Monday, March 17, 2014

Reader's Mail: I Am Pregnant For My Uncle

Please I will like to remain anonymous. Please Ladun, this is very urgent.

Ladun, I am a 19 year old lady. My parents have been separated since I was about 8, and I’m an only child. Since I was about 12 years old, I have been engaging in a s*xual affair with my mother’s younger brother who lives with us. When it started initially, it scared me a lot, and when I told my mum, she dismissed my report and accused me of making it up, I even got shouted at for trying to ’ spoil his name’.

Afterwards, I began to enjoy being with him, I was young, so the little treats he would give me made me feel like he genuinely loved me as he claimed. He was responsible for picking me up from school and I would be home alone with him, whilst I did my homework, he would touch me and I was vulnerable so I responded, and  even performed oral s*x on him, and I would promise not to tell anybody because nobody would believe me.


At 16, I moved away to boarding school and found that when I left, I missed him a lot, the way he made me feel, the things he said, the way he touched me, the excitement of the secret. I would come home on the holidays excited to see him, and through the holidays, it would continue, sometimes I even initiated it. On one Christmas holiday, I lost my virginity to him. After that, I genuinely felt like I loved him.

I convinced my parents to allow me move back home to attend a day school, and when I did, it just continued. I have never had such strong feelings for any other guy, and whenever I have seen him with women, I’m enraged. To get to the point of this email, I am now in university, and I am still involved in this relationship, I am not dating and none of my friends know, but now, I am 6 weeks pregnant. I have never been pregnant before, and we usually use protection but I am and it could only be for him, because I have never been with anybody else.

I have informed him, and he accused me of sleeping around at university and insists that I get an abortion immediately, I can’t talk to anybody else about this and I am desperate for advice. I have cried, and prayed for forgiveness, and the idea of an abortion scares me, but I still find myself wanting to please my uncle, because a part of me really does love him. I also cannot bear the thought of tearing my family apart.

Should I tell somebody about this, or just get an abortion?

Please help.


Thank you.

100 comments:

  1. Get it evacuated. Don't be selfish, what are you going to tell d child? How will others treat the child? My 2cents.

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    1. Madam 19 years honestly, i dont blame u. Its ur mother's fault. She didn't do what she was meant to do at d right time and even blamed u on top.
      Anyway, you're too young to spoil your life at 19. I'll suggest u get rid of d pregnancy and move far far away frm that uncle. Desist from sleeping with him. He may have even jazzed u and u dnt know with dis one dt you're so in love with him and cnt do without his touch.
      Can u see that he even denied d pregnancy eventually? That's men 4 u. Sorry i know its not easy. Remove it and move on with your life. It is well.

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    2. Anyone who need my nude picture hit my name

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    3. Abortion is never the answer, Children are gift from God and this little baby growing in you. It is not his/her fault and no need terminating a life. You have prayed to God for forgiveness and he has forgiven you. You should keep the baby, if you dont want to raise he or her, then give the baby up for adoption, many people out there are looking for children. Your story seems like you were misled by your Uncle who is suppose to be the adult and responsible and your mother not believing you must have hurt. Your case seems like people that are held hostage and they get used to or start liking the person that held them captive. You need to talk to your Uncle and also forgive him, keep the baby and move on with your life. You have to be honest with your family too. I am sure they will forgive your Uncle and you and you move on, or if you dont want to telll your family then just keep the baby and dont tell anyone who the father is and give the baby up for adoption, I am sure there is a family out there that would love this child as their own. God will make a way, just pray about it and ask God to guide and direct your part and dont have any sort physical or sexual relationship with your Uncle, forgive him and tell him to act like an Uncle.

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    4. Do not have any evacuation, just tell your parents let them make the decision themselves
      Even if they want to get rid of it, they would know the best hospital to take you to, that will not lead to any complications in the future
      I for one cannever be in support of abortion so pls give that baby up for adoption, but pls inform your parents
      Its not your fault, I repeat not your fault
      May the love of Christ be with you as you do the right thing

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    5. Please i do not like abortion but please do not keep that pregnancy.....she is pregnant for her uncle, that alone is a sin...................................

