Thursday, June 26, 2014

Reader's Mail: My Husband Made Me Sleep With A Male Colleague Last Week

Hi Ladun,
   
I have a problem and I need advice from fellow readers of your blog. I got married to my husband in the year 2011 and our marriage has been consummated with a girl child. Our marriage was working smoothly until my husband got an offshore job to work with an oil servicing firm based in port Harcourt last year June.

Ever since then, he hardly comes home. Most times he comes home just for the weekend once in two months and even when he comes he hardly touches me. I have spoken to him about this and he keeps telling me it's because of the stressful nature of his work. Continue below.

  
I am tired of having to tend to the baby at night alone and things got a head last week when hormones got the better of me and I ended up sleeping with a male colleague of mine at work.

Ever since this incident, I have been contemplating divorce because my husband led me into this shameful act.
  
I would have loved to relocate from Lagos to Port Harcourt to be with him but he claims he works offshore most of the time.
 

Please your constructive advice is needed on how to handle this issue because I know this will not only benefit me but also several women in the same situation. Thank you.

79 comments:

  1. Ashewo! constructive advice ko, constructive advice nii. Mcheeww Iberibe

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    1. He's seen someone else....Dat's it....

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    2. Who the hell are u to judge her? Heaven only knows the number of men u will have slept with, if it were u that was in her shoes. Sort ur marriage my dear, divorce is never an option. Take care

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    3. i feel u dear cos i have been in similar situation..but it has not reached divorce time yet...i knw u were pushed into this bcos of neglect and i believe u also hav a conscience unlike our men..i advice u to have a heart to heart talk again with him don't confess about your affair o..jus tell him that the marriage is in trouble bcos of his neglect and dat u want to relocate to ph to help reconciliation... you can involve a friend of his whom he respects and please pray because God can fix whatever is broken. good luck

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    4. Laduns biggest fan26 June, 2014 11:06

      Anonymous 26 June, 2014 07:53 - let me break down your response to the anon you replied to.

      Who the hell are you to judge her? The poster asked for constructive advice. Isn't it obvious she will be judged on this post? If she didn't want to be judged she would have kept quiet.

      Heaven only knows the number of men you will have slept with, if it were you that was in her shoes...You see, you have now judged someone. Even though you started off with a question about not judging.

      Sort your marriage my dear, divorce is never an option...You have now given judgement.

      Who said divorce isn't an option? If she's a Christian she needs to read the Bible and understand what the Bible says about divorce. What if her husband finds out and wants to divorce her based on what the Bible says?

      Before you question people who are judging, look at yourself with the type(s) of comment(s) you make. Pots, kettles, black!

      We all judge, so deal with it.

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    5. Sex na food. haha. Pls go for deliverance. Some Women can even wait for a whole year. You made a huge mistake that will hunt you forever. Don't ever confess to him, only confess to God and truly repent. God has been helping me to stay because i don't even think of Infidelity and i don't masturbate either. Its not easy but you can if you have the fear of God.

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    6. At least people like you should learn to keep quite keep quite if you have nothing to say other than abuse people here. try & watch the movie "A good man is hard to find" to see how much neglect can push a woman out. Although i do not justify the act but a way out is what she require now and this way out will definitely involve your husband.

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  2. Have a heart to heart talk with your hubby. Find out if he is still interested in the marriage. If he is, work it out with him...I don't advise divorce dear...It can be rough..

    Mayowa

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  3. Laduns biggest fan26 June, 2014 01:38

    Who concocted that headline? After reading the story, shame on whoever concocted it.

    You slept with someone else of your own volition. Don't you have other things to occupy your mind apart from sex? Deal with whatever consequences come your way. Divorce, more adultery, an open marriage etc. Good luck.

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    1. Gbam. I thought the headline was misleading too after I read the story. But am not interested. Ok bye.

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  4. Why are you feeling guilty? You know he has girlfriends in port harcourt and doing the same thing you're doing.

