yoruba what the term "OPONU AYIRADA" means

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    Replies
    1. GBAM!!!! LUCA, TELL HER OOOO!!!!

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  39. Just spend the rest of your life praying and fasting,helping you to forget the idiot ,you are in love with,it is not love but capital STUPIDITY

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  40. We girls of nowadays need serious deliverance ,me too i had that type of problem.

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  41. Since you have prayed about it,leave the rest to the finisher God,he will sure see u through

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  42. Men are just domestic animals in human clothing,set your mind back to what attracted you to him in the first instance,think about what he did to you that you will never forget,those special moments you had together,by doing that you'll smile and love him,give him your heart again but this time be very careful by not doing vile things again.Put him in the 90 days test,to see if he is going to put the ring on your finger,if he fails to do that after 90 day,my dear,he ain't worth it.

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  43. Similar thing happened to me. Now he's now a pastor n still jeeps begging for me to forgive n forget d past. But I can't just stand d sight of him or his voice. Still see n know him as the serial cheater n manipulative bastard. My Dear just leave his sorry ass cos he wd still do more toying with ur heart n then leave you,or better still you wd be shocked to find out he's married or engaged. Lol

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  44. y wil u b wit a guy fr 13yrs witout mariage...nawa o

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  45. Did you tell your mama about it

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  46. What else do you need for this guy to tell you that you are never going to be his wife or baby mama,he is not in love with you,just faking up

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  47. What if you cant get pregnant again,just find a way to love him back afterall he is the cause of your misfortunes,also make sure he never impregnant someone else

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Na wa oh...
      Which kind of bad prayer is this You're praying for somebody?
      What is bringing that one?
      Did she tell you she's having problems conceiving?
      The one they asked you for advice you can't advice, You're talking O P....
      Pele.

      Buhahahhahahaha@ he never impregnant someone else that one no be english na engrish be dat.

      Delete
    2. Hahahahaha

      Delete
  48. Stories that touch

    Vacancy at L'uomo clothing: http://toyinaspirekomolafe.blogspot.com/2014/01/vacancy-at-luomo-clothing.html

    ReplyDelete
  49. You know i wonder why you're actually hating him like the fault is totally his. I'm sure he didnt force you to the hosppital and drug you to sleep in order to carry out the abortion on you. You are as guilty as he is! Of course, he shoudn't have persuaded you to do it, but you shouldn't have agreed to do it also.

    About not making heaven because of the act; God is not man. If you ask for forgiveness from Him , on your knees and seriously mean it, He'll forgive you and open a new page for you.

    Most importantly, forgive yourself, forgive your man and move on with your life.
    Wish you luck and more love!

    For more relationship advice, send a mail to:
    bukola.oyetunji@gmail.com

    or visit:
    http://bukolaoyetunji.blogspot.com
    http://bukolaoyetunji.wordpress.com

    ReplyDelete
  50. Leave him...even if he marries you he will change after marriage..and u will hate him and urself even more..leave him alone and. Stop being a desperate Nig girl

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  51. My dear,I had 2 abortions bak in d days,I couldn't get over it,and I was very naïve then.bt thank God for his grace.I am married now wit kids to a man that I dated for jst 2wks,am 7yrs old in my marriage.I honestly think u should move on.leave d guy alone,pray for forgiveness.ur case can't be worse than that of hired killers,ritualists etc bt God still forgives them.besides,do u know dat some married ladies still commit abortion?sometimes it cld be an advice from a doctor,or it cld be dat u jst had a baby and 2wks latr ur pregnant again.so dear be of good cheer.

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  52. Nigerians stop hating and give this aggrieved woman the advice she needs. i'd simply tell to talk to God honestly about this, and what you want him to do about it. trust his power to bring you to love your boyfriend. then forgive yourself and your boyfriend for the abortion, it's in the past. start a new life and remember to put God in everything. i think you should tell your parents about the abortion but it is optional. HAVE and keep your FAITH STRONG.

    ReplyDelete