Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Readers Mail: My Fiance Does Not Tell Me Important Things & I Am Worried

Hi LL readers,

I have been dating a guy for 7 years and we are soon getting married. The issue that I have is that there is a serious lack of communication. I am always the last to know about important things in his life, and the only way that I find out is if I continuously ask questions.  For example when he got a job, he didn’t tell me until I asked, where are you always going to in the mornings, to which he replied ‘I am going to work’ my mouth literally fell to the floor. Furthermore when he bought a new car I wasn’t informed I arrived at his house thinking he had a guest and when I asked who’s car is that he said mine. To say I was astonished would be an understatement. Now my question is this, as much as I love him can I possibly marry someone who doesn’t feel I am important enough to know about the important things that happen in his life? 

116 comments:

  1. Believe me he has communication issues. I ve once dated a guy like that. It took me an holiday together to break up from him. It was hell. Tell him ur mind nd see if he can change.

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    1. Not communication but trust issues. -Me2-

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    2. U 2 dnt tell him anytin abt ur life,just du som astonished tin which wil mak in inqusitive nd ask u so dat he knws hw it feels,dnt brk up anytin jor,do am bak

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    3. this is coming from a female. live in the moment and enjoy the surprises my dear. my dad is like this. he keeps stuff to himself a lot but hes generous. a mans actions should be louder than his voice. some men dont like to broadcast their plans. i have a feeling you're nosy and ask too many questions. sorry if this offends you but its highly likely this is what is happening.

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    4. Anonymous 15 January, 2014 06:43, You should do that to your own husband. Poster, If you didn't sort it out before you marry this guy, you will regret it for a long time, If not for the rest of your life. WHAT IF SOMETHING BAD HAPPEN? (God forbid). What if he lose his job? Is accused or arrested for something he didn't do? the lists goes on.......

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  2. abeg! Abeg! Abeg! No marry him ooo... If he does nt tell u little tins like this, then b prepared for a boring marriage..i dont think the guy loves you

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    1. He probably loves her but doesn't yet trust her enough to keep somethings private, some of us like our lives private because it works in our best interest. She probably gossips, does gberun and side talks with her friends or family which he can't tolerate.. When he gets to the stage that he can trust her then he will start telling her personal things but note that he will do something very drastic to her if she ever betrays him -Me2-

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    2. anon 17:56, I wont agree with what u said. surprises are different. I just got married and I feel so loved when my hubby shares what he has in plans with me. there are surprises if u ask me buh not when I found out casually later....... worried bride to be, I think you should talk to ur guy about it.

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  3. The most important thing in a relationship is communication, it cant work my sister

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    1. He will probably come around, it doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't love her. -Me2-

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    2. U are right. Some people are actually configured dat way. And funny enough he might even realise what he's doing. Just talk to him about it and see what happens. Ok

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    3. He might not even realise I meant to say. Pardon my omissions

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  4. Communication is paramount, I will suggest that you notify him of his behavior, may be he is the type that is not use to all those things, if he loves you truly he will make an amendment

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  5. Pray fervently to God, he may not be your husband

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  6. That is sure a bad attitude, break up with him, cause when you are married his silence will kill you.

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    1. Have you thought about whether he has been hurt in the past? Maybe he needs someone he can really trust? So lets say she breaks up with him, can she predict what her next man will be like?

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  7. Go and die, amebo, you want to know everything

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    1. @genny,r u sure u r ok?

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    2. No mind genny. I don't think she's ok. Are u sure she even has a boyfriend? What an off point contribution

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  8. I don't pray for such a man

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  9. this case is bad, y would he keep things from you, i'l advice u talk with him first, he may change some ppl are not just outspoken, but if he continues i dnt think ur relationship wld last, personally i cnt date or marry some1 like dat abeg

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    1. Good advice but when he loosens up to her, he will test her and see if she can be discreet. She might be surprised about his reasons for keeping things from her! -Me2-

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  10. well, who knows? he might be getting married to you out of pity...someone like this can call of a wedding without even informing you...As for me, i can't deal with such person, neither can i marry such person

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  11. Women, yes us, we are so foolish. We see fire and willingly run into it. Go figure

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  12. This is really weird. I think u should find ur square root my dear. That guy doesn't love u oh! Why would he exibit that kind of attitude to his fiancee when u shld be the 1st to know? Are u sure he doesn't have a madam at the top he shares news with? U need to watch him closely then decide wat u want to do.

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    Replies
    1. After she reads all the responses from this blog, she should go back to her man, show him all that has been written here and communicate with him... If she wants to marry this man, she should be willing to invest some time and effort.. -Me2-

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  13. Dont!

    It will get worse after marriage.

    He wil tel you 'you knew I was like this and you still married me'

    The truth is, you are not that important to him. If you were, you would be the first person he runs to when he had any type of news.


    My 2kobo.