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    1. When did she start doing it? She only did it once and she is already feeling guilty so shut up

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    2. Sharap jare @Anonymous26 June, 2014 09:14, se u have not heard of 'once debe forever debe ni'. Buh then again i will advice her to talk to her boo and work it out.

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  5. Your husband is cheating on you with another woman or man period.

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  6. Why are you feeling guilty? You know he has girlfriends in port harcourt and doing the same thing you're doing.

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  7. Women tend to ask questions the already know the answer to. so this lady know what is going on but her stupid mentality don't want her to accept the reality. your husband is either gay or he is in a serious relationship with another woman.

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  8. Shame on you! There's no justification whatsoever for your actions...you'll always look for excuses for sleeping around..what a shame!

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    1. Nigerians and their destructive and judgmental opinions. your comment is the reason so many frustrated pple give up on their lives and tend towards committing suicide. can we all just stop cyber bullying for once? This lady may not have taken the right decision in her marriage, but how many of you know what she must have been through before considering that option, that's not to say however, that I'm in support, but as it is, this lady does not need any more criticisms to feel as though she murdered someone. y'all do worse things in your closet. To my dear sister in need of advice, please speak to God who knows everything and ask him for forgiveness, then talk to your husband about it, ask God for wisdom to present the matter to your husband in the most reasonable way. Your husband has his fault too and he should be ready to forgive u. You only need God's intervention to make your marriage work again. PRAY! PRAY!! and PRAY!!!

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  9. hehe!! madam relocate fast if u still want ur marriage to work...portharcourt girls bad like kilode....wont be surprised if ur hubby dey camp one for house...hehehe!!

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    1. yes o...and I'm a ph girl lol

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  10. I feel your plight madam, but I will appeal to you not to chose divorce as a solution. I think your husband need to be advised, if only He will listen. An offshore worker should be able to relocate His family to proxy of his offshore base like PH, so for me isnt an acceptable excuse. But I will like to discuss further with Him about my opinion if possible, so as not to get you engrossed in much anger.
    But for your action of sleeping with your colleague, I think you hv gone too far. I will beg u not to repeat it again, I understand you are human and gat some hormones, but pls for the sake of marital vows, I will advise you deceased from such act. If your wedding was held in the church, then kindly call the attention of the Man of God, otherwise kindly call your husband to order. Make him know that His attitude will lead the marriage to a divorce. And that He either decide to relocate the family to PH or consider the marriage not working.
    Another advise is for you to findout the name of the company that he works with, and further findout the nature of the said job. Bcos for me there is no Job in offshore that can completely deprive a married man from His family, accept if the Man is not telling the truth.
    From all experience gathered, I am sorry to say this and pls dont go more nasty at Him. You are gradually losing Him, if you dont take a decisive action ASAP. But not to go flirting again.
    I just hope He understands and take another turn to amend His family as his number one priority and not the Job. My eldest sister surfer same from His husband too. She had to carry her 4-kids to the location of His husband shallow shore site, only to discovered that, His husband have 3-kids already with another woman there.
    Madam pls dont go naughty with Him, just use wisdom to revert your family out of the impending danger.

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    1. God bless you!!Gbamest comment everybody be actin all holy holy..u think its easy??poster talk with ur husband and let him know the situation period .

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    2. God bless u a thousand fold, u will live long for this..........most intelligent comment ever. @poster if i were u i'll do exactly wat this anon said

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  11. Hmmmm...In as much as I sincerely feel your pain, I must tell you that its not enough reason for you to sleep with another man!

    The truth is that you might possibily have opened up on your concerns to that colleague, gotten emotionally attached to him and then allowed your body without reasoning on the possible consequences of your actions.

    Its the worst thing you could do to yourself,your marriage and even the future of your son.

    Having said that, I'd advice you to sincerly ask God for forgiveness, do a test and have a heart to heart talk with your husband. Pray for your husband and marriage, asking God to intervenes and save yoir marriage.

