Is Wizkid On Ice Again- Etcetera Writes

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Six weeks ago, I was in Benin City
to support a friend who was getting married that weekend. We drove down to
Ugbowo campus of UNIBEN, laughing along the way at bini guys and the way they
pronounce certain words. We got stuck in an unusual traffic jam and my friend
who was driving, took the opportunity to reply his pings, pausing only to turn
up the radio when Wizkid’s “In My Bed” came on. A few seconds later, he
increased the volume even more. I accepted that since I was in his car, I had
to endure his choice of songs. So I listened, trying to figure out why he was
interested in that particular song.

Though the melody has this
jingle-catchy feel, everything else about the song is horrible. The mix brought
to mind those days when Nigerian studio engineers were still learning how to
mix. The overall instrumentation is noisy with the kick pitched high, like a
headache. Played on F-sharp minor, which is a predominantly high key for most
people, but the struggling syncopation over a lazy bass line weighs the whole
song relentlessly down.
My friends know that I have a
crazy physical reaction to songs, mostly when I love it. In this instance, I
was gasping for breath by the end, as if the song was trying to strangle me. I
thanked God I was still alive when it finally ended. But as the traffic
lingered my friend put down his phone, this time to surf through radio
stations. Again, he landed on “In My Bed.” That was when I really got scared,
thinking I was going to pass out.
This year, we have had a mix of
both good and bad songs. Wizkid’s “In my bed” is one of those ear worms you
don’t want to get into your brain space for three minutes and 46 seconds. Those
who will say “WTF” is Etcetera saying? I want you to note that I have a zero
interest in persuading you to agree with me. If you enjoy “In My Bed,” I won’t
dream of changing your mind. I heard it again last weekend at my manager’s
party, and for a second, I thought it was some kind of pain killer advert, because
the radio station where I have my show, currently runs an ad that sounds like a
more palatable version of it.
My Christmas day was almost ruined
when a caller on my show requested “In My Bed” for his girlfriend. Because
Christmas only comes once in a year, I decided to grant her wish, but as soon
as I clicked play, I had the sort of physical reaction associated with someone
suddenly coming in contact with bees. And before my mind could process what was
happening, I hammered the stop button quickly, arrgh! If you are one of those
who regard this song as a standard club track with all the necessary “thumps
and bumps” and you are angry at my loathing of it, it doesn’t bother me at all.
I have fantasised for weeks about punching this song in the eye, but unfortunately,
the song doesn’t have a head, talkless of eyes.
How can one song cram in so many
failed decisions per minute? One minute you are trying to woo a girl into your
bed, the next, you are saying Tinubu eleniyan, Fashola eleniyan. What has
Tinubu eleniyan got to do with getting her in your bed? Are you pimping her to
Tinubu or to the other names you mentioned in the song? There’s nothing wrong
with praise singing if you do it right. “In My Bed” sounds like a guy trying so
hard to get it right and therefore getting it all wrong. You packed in the same
overused lines “Anywhere I go all my people show me love / And people trying to
bad mouth me. Don’t you think by now, we’ve heard enough of your sniffy little
screech of being chased by enemies? It is boring already.

Even a connoisseur of pop trash
won’t find anything to like about a song like this. “In My Bed” is one song you
don’t need to know the lyrics, you may want to shield your friends and loved
ones from its strange concoction. It is indeed the worse song of this or any
other year. Oh sorry, this year is not over yet, so it’s theoretically possible
a worse contender could emerge, but I doubt it. Let’s put it this way, if
placed in comparison with any of Artquake’s songs, it would still be a distant
second. I can’t remember the last time there was a hit song this whack.

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