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    6. Shebi wen pastor chris oyakilome said somtimes abortion is justiciable all of una won insult am die,u see,exactly wot he said,nd bak 2 d poster go 4 an abortion fast,it is an abomination,nd go 4 delivrance in mfm,u seriously need 2 cut dat devilish bond btwn u nd ur devlish nd wiked uncle*yuck*#breathing fast#

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    7. Anon 18:30, i disagree with you. I dont support abortion either but in this case she should abort the baby. Since you want to bring God into this, do you not know that the child that was the product of the union between David and uriah's wife died? God killed him after he forgave David, in as much as that was a case of adultery he still died, how much more incest.

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    8. Abortion is not an option

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  2. Ha ladun this one pass me

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    1. This is incest, stop sleeping with him immediately before God's wrath descends on u both, then move on with ur life now, forget him cos u can never get married so u r just punishing urself and ur future, he doesn't love u or like u, he doesn't mean well for u, God will punish him for deceiving u, tell ur mum d whole truth, ds time she'll believe u with pregnancy she'll help u stop

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    2. In fact am disgusted that this topic is up for debate. Wo poster, if aborting this pregnancy is what would kill u, it's better to die than to bring gross impudence upon urself and entire lineage. Yes I said it, would rather die aborting the nonsense. What rubbish are we even talking here? Am out jor

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    3. Sunshine, or whatever other razz name you're called. Just keep quiet. This young girl doesn't need to read your rants of frustration. The irony of your name and the shit you're saying is disturbing. Thanks, okay?

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    4. Anon 19:16. Oh welcome fool. Concentrate on the so called 'razzness' that sunshine means to your already gloomy life....but I maintain my position on the matter ok? And trying to shut me up won't do a damn thing because I am not one to be bullied on the blogosphere. I repeat she should fucking remove the nonsense in her belly, instead of launching a pity party here. It is people like u that make the world difficult, because u condone absolute thrash and u keep multiplying ur incessant behaviours.....and then u try to gloss over words to fine tune the nonsense. Your over sabi self, what solutions have u proffered the young lady, other than to call your entire lineage razz? Empty barrel is what u are. Charity begins at home. Which I am sure is lacking in u. Ladun pls post my comment to this Fool

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    5. Sunshine yes? I believe the word is 'trash'. Now, considering that you have such high opinions on what constitutes cyber bullying, your response is very hypocritical. I believe what Anon 19:16 was trying to say, albeit saucily, was that regardless of the fact that this girl consented as an adult, as a child she was neglected, and if you have any knowledge of abused children, you'd know that they grow up in a similar pattern. So this case is not one of launching a pity party, or condoning absolute 'thrash', its about a young girl of 19, asking the public for CONSTRUCTIVE advice on what to do in a desperate situation. You haven't been in that space, so you cant specifically say what you will do, so saying things like 'if aborting this pregnancy is what would kill u, it's better to die than to bring gross impudence upon urself and entire lineage' is not just insensitive, and powerful, its bullying. Charity does begin at home - watch your words.

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    6. Anon14:58. Again I'll reiterate that my stance on this matter is unshaken. I believe that 'constructive' advice should come along after the adviser, (in this case me)...has put his or her self in the situation...before issuing anything. That is when an unbiased advice van be properly given without prejudice. Hence I said, if this was me, I would rather die aborting the pregnancy right. That is exactly what I would do. That is my take on the matter
      It may seem rather brash or unreasonable, but we cannot all align with matters arising. Now I have in no way shape or form accused this young lady of immorality, as it is obvious she found herself in this predicament because of neglect from all and sundry,by her mother especially. However, the deed as been done and this is not the time to lecture her about how grossly incompetent her mother is or was. She is pregnant, what will she do?
      Keep the baby and then what? Are u even sure she can be a good mother to her child, better than her own mother was to her? Will she live to hate this child or perhaps abandon him/her too? U all are talking about now now now, which of u would be there for her later in life? Yea, talk is cheap. But having this baby will not in anyway save her from her horrid past, rather it will be a perpetual tag that will follow her for the rest of her life. Without the child, she can still heal psychologically and move on easily. Watch my words? No...i maintain my earlier position. Like it or leave it.

