Poor man, how will he be making use of this one now.
A dad has become the first man in the world to have a new p.e.n.i.s built on his arm after he lost his to a blood infection.
Malcolm MacDonald was even given an extra two inches by surgeons – but has had to live with the appendage on his arm for four years.
The 45-year-old is now desperate for his £50,000 NHS-funded manhood to be transferred to where it should be.
The mechanic can still see the funny side of his predicament and says the p.e.n.i.s – which he has nicknamed ‘Jimmy’ – is like “something out of a weird sci-fi comic”.
Malcolm suffered from a long-term perineum infection which developed into sepsis that turned his fingers, toes and p.e.n.i.s black.
Then one day he was “completely gutted” when his manhood fell off one fateful day in 2014, though his testicles remained intact.
He said he had known he was going to lose it so he just “picked it up and put it in the bin”.
The separated dad-of-two became a recluse and started heavily boozing but his GP told him about the ‘p3nis master’, Professor David Ralph, an expert in phallus construction at London’s University College Hospital.
Prof Ralph famously created a ‘bionic p3nis’ for Andrew Wardle, who was born without one. He explained the arm-graft procedure to Malcolm and told him it would take up to two years.
The NHS approved the expensive procedure which delighted Malcolm – more because he wanted to go to the toilet properly rather than for s.e.xual reasons.
He told The Sun : “Not having a p.e.n.i.s felt awful. It’s most men’s worst fear. For me I was never worried about s3x, because I already had two children.
“It was always more about my self-confidence and simple things like using the loo.”
Malcolm discussed with the surgeons what his new p.e.n.i.s would look like, and requested another two inches.
He joked that ‘not many can say they have a designer p3nis.”
Surgeons chose the arm for building the new p.e.n.i.s due to its skin quality and sensation.
Right-handed Malcolm had a skin flap taken from his left arm and rolled to form a “p.e.n.i.s”, with its own blood vessels and nerves.
Surgeons created a urethra and installed two tubes inflated with a hand-pump, allowing him to have a “mechanical” erection.
The shaft was then detached from his forearm, leaving the base, allowing it to dangle. It then could form naturally as skin and tissue.
He said that when he saw it on his arm he was ‘so, so proud’ and soon nicknamed it ‘Jimmy’.
He gets asked about it when people spot it in the pub and sometimes has to lie and say it’s a dictaphone.
The 45-year-old now wants the appendage moved to between his legs – but has been hit by delays.
He was unwell at the time of the operation and it was postponed.
He then missed a string of appointments due to transport and scheduling mix-ups, and a staff shortage last December led to another 11th-hour postponement.
The op was due to go ahead again in April, but got the axe when the Covid-19 pandemic hit.
Malcolm hopes to have it finally have it in place by the end of the year.
BEST OF LUCK!