    Don't open up to any male friend, rather pour your heart and emotions out to God. The true relationship that gets us going in life is not a sexual laced relationship but the one we have with God.

    Are you working?
    Get more busy with your work, your child and engage in some social ans charitable work. It will help take your mind off for the period of this issue while you hopefully and faithfully believe God for a change.

    My dear, an understanding of the consequences attached to adultery will make you fleeeeeeeee!

    Get the counsels of a mature female friend or mother. Are you a Christian? Confide in your Pastor. And above all, believe that God can indeed turn the situation around for your good if you stick to him.

    Your husband should never be the reason for you to act in a terrible manner like this! We all should and will be held responsible for our actions.

    God protect your home in Jesus name.

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  12. An idiot that wont take responsibility for her action, that's what you her. What happened to sex toys if things are that bad? Shameful woman

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    1. U didn't have to call her an idiot.stop acting like a saint

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    2. Let he without a sin be the first to cast teh stone. Hypocrites

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  13. you need to pray and ask God to forgive you first and than your husband also to forgive you as well.Stay away from that your colleague.Once your husband knows that his work has done this harm to his marriage, he will also make some corrections if he really love and respect his family.

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  14. Swthart dn't break ur marriage, if u hv a reliable mentor who's a man of God, meet him explain all dis to him, and let him arrange meeting with ur husband to talk sense into him,I guess u really love ur husband ds y u married him, he hs to get u a huz in ph, so dt as soon as he comes out frm dt der offshore u guys can be together, another thin go on fasting ask God for forgiveness I knw u feel guilty, also avoid dt guy u had sex with,

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  15. Madam ask God 4 forgivness nd stop d shameful act immediatly cos it wil destroy ur marriage
    hv a heart to heart talk wit ur hubby...tell him wat u feel..pour ur hrt out..nd u guyz should agree on how to sooth d relocation prblm

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  16. Some men were born cheats

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    1. You do realize the poster is female right? Or are we talking about the guy she slept with here?? I dont know how women can be feminist , that alone can encourage other women to go do shit.. I am a woman and I will tell you , women we sometimes push ourselves or others to do whatever like its cool.. Be responsible for your actions and never blame anybody for stealing , lying , cheating and all that.. We will eventually face the consequences of every action we make , let him face his own.. WHAT IF THE MAN IS THERE AND JUST REALLY BUSY WITH WORK TRYING TO MAKE THINGS BETTER FOR HIM AND HIS WIFE?

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  17. Stop sleeping with him and ask someone who your husband respects to talk to him

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  18. ur hubby works offshore and most times he comes back one weekend in two month and he will not touch you due to stress. My dear no company stress there workers like dat @ least he have 2weeks off 2months in.He is not being faithful,and I think he has no feeling 4 you anymore. Becareful and find out if he is actual going for offshore and increase the frequence of your prayers because there is problem.Don't kill urself u have made a mistake buh make sure it won't happen again. Remember two wrongs can't make a right ,don't think of divorce unless your feelings for him too is dead. But I will advice you to stay married , show him love more , call him more often, send him text ,communication is very vital,discuss with me ,tell him how you feel ,bring him back 2 his sense,unless his not your man. And above all pray,don't go about complaing to famliy and friend yet. A wise woman builds her home.be wise don't do because you suyspect that what his doing.

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    1. Dont listen to this one o..don't call him, act like you're not bothered and watch him come back

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    2. My o my!!! @ anon 09:08 u got me cracking so hard! U must be one doped headed girl.

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  19. Trust me, as a relationship, marriage and sex counselor its so obvious dat u have made up ur mind. Divorce is just a temporary solution. Look at the bigger picture, am very sure you don't act right to lure ur man to bed. Do u say d rite words and act rite? Wish we can also hear from ur huzi. Side of ths story.. Well, good luck to whatever decision you finally settle for.. 2A449CF6

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  20. Most of you are saying she is wrong because you think love exists between them. Im married and I cheat on my husband because I can’t help it. Bad sex, uncaring attitude, what am I supposed to do? Live a boring and lonely life? Abegii, anyone that curses me shall be cursed.