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  3. And na one man go still come marry this one. you women are devilish ooo

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    1. AVID BLOG READER17 March, 2014 18:53

      You are a mega moron!!!!! A child was raped and thrown to the wolf by her own mother and you are saying she is devilish. You must be a rapist yourself. Low life effer!

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    2. You are an evil person. She was raped and her mother refused to protect her. How dare you judge her??? Demon like you

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    3. no be woman go marry the man. the way some people think eh. women have suffered in this our Nigeria.

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    4. what do you mean women are devilish , did you not read the girl story. she was raped by her own uncle, a young girl. she told her mum and her mum ignored her.

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    5. Abeg wher una read reap? I bow to una oo.. she should keep the child and live with the pain for the rest of her life.. stop blaming her mum.. she also played her role ther.. abortion is murder.. may the lord hav mercy on her..

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    6. Thank u Jasmyn...me sef dey woinder where rape emanated from. did u pple not read where she said he only used to touch her, and sometimes she initiated it? But started to av proper sex with him later when she got to uni? There was no rape recorded here o biko. The mother caused it becos she didn't act when the girl told her. That's why the mother is foolish.

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    7. Sunshine and Jasmyn : u guys r ignorant

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    8. AVID BLOG READER18 March, 2014 15:29

      Obviously you all are not aware of what child molestation is. When an adult sleeps with a child, it is called rape. Why are some Nigerians so devoid of empathy and so myopic? You all are so messed up!

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    9. Sunshine and Jasmyn - you will both have kids one day, put yourself in her shoes, if abuse is all youve ever known, if abuse has been presented to you as true love from childhood, would you say it is or ist rape? stupidity is a disease!

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    10. Oh excuse me pls. I agreed on the basis that she called it 'rape'. I am not one who reads and takes everything hook line and sinker. That u all agree with a thing doesn't mean that I should, ok? Calling pple names because they do not share ur opinion is rather weak and distasteful. Every one has a right to critically examine matters. I am not condoning this affair with the uncle. And from the girls writeup she sounds an intelligent girl. So she knows what she's doing now, unlike before when she was vulnerable. Which her mother should be criticised for. She knew the act was wrong, that was why she reported to her mother. So why did she continue even when she got to uni? Now she's debating her shameful pregnancy, and u lot are here saying we fmdont have empathy for her?? Yes she was abused as a child. But not when she became a full consenting adult. Let's be clear please.

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  4. Go and tell your mother. I am sure she will believe you now

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    1. Lol....harsh but funny

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    2. Truth! Time for her to pay for the neglect!

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    3. Yea, true talk, but plssssss don't abort
      pls visit www.blogsvila.blogspot.com

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    4. Exactly you cant afford to abort

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  5. Replies
    1. I curse ur uncle today dat he will never enjoy is future! U were gullible n silly at dsame tme. Mark m words,f u don't stop ds act wt I'm.u both wil end up runed n in shame b4 ds year runs out. Stop it now dear n avoid d wrath of God.

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    2. She wasn't silly. Its †ђε mother who is. She was a child. Parents separated wen she was 8!!! No time to train †ђε girl prior to †ђε separation cos der must hv been years of fights wen she was neglected. After †ђε divorce, its obvious no one cared about her. †ђε mother should be shot!!

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  6. You have a gullible mother. May God protect us from such women. This would have stopped if she believed you when it started

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  7. I will never leave any of my daughters with any relation. Either male or female This is an eye opener

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    1. Even male...I had an Aunty introduce me to sex, she preferred orally but didn't mind penetration too. She eventually cooled off. I guess she was just in serious heat those times. This may sound weird but I thank God that I myself didn't get carried away by her sexual whims and wanting more of the forbidden fruit.