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  14. Play his a game for him, if he likes so much cook his favourite food deliciously and talk about it with him, if it is cookies you know what I mean , give it to him nicely, discuss the issue with him. You'll see that without asking him, will tell you everything

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  15. You don't have to worry, he loves surprises

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  16. Babes he's not in love with you,cos you should be the first thing that will come to his mind immediately anything happen...just flip your hair back and move on....he's not good for u...#MYTW0CENT

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    Replies
    1. For every action, there is an equal or opposite reaction.. -Me2-

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  17. He may be thinking you have to right to know everything now until when you are legally joined together

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  18. Communication is KEY!

    A relationship without communication is punishment. A marriage without communication is hell.

    Suggest counseling. Sr if he improves. If he doesn't, please don't marry him.

    You life partner should be someone conversation flows. Tells you everything.

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  19. God will forgive, you think I don't know you, you talk a lot that is why brother emeka likes to keep quiet

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    1. U r foolish. U n dat ur brother Emeka. What is he using her for if she talks too much? Is that enough reason for brother Emeka to keep things from her? Let him release het if he is not comfortable with her too much talking instead of toturing her.

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    2. see mumu talking, brother emeka is not holding her legs, am so sure you are not married

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    3. Brother Emeka probably loves her very much and is fighting the demons in his head whether he should marry her or not or whether he can cope with her loose mouth or not.. You all see that someone came up and said she 'talks alot'... The lady in question needs to talk to him and let him know her stand. -Me2-

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    4. john u r indeed foolish

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  20. He will tell u when d times b/w u.though,u girlz sometime need no much respect ds dayz.he knws wat is doing or testing u or something else.

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  21. Me thinks d guy doesn't value and appreciate u that much,7yrs?what is still keeping him from popping d question. My sister wahala dey.

    Make money from d comfort of ur home, click d link below to get started.
    http://tasktojob.com/index.php?task=40026

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  22. Is that what your mummy asked you to be looking after

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  23. Real men make things happen and people talk about it and fake men talk of things they intend to do d never get it done. Dont be too inquisitive to save your love for him and enjoy your soon to be marriage. Just learn to understand him better and take him for who he his. Got my wife a commercial house and it is 6 months old today and she is still not aware of it till her birthday which is coming up next month. So dear you guys are still young. Just enjoy the days as it comes.

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  24. Notify his parents or relations about it

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    Replies
    1. and they will drag words out of his mouth?? -Me2-

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  25. The guy must have mental issues!! How can u not tell ur Gf/ wife to be, that u have a new job?? It's just crazy Pls tallk 2him but do not break up the relationship

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    1. The dude sure know what he is doing,all of you abusing him are all insane

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    2. And move to the next man that doesn't have mental issues but has a basketmouth?, Says everything but never gets anything done??? Abi? -Me2-

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  26. Sweetie, some men are like that, they prefer to talk to their male frds instead of their galfrds...dnt be suprised when he buys a new house without ur knowledge ...I believe he will start trusting u wen u guys are married.

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    1. TRUE! and when she proves to him that she is capable of keeping what goes on in their lives private until they both choose to tell! -Me2-

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  27. THE SIMPLE REASON IS THAT YOU ASK TOO MANY QUESTIONS SHIKENA!!! AND HE CANT DEAL. SO LET HIM TELL YOU THINGS ALL BY HIMSELF WITHOUT YOU ASKING.

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    Replies
    1. Do you know that if she doesnt ask he will say she is not caring

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  28. This may interest you
    Share this post before clicking the link below http://tasknjob.com/?share=65352

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  29. Ur wasting your time d guy is wicked

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  30. Run for your life...what is the issue he already shows he won't communicate,...I live with someone like that who changed on me...it won't work...it's a one way street

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  31. One day uld see him all dressed up in a nice suit and tie and uld ask "where are you going to?" and he would reply "I'm going to court for my wedding". Stop fooling urself girl. What's up with ladies these days?

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  32. You need divine intervention

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  33. Try talking to him,if he is gonna marry u,you guyz should be able to communicate and plan together or your marriage will hit the rocks soon.

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  34. Try talking to him,if he is gonna marry u,you guyz should be able to communicate and plan together or your marriage will hit the rocks soon.

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  35. There is no ready made perfect relationship or marriage, you understanding your man and correcting the flaws is what will make it perfect.

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  36. If you are not intrested in the relationship please hook me up with him

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  37. Men are not parrot that you expect them to tell you everything

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    1. Are they parrots when they discuss things with their lover,i dont pray for such a man

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  38. He didnt tell you all may be you didnt do your homework well

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  39. My dear the guy doesn't feel ur important why worry ursef. How cum u date him dis long. U beta find ur way b4 u wake up one day get to his house n find out he is married. If kips important info from u den ur nt importnt to him.

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    Replies
    1. Are you begging her to leave

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  40. Ladun, dont be posting this type of question on your blog, it is not a case, there are many issues to discuss. next please

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    1. What issues is giving you problem, you dont know someone just got an answer to the problem of lack communication.mumu

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    2. Mc uka, don't mind the mumu, instead of taking a que from what is being discussed. Lol -Me2-

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  41. He may wants to surprise you with the car

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  42. Dont tell me you guys have been living together without being married, the lack of communication is as a result of fornication

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    Replies
    1. Very stupid comment.