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    1. There's no need to curse u other than to tell u the simple truth ,I don't know if u've got kids or not but madam u are nothing but a HOE ,Nigerians always rushing into marrige forgetting that it isn't for everyone ,Been independent is what a lot of females lack in nigeria that's y they find it hard to tk care of emselves in other words they need a man to do so,Bad sex uncaring attitude if those r ur reasons then u aint fit to be a wife or mother ...

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    2. Btw u av already cursed urself n ur future ,Cursing u here will be a waste of time seek God.

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    3. Ride on sister!i am married too nd my husband turned into expectin me 2 beg him 4 sex,nd wen he finally does nko,boring as hell..now some mofo will blame me 4 cheating!!God punish dat person!let dese so called husbands keep decievn demselves!!God r d days!!msheeeeeeew

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    4. Francis you shall be cursed the day you get married and start cheating on your wife. Wait till you get married and come back to write this same comment, Anuofia

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    5. Seconded!!u r an idiot Francis or wateva u call urself,go on and keep cheating on ur wife wen u get married u hear?den expect her 2 keep bein d fool!!una neva see anytin...do u kno ow many of dese useless men dat end up fatherin children dat r not deirs?now dats wat u push a woman into!keep treatn ur woman like a trash can nd expect her 2 b a mumu 4 u!!IDIOT

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    6. Why do we women do this ? Did someone force you to marry ? Was the sex not boring before you married him ? Instead of you to work and build an empire for yourself , you rushed into marriage now you are blaming your hubby for fucking up and down .. If you carry HIV from there now who go blame?

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    7. I do not av a wife n I am certainly not seeking mannerless cowards as a wife like yall who av to comment under anonymous to proove a point,If u hoe ass femles weren't ashamed of urselves n ur lives yall won't be leaving commens here under anonymous its simply cos the shameless life yall live won't let yall do so.I don't insult people n will never I only state facts buh I guess since yall r d matured n married ones its quite evident n I repeat yall are HOES n its unfortunate ya husbands made ya housewives am an eligible bachelor and I am certainly not in a hurry to get married especially not to u hypocrite nigerian females .

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    8. So cos ur husband has refused to touch u means he is in a serious relationship with another woman in Ph ba ? U see how the female brain works so dumb I'd say, what is ur proof ? Av u gone on a surprise trip down there to catch him? Or tried to find a means to know for sure that he is cheating on u? If u kee listening to this HOE ass cowards that kee leaving comments under anonymous ur life will keep going astray ,Be sure and I mean 100 percent before u conclude , d guy wey straff u for work go jst de laugh everyday n na so another man go straff him wife wen him marry cos what goes around comes back around. Continue listening to these cowards that knos nothing other than to insult men on blogs under anonymous God is watching !!!

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    9. men th earlier u accept it the better why r yall so bitter! ur wife wld surely cheat on u someday somehow. what u give is what u get. ride on sis! women liberation tingz

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  21. My dear I know how u feel but all hope is not lost. Pls I'm begging u pls dnt make dat mistake of slpn with anybody again. In marriage u have to be patience wen things like dis happens dnt rush for marriage is all about love, patience, steadfast to mention but a few after. N again while taking ur vows u agreed to stay with him for better for worse so dnt leave now there is a little issue for wat makes u a better woman is wen u digest all worries n troubles dat comes ur way n yet u still satnd firm. Be patience n wait for the sun to rise again. Wen thinking of divorce, always remember ur daughter for no child wants to come frm a broken home so pls divorce is not an option. Wen ur husband returns again make him understand he's starving u of sex n pls dnt even think of him of having an affair in PH bcos dat will eventually kill. Always put in mind dat he's working bcos u neva can tell if truely he's always tired frm work. Pls always give God praises dat he always come home to see his family bcos some men dnt even remember their family and they dnt come home at all. This man still values his family dats y he made it a point of duty to visit u n ur daughter.. Remember be patience. If u re not working, u can tell him to open a shop for u to keep u busy. Leave him, dnt show him u are tired of d marriage, be strong.