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    2. Thank God for u
      pls visit www.blogsvila.blogspot.com

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  8. You better abort ur pregnancy, if not it will ruin your carrier in life. Not only tearing your family apart, your uncle cannot marry u. U will later in life regret it. As a university student, u better complete ur education, so that u will not be a complete nuisance in the future. And make sure u call it off with that ur uncle . let him have another lady outside there, and u look for a neutral person that is not your relatives. It is a taboo to go incest. pray for forgiveness of your sin and focus on God only. God is the elshaddai. He will always provide for u. and meet u at the point of your needs. Amen.

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  9. Sweeryy dnt tel any one look 4 gud gyni to abort it

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  10. O ma ga oooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  11. What a pity! my dear when this affair began you were innocent and you had your innocence robbed from you by your uncle who should have been one of those who would protect your innocence. Instead your uncle is the very devil that has abused you and now discarded you. Only you now has to bear the burden of the abuse you suffered. What if you have the abortion at the cost of your life? or at the cost of your ability to have children in the future? Your uncle should not go scott free for this.

    You mother also should have listened to you when you turned to her for help. I am truly saddened that you and countless other girls have to go through this kind of dilemma due to abuse and betrayal by those in their lives who were meant to protect them.

    Personally I am anti abortion, but this situation is very tricky. What of adoption? I would tell your mother about it. You are the victim here and you were wronged by so many. You should not be alone and punished for what was not your own wrong doing.

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  12. So many little girls in Nigeria are being deprived of a normal childhood. If it is not divorcing parents, its child molesters. i don't blame the girl because she is apparently naive.
    Let Girls be Girls, Please!

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  13. The answer you need lies in your hands. Am sure you know what to do...

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  14. Hian.....na wa o.....well now u know his love ain't real. so help yourself, talk to ur mom. Abortion can go either way. You could lose ur life or ur womb or nothing. Only God knows. Talk to ur mom or someone sha. I no know wetin to talk. Dis one pass me wella o

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  15. i no go blame u cos u wre quite young buh hmmmm u cant get pregnant for ur bladd and u also need to tell ur mum and get an abortion oo buh pls go to a gud clinic to avoid any mishap...

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  16. Since your mum dismissed ur initial concerns, let her deal with it

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  17. Get that abortion from a professional doctor quickly. Don't waste anymore time.. It's a sin but you have to commit this one and ask for forgiveness from God. You just can't have that child now. Also don't tell anyone..

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    1. Stupid dumb bitch. Are your your nieces are safe with you?

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    2. Pls she shld tell her mum now.so she can learn to trust her kids and blv everything a child says and also know how to Takia of her kids and be there for them when they need her.d mother can now decide for her if she should go ahead with the abortion.

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    3. opeyemi is so right, u cant ve dat child, pls get an abortion fast from a good hospital b/4 it gets too late moreova any child dat hasnt been brought to life hasnt been killed

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  18. Even if u are going to abort it,u still have to tell ur parents with evidence dat u ve bin engaging in sexual acts with him so dat dey can put an end to it. If u refuses to report,sorry to tell u dat u shuld prepare for d worse and it might jeopardize ur future....

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  19. you need to see a psychologist. Secondly, you are not inlove..you have mixed and confused feelings with u mistake for love. 'Love' does not molest an 8yrs old or sleep with a 16yrs old. You have been abused emotionally and physicially and unfortunately you grew up believin this is love because this is all you have ever known. Speak to someone you can trust and confide in, obviously not your family because hey definitely will not be very helpful based on what u have said. Pray the Grace of God be with u.

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  20. This one pass me too o

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  21. you are in deep shit, trust me.... first you must ensure you cut all ties with that good for nothing uncle of yours, second you must sink it into your head that what you feel for that pig is NOT LOVE but that you where abused as a child. then you need to pray to God for forgiveness. i cant advise you to do an abortion but i also will never tell you to keep the child. that child will never forgive you.