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    2. Hahahahahahahaha.. I agree

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  43. Girls of nowadays can be so ridiculous, do you expect the guy to turn himself to a blabbing machine.

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  44. No,i dont tink he love u cos from wat u said u shld b d first person to no wen sometin gud/bad happen to him.mayb hes tired of d relationship but doesnt want to say it out.just take d wise step

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  45. Don't make d mistake of marrying a man who can't trust u enough to tell u certain things,u'll get hurt in d end. A man should be able to confide with his woman,maybe not always but most of d time.

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    1. The ones that he confided in her, can she respond to whether a third person got to know? Men speak mostly when they trust, not for the sake of GIST! -Me2-

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  46. Apparently,your not his number one, he has another girl that he tells "things" to. Dialogue with him about his weird behaviour and if he dosnt change, you bounce! You deserve better sweetheart coz there are still good men out there ok.

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    1. That does not guarantee he has another woman.. -Me2-

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  47. I think there is. Serious communication problem between you two and you need to sort it out before you take your relationship to the next level, if not you guys might have problems in the marriage.

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  48. God will sure help you if you believeth

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  49. Leave him and go back to your village

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  50. The patient dog eats the fattest bone, have patience and trust your man

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  51. Do you need to be told you are not part of his life??

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  52. Ma sister, pls flee. Now dt u r seeing dis signs in courtship. Dts a vry bad attitude. Huh? Ur future wife.

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  53. U dnt hav to use that to judge him....some people are naturally not inclined in delivering good news about their fits. They just see it as 'no big deal' probably cos what they just achieved is nothing compared with their dreams and inspirations.

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  54. babe am a guy, my advise RUN

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  55. Noo because he doesnt count u worthy in his life.

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  56. The guy will not make a good husband for you, just flee

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  57. It is better that way as long as the guy perform his duties. Better you share your opinions with him if you have any but he is not under obligation to take it.
    I share most of my opinions with my wife before taking decisions but it has led me into a bad situation, making her feel like I cannot do anything without her. Now I am changing all that.

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    Replies
    1. I sympathize with you. Women are funny.. Loving them means embracing Patience! -Me2-

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  58. Dat is Ђŏw̶̲̥̅​​ dey behaves wen dey r starting to push U̶̲̥̅̊ aside,,,don't marry him....Speaking out of experience.

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  59. See all the posts from girls telling her to leave and that from the guys asking her to understand. My dear, the truth is men and women are wired differently.. Women talk all the time like parrots while men do not blab. The pertinent question is - does he love you? All other things are secondary..

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  60. He is not going to make a good husband. Men like this end up being very selfish, self centered and self serving. He lives his life alone and will expect that he will continue like that in marriage. You are heading for a very unhappy marriage. You will just see your mother in law at your doorstep and he will tell you he brought her. You will just see carpenters and bricklayers come into the house one day and he will tell you he is renovating the house. If you like this style, then go ahead without complaining. if not talk about it now. Now Now. Before marriage. I should know girl. I married the exact type.

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  61. Poison him slowly. He is a wizard.

    #ado ok.

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  62. very bad. He should see you as his best friend

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  63. Trophy life alert

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  64. If the guy does not trust you enough to be telling you things he does, you better walk away from that relationship. You dont need a man that will manage you or rather a man that will enjoy you. You have been with him for seven years, does that not tell you that what you see, is his character or maybe that he does not trust you enough even after seven years? Do you expect him to change when both of you are married whereas he could not change for seven good solid years of your dating with him? Marriage does not really change anybody to good or rather to worst if care is not taken. Stop being desperate if you are. Walk away my lady. All men are not the same. You will surely get someone who will enjoy you enough and not manage you just like your present man who hardly share his life inolvements and activities with you thereby making you the last important person in his life even after seven whole years.

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  65. If the guy does not trust you enough to be telling you things he does, you better walk away from that relationship. You dont need a man that will manage you or rather a man that will enjoy you. You have been with him for seven years, does that not tell you that what you see, is his character or maybe that he does not trust you enough even after seven years? Do you expect him to change when both of you are married whereas he could not change for seven good solid years of your dating with him? Marriage does not really change anybody to good or rather to worst if care is not taken. Stop being desperate if you are. Walk away my lady. All men are not the same. You will surely get someone who will enjoy you enough and not manage you just like your present man who hardly share his life inolvements and activities with you thereby making you the last important person in his life even after seven whole years.

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  66. HONEST ADVICE : dnt break up with him cos he'l change. But u must be patient, continuously speak to him about it, mention what he said d last time u complained at subsequent discussions e.g when u bought d car and I found out you said u were sorry and it wont happen again.
    Let him know u pray for him and his success fulfils you. Mention that he wont be happy if d reverse was d case. IF YOU DNT TALK ABOUT IT, HE MAY NEVER KNOW WHAT HE IS DOING IS WRONG .

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  67. Girl, those are silly tricks to kick u out, Hell no! Not after seven years. I'll advice u talk to him about his new attitude and do a lot of digging to find out d ones he doesn't share with u, I know it's not easy but I Bet if u stick with him, he'll see no other person to talk to except YOU!

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