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  22. You have started a dangerous journey for yourself and family, complete it.

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  23. Why has your hussy refused to touch you? Are you one of those women who let themselves go after a baby or two? Its possible your husband has someone else in Port Harcourt that's why he : 1. Doesn't touch you again, 2. Is discouraging you from moving to Port Harcourt. You could write off what happened with your colleague as one of those things, but please don't blame your husband for that. Its your fault learn to live with it. Do you want to divorce your husband so you will be free to sleep with whoever? Because then you will be truly alone. What happens when the hormones rage? Go get a man to scratch it? Or do you have another man standing by? What of your baby? Few men want to be bundled with another man's child. He could be making all the nice sounds you want to hear now but the minute you tell him 'hey, here I am, I am free' you will find he is no longer so keen. As a man (and no saint) I sometimes wonder why men deliberately target married women. I think they do it because they know they are not under any obligations since someone else will be responsible. Their 'partners' too would be unwilling to broadcast the relationship because of what they stand to lose.

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  24. You have started a dangerous journey for yourself and family, complete it.

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  25. I keep telling yall nigerian women r d biggest hypocrites , She said her husband made her sleep with her colleague @ work not even @ some hotel or @ d guyz house buh @ work after a daughter n u tell me u aint a HOE !!! Ur marriage just ended that's my advice , D man de work for offshore de try secure good future for u n ur child n u say hormones got the better of u damn ,So many men makin these hoes housewife's what a shame ,Bow ur head down in shame u avent even asked God for forgiveness.U av commited adultery which means u av broken one of God's commandments run to God first. Left to me if u were my wife d marrige would be over in a heartbeat

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    1. Mr Francis what about her obviously cheating husband...any "advice" for him...mtchwwwww

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    2. How exactly is it obvious? Have you caught him ?

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    3. I am a single guy n not interested in marrige unless mayb Gods sends me a female who isn't a hypocrite buh if u ask an older woman dis question she'll tell u this,Ur husband cheating doesn't give u any right to do so,If u do u aint any different from him in God's eyes .A woman who wants a successful marriage in this country will be more bothered about her husband coming home,I am not in anyway encouraging or supporting men who cheat but if that's ur reason for doing it then u aint any different from him,An adulterer,Payin him back by cheating dumbest thing to do.

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    4. how old are you again? or are your married?

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    5. HOES? Please remind me again, is your momma not a woman? Or you sister?

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    6. No, definitely not married!
      I noticed that it's flirts that gets pained the most when they hear women cheat!
      As long as a man is not impotent, there is no excuse for not sleeping with his wife once in 2 months!

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  26. Good to know you feel the quilt. My advice is you should relocate immediate to Ph. Once that is done, go down in prayer to God forgiveness and grace and never try it again. Your relocation will help you keep the distance from your office boyfriend. Your hubby is in a serious relationship here in ph but don't count it against him since you also need forgiveness from God. Accepting christ as your lord and saviour is the magic you need in your life. For all have sinned and come short......

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  27. Stop things are Better kept to your self.Everybody has a secret they will die with,this is one.Shut up and Find a way to move to PH

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    1. Gbam 8.40.
      Something's should be between you and God!
      Who is without sin should cast the first stone Jesus told the people who wanted to stone the adulteress.
      Woman! The decision. Is yours only to make because you wear the shoe and knows how it pinches.