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  22. please do abortion. This is a terrible and disgrace thing your mum and uncle spoil your life.

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  23. Congrat girl.

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  24. Human life is sacred no matter what. You need to tell your family what is going on. No one outside your family needs to know the paternity of the child.

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  25. @I am a fan, lol. Speechless right? All I have to say is that abortion is not an option for me because you will only compound the issue. Just ask God for forgiveness, genuinely repent, and move away to a place where you will not be known by anyone. Start life all over again. God will help you.

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  26. Go n buy misoprostol and insert it in ur vagina. D baby will remove. Dnt bring a child into ds world and make him suffer.

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    1. 10000 likes

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    2. Looool 1M likes!

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    3. gbam, drink two and insert two quickly

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    4. my dear trust mi dat misoprostol shit aint gonna work you ll just bleed but the foetos ll still be der plss go to a very good clinic and get rid of it

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  27. You must be a real fool born from a foolish parentsidiot

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  28. Pls get an abortion and end the affair. Pls. Its not normal and hes a peadophile.

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  29. Wow,this is serious,this one na incest, please think of the baby and abort it.

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  30. At least your mother would believe you now, what a negligent and not so smart mother! how can you just dismiss the claims of your 12 year old daughter that she's been touched inappropriately by an uncle. Hmnnnn

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  31. Ma dear!jus take it dat u ve made a very big mistake,pray 4 4giveness!take de risk,go 4 an abortion it doesn't kill,if u are out of dis mess,u better wise up!!!

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  32. It's really hard but then Have your Child,and must end the relationship,the child should not be punished for your abominable act,if you don't want the child give it up for adoption. PLS DONT KILL. and if you do young lady,you will never stop the incest and you will keep aborting innocent babies.pls see a professional counsellor.

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  33. Be gentle at all times and appreciate your kind creature.... You getting pregnant--am sure is destined to come and pass.....and the main aspect is this: not knowing the child in your womb will be the president one day; base on the gift that might be inside him. .. ! Advice: never abort a child because it also simplify as Murder.....

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  34. First of all i blame ur mother, she is the cause of all these, if she had done something abt it then u wouldn't be in this situation. Now my advice....have a one on one discussion with ur mum and tell her everything and i mean everything, then abort the baby and make sure u stay very far away from ur uncle. I know wat is gonna happen next, u'll be hurt, u'll be depressed, u'll be mad at the world, u'll want to ease of the pain and put it all behind u which is ok, BUT dn't do it the wrong way, dn't get into any bad habits no matter the temptation and how good it makes u feel, always remember ur body is ur most valuable possesion, respect it and allow no one to disrespect it....why am i saying all these? I have been there before, the same story as urs and i was 19 too. Am 25yrs old now and am much wiser and stronger, u'll get there.

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  35. May the Lord ave mercy over U

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  36. He/she could be a president one day or be born with a genetic birth defect from inbreeding. The choice is yours to make because you are now an adult.

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  37. LOOL.... At 16 you went to Boarding School, now you are 19 and in the University, doesnt add up

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    1. Wat doesn't add up there?wat if she went to boarding school @ d latter part of her secondary school?na u be d mumu oversabi

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    2. she was in day school then transferred to boarding...now shes in uni...it adds up!

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  38. I do not support abortion

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  39. IN as much as I am annoyed with your so called uncle who is supposed to have protected you from any assault or abuse,you are partly to blame for getting emotionally attached to the animal.(your uncle).Your mum,i wouldn't blame her totally because unlike us younger mums our mothers would find things like this very hard to believe and that their own blood could betray them.Having said that please,for your own sanity,and peace in the future,abort the baby and cut all ties with your uncle.Keep or print this article,comments and records from hospital as proof in the future in case he denies,Only GOD can heal you emotionally and physically. For him to have said you were sleeping around was very wrong.Please,you don't need to make any confession to any pastor or any friend but JESUS, whose blood can wash away any sin.If you decide to keep the pregnancy,all is well if you know you can handle your family.Shallom

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    1. A beg abeg abeg, our mothers will believe us, these our mum's are not naive and very wise. Before something happens now it has happened in their time, the difference is they can hide things better and at the same time deal with things better. I had a best friend growing up, one of her uncles was a product of incest, 2 cousins sleeping together but her grand parents claimed he was their child.
      My point is her mother was just a careless one, sometimes women are saddled with a child to look after all alone, it's not easy but she should have listened.