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  28. first of all we are all humans of the flesh, and more the reason God forgives those who ask for forgiveness. all those blaming her if life was as easy as you all are making it sound adam and eve would never have eaten the forbidden fruit at a time the world was not even close to what we live in now. no matter the job a man under goes, he will always have the energy and time for family. your husband is not the first or the last to have an off shore job. my advise to you is to acquire knowledge by going to him when he is back from off shore and see for yourself what exactly is going on. if it is as he said then sit him down and tell him point blank the arrangement is not working for you. if he truly loves you he will come up with a better plan to suit your needs. cos a mans family is always more important than his job.

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  29. @Mz Daisy,Laduns biggest fan,enyone2050. You guys r der castigating dis woman i sure you people are worse and i am 101% sure u not married n u can't understand r plight.

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    1. Laduns biggest fan26 June, 2014 11:17

      Do you know what castigating means? If she didn't want to hear it, she should have kept quiet.

      If you want to read about my family life, go back to my old comments, you moron. You had better speak for yourself about being worse. I believe you are in the same shoes with this woman. Frigging cheat.

      BTW, next time you want to address me, type in proper English. Illiterate.

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  30. My parents pressurised me to get married at a certain time. I wanted to please them and gave in to a man I liked. My mother told me I will grow to love him. It only got worse. Our sex life is zero. He is boring as hell and would not accept he is a cheat. At a point in my ,life i was thinking of committing suicide, it was that bad and something told me to make myself happy. I started a new relationship and everything changed. Even my husband keeps asking me what has been making me happy lately, i told him it is my new job

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    1. Your parents pressurized you? Now would it have been better for you to say NO back then and be happy now ? I wonder how people say their parents pushed them into marriages.. Its funny how we women always blame other people for our own short comings.. You married him cause you wanted too and he was obviously the richest amongst the candidates.. Now are your parents the ones that are getting the pounding ? Its you , as happy as you think it is now .. Enjoy it cause even that one sef day use you..

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  31. My dear ll reader pls relocate 2 ph oh, cuz him fit dey camp Babe, as 4 u dat Francis ur just a big ass Cockroach!

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  32. Hmmmmmmmmm, see dat one sayin she doesn't masturbate! I dey hail oh! Stick. Mtcheeeew

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  33. He's your husband. You could a raped him sef! Nobody would have judged you. It was your choice to sleep with another man. Don't blame him for it! It's simply that you lust after another man. When you've had your fill, confess to God, and deal with the consequences

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  34. He is your husband, first and foremost try to find out if he is biologically okay. what if the man is impotent or have other problem that made him not to desire touching you in months? Whatever be the case, you have no justification to sleep with other men and don't blame the man for your action.
    It is equally important to point out that issues like this, we should put our self in the person's shoe and ask our self what our action would have been, assuming if it happen to us?.

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  35. Please is anyone saying the husband has not been sleeping with anyone? Or why is he not touching her even when he visit home? You do not deserve condemnation fro anyone. Is it not possible the man is HIV positive from his runs. Please talk things out with him and decided if you should stay married

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  36. Your husband is busy working offshore to make ends meet and cater for the family and you are over there having fun with your colleague in the name of being sex starved. Stop giving us that crappy excuse, you have been admiring your colleague. Grow up and be wise. You have your home to protect

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  37. Hyprovrirical beings! Always blaming the woman! She made a mistake! Poster invest in sex toys and satisfy yourself.

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  38. It is well. he who is without sin should cast the first stone. Madam please dont sin again, dont bother going to PH if you have no job too. A woman without a job in this day and age is doing herself harm. If your husband is really misbehaving there, ensure you hold your job in Lagos. dont say i didnt tell you. Please dont go around having sex with men lady; focus on your child and visit a toy shop. God bless you

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  39. Dear poster, I'm a guy with an experience in the offshore. Pls believe ur husband cos the work is that stressful sometimes reduces ones sexual performance. Maybe u should instigate sexual moves next time u're with him and make him arouse. Relocating to PH won't change anything bcos he's never gonna be around. U can even read up about offshore jobs then u'll understand beta. God help u dear. Pls don't tell him u cheated.

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  40. Husband??? Your PIMP more like. Use the correct title for him. Good luck!!!

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