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  40. What would the child called? Better go abort that sin and move on with ur life

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  41. AVID BLOG READER17 March, 2014 18:57

    As a mum myself I am so appalled by your mum's dismissal. I feel so sorry for you because you were raped and left alone to deal with it. Your abuser made you fall for him so you are in a very precarious situation. Sweetie, abortion is bad but you will regret having this child for the rest of your life. Do not do this to this child. The society you live in will condemn you for it and make you the villain. Find a trust worthy adult (not your mother please) and confide in them. Good luck

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  42. Allahu Akbar!

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  43. Its a fake story I hv no comment on this po

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    1. how can you simply comment that its a fake story? things like this happen everyday! you should be ashamed of yourself for being so judgemental! you should say nothing if you have nothing constructive to say. dummy!

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  44. My dear I'm against abortion but in this case the embryo u r carrying is a product of incest, a taboo....pls don't bring a child into this world under such circumstances. Ur mother's negligence and carelessness caused you to be defiled by a sadistic man, a paedophile. You need to speak to someone one on one about this and stay away from that man. Don't go to a quack Dr for abortion o!
    omalichaspeaks.blogspot.com

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  45. y re mothers always like dat, wen an uncle of mine always lookd 4 ways nd opportunity 2 sleep wit me, i told my mum nd she did not believe. Tank God 4 wisdom, jst go to God sincerely nd he wud tell u wat 2 do

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  46. I had a similar experience wt my dad's Nephew wen I was abt 7,& my Mother in her busy schedule (though didn't believe me too) buh kept her eyes & ears wide open to get him redhanded. Firstly, ur mum isn't worthy to be called a Mother, no wonder she couldn't stand up to her marriage. She is a disgrace & a failure to Motherhood. She started it all by ruining ur life, then ur Uncle (an animal in human form) needs to be stoned to death. As for u, abortion isn't d next on d agenda, adoption is better. Just look up to God and let Him take d wheel, He will see u through. U confess ur sins and don't go back to it again. Let God judge dat woman u call a mother dat cannot take care of just a girl & dat animal u call an uncle. God be wt u

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  47. hmmmm people say they are against abortion yet they still advice u to get rid of it. i dnt get u people. YOU CANNOT SIN AND USE ANOTHER SIN TO COVER IT UP...PLSSS. it doesn't work that way. stop advising her to abort becos its a taboo or whatever. to the lady involved stay away from your uncle. you ve been forgiven since u ve asked God to forgive u. Ask God to remove that pregnancy for u. DO NOT ABORT.

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    1. God is a merciful God, if she aborts and asks for forgiveness he will forgive her, mind u weather she kills or keeps it, a singular act of lie can take u to hell

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  48. abeg go comot dat tin wey u carry, afterwards ask God for forgiveness and start a fresh life.....he's a merciful God and there's none without sin

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  49. Sandra 09:20. If u were to be in her shoe would u deliver the baby, and tell ur family the truth: am sure u wont wanna do that. in this case abortion is the best for peace to reign and make up ur mind never in ur life to indulge in such again. the baby if born would be trauma to her and d family. the baby sef when he grows would b shame to himself. abeg get rid of it.

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  50. I don't blame you one bit...
    Your uncle took advantage of you and abused you as a little girl...
    Stop talking about loving him, please!
    And I like being realistic in difficult situations like this....
    Besides I think you know what to do...
    Go and see a very qualified O & G specialist right away, before it is too late.....
    And follow your gut feeling!!!!!